Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to wonder why DH has sent a friend request to what looks like a woman he and his friends met on a recent jolly?

162 replies

1million · 22/06/2016 12:00

Saw it on his FB page as it came up XX and XX are now friends and looks like he friend requested her.... so after doing some research looks like her and her friend who on hols the same time as DH and his friends. So what to do...

OP posts:
MarklahMarklah · 22/06/2016 13:07

Photos of person A draped over person B if not in a 'matey' way would be a bit of a concern, but friends requests on their own,no.

FWIW, DH recently had a friend request accepted by someone he didn't know. She was a friend of a friend of a friend. He had not sent her a request; something in FB had. He had absolutely no idea who she was, and contacted her to politely suggest that she shouldn't blithely accept requests from people she didn't know!

OnionKnight · 22/06/2016 13:13

Thinking about it I've certainly been in situations with groups of friends and we're a bit worse for wear, we take pictures and everyone leans in/puts their arms round each other etc.

Could that have happened?

lifesalongsong · 22/06/2016 13:16

What makes you think he sent her the friend request? Maybe she sent one to all the group of friends and he's the only one who's accepted so far.

I don't think there's anything too suspicious about one girl from a group being draped across one man from another particularly if she was drunk, that's pretty normal night out behaviour ime.

How many friends does she have - 500+ wouldn't worrying, 5 might be

And I have accidently sent requests to people just via phone fat fingers when not concentrating properly. Surprisingly people do accept requests when they don't know the other person at all.

AdjustableWench · 22/06/2016 13:17

What are they validating?

I tend to think they're seeking validation for their attractiveness, from which they maintain their sense of self-worth. But I suppose some people just get quite physically affectionate when they're a bit drunk. And I have no idea what's going on in the OP's DH's scenario of course.

SlowJinn · 22/06/2016 13:20

How come you have access to your husband's Facebook account? That's odd in itself. Are you keeping tabs on him?

LordoftheTits · 22/06/2016 13:21

What made you want to log in to his Facebook account?
(As that's the only way you'd have seen "xxx has accepted your friend request.")

No it's not, it sometimes pops up on my newsfeed when a facebook friend adds someone. DH has mentioned that I'd become friends with a girl from work, because it appeared on his feed.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 22/06/2016 13:23

Marklah Facebook doesn't just send out random friend requests. Your husband might have done it accidentally. I can't believe he emailed her saying she shouldn't be accepting friend requests from strangers, how bloody rude! Doesn't matter how polite he tried to be. Some people use Facebook in different ways, it's certainly not up to your husband to police that.

Pinkheart5915 · 22/06/2016 13:25

If you feel insecure about it honestly just ask him.

I personally see nothing wrong with a man making a new friend male or female, and at the end of the day it is only Facebook.

cbigs · 22/06/2016 13:26

I wouldn't love it to be honest if as a group they weren't all on Facebook iyswim... Essentially it sounds like just him and her want to keep contact which might be ok but would bother me a bit unless we talked about it ...

CrotchetQuaverMinim · 22/06/2016 13:28

It pops up that someone has become friends with someone, but not who accepted whose request. The only way you see 'xx has accepted your friend request' is to be logged into their account. Otherwise it just shows that x and y are now friends.

CrotchetQuaverMinim · 22/06/2016 13:30

It would be easier to see her photos if you are logged into his account, too, if they are set to friends.

PrivatePike · 22/06/2016 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheNaze73 · 22/06/2016 13:33

Are you controlling his Facebook?? Sorry to be blunt but, you're sounding quite controlling. What's the problem with a friend request? If he had anything to hide, the last thing he'd do is publicise it, surely?

tessiegirl · 22/06/2016 13:40

I wouldn't like this either op. You seem to have gone quiet, are you ok?

Birdsgottafly · 22/06/2016 13:41

Is he the type who adds everyone he encounters, on holiday?

My DD does, even if it's a weekend city break. Her DP hasn't got an issue with it, because that's how she is.

MrsSpecter · 22/06/2016 13:43

contacted her to politely suggest that she shouldn't blithely accept requests from people she didn't know!

What a knob! She can accept whoever she likes.

SloppyDailyMailJournalism · 22/06/2016 13:43

Never mind drip feed, someone call a plumber, I think we've got a burst pipe.

PrivatePike · 22/06/2016 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 22/06/2016 13:49

Well quite MrsSpecter a bit harsher than I might have put it! Grin

snorepatrol · 22/06/2016 13:55

Sorry to be really picky but it doesn't make sense how you have described the situation.

On Facebook it always says publicly 'xxx and xxx' are now friends with no indication of who asked who.

It never says publicly 'xxx accepted xxx's friend request'
The only place it says that is in your own personal notifications.
So it wouldn't be written on Facebook the way you said unless you were in your dh's account.

So unless you were in your husbands account you don't know who added who. It could well be that she added him and he accepted out of politeness.

What do you mean by draped? All over each other romantically or are you just panicking a bit and reading into things (I'm not having a pop at all, I go from zero to sky high, when I panic so I was just wondering if you try and look at it logically do you genuinely know he added her and was she romantically draped over him?)

NerrSnerr · 22/06/2016 13:56

As others have said it depends on what draping actually means. The only way you'll know what it's all about is to ask him.

A random friend on FB I wouldn't be worried- I just looked on my husband's friend list, there's a number of women I don't know. The draping may worry me depending on what they're actually doing.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 22/06/2016 14:00

Its not a good look is it really?

mysterious attractive woman draped all over him
fun weekend away
then a facebook friend request

Call me old fashioned, but something MIGHT be brewing. Just ask him straight.

do you fancy her? do I need to prepare myself for you having some emotional affair that might descend into physical.
Or have I got completely the wrong end of stick?

his response will tell you a lot.

carabos · 22/06/2016 14:01

Draping is very specifically any physical contact action carried out by a beautiful interloper toward some other woman's partner. The same action carried out by anyone else in any other circs is not worthy of note Wink Grin.

MrsSpecter · 22/06/2016 14:05

Grin carabos

fastdaytears · 22/06/2016 14:06

What a knob! She can accept whoever she likes

This! Can you imagine getting that message?

And no FB does not send out random friend requests ever! But it's easy enough to accidentally add someone.

You can get an "accepted" message when you send a message to someone you're not friends with, but again the chiding husband would have had to contact her in order for that to have happened.