To feel frustrated at my DH reaction to paid for holiday?

[Nala1982]

A relative of ours has won some money and paid for all the family to go to Florida. The family is so appreciative and excited all apart from DH. Despite the fact that it is our kid's dream holiday, DH says it is not his idea of a holiday and would we mind if he spent 50% alone away from the disney/water park bullshit we are planning. Yes, I do mind because this family member has paid for us to go and it's cost thousands - and also because I will need him to help me keep an eye on the 2 DC's.

His lack of enthusiasm is actually embarrassing me. The family member who paid has already mentioned that he does not seem interested at all. DH says he appreciates the thought but he would much rather do a cheap holiday to Spain. I am mortified.

Perhaps the tradeoff is - with the money that is saved from not having to pay for a family holiday this year - OP's DH gets to pick the destination for next years holiday. Provided of course he manages to plaster a smile on his face occasionally.

I don't understand how he could have said he didn't want to go. The choice was go or don't see your family for two weeks?

He isn't wanting a break from his kids, that's the reason he said yes. Just the OP's large extended family and theme parks.

From the OP:

DH says it is not his idea of a holiday and would we mind if he spent 50% alone away from the disney/water park bullshit we are planning.

Now IMO there are two ways of reading this either he wants to spend more than the offered 5/14 days away from the parks or he wants to spend half the time alone.

Is the problem that the OP is not negotiating on the time at the parks leaving her DH in the position of either going to the parks or spend time alone.

Kimononono

Your opinion and experience, not everybody's.
I have been with friends with children and we were able not to go to disney, and still have a great time with children being there.

It would be my idea of hell on earth. I lasted 3 hours in Disney before I lost the will to live and left in favour of cocktails.

The problem when a family member "treats" the family to a holiday such as this is that often it is completely on their terms. The idea of spending my well earned holiday time joined at the hip with either mine or my husbands family is not a pleasant one. And we all like each other and get on.

Is the OP going to come back?

No, I wouldn't do it every year or even ever again, given the cost, but I can give up being a grouch to see them delighted.

Amazingly, children do not need Disney to be 'delighted'. DS gets the biggest grin on his face when we step off the plane at our holiday house in a very quiet location - not a theme park or mass marketed tourist attraction in sight. There have been plenty of trips that he has been 'delighted' at that haven't involved a cartoon character with a smile plastered on their face.

I'm not a Disney hater. When I lived in California I had an annual pass to Disneyland and loved it. But I travelled all over the world with my parents as a child and they never took me to Disney. My first trip there was when I was 21. I don't think that my child was deprived or that I missed out on anything because I didn't have that experience as a youngster.

And can we pleased stop with this 'once in a lifetime' crap? Disney isn't going anywhere. They'll have plenty of opportunity in their life to go if that is their desire.

Just goes to show how incredibly successful Disney's marketing is really!

Given the OP's description of her children I suspect that they are quite small, and so probably will only want to do the really Disneyish type activities, rides etc. I think it might prove very difficult for the OP's dh to persuade them to do a non typical Disney or Florida activity, especially if everyone else is very keen. That means if he wants to escape his ILs/Disney activities he can probably only do it on his own.

I think that many people would find it quite tough to spend more than a few days doing full on Disney type things with their extended IL family. I know I would! We once managed three days on a Bultin holiday, paid for by dh's family. It was really awful, I felt terrible for bailing (it was booked for a week) but I just couldn't cope.

'Once in a life time crap"? Disney is indeed going nowhere but the extended family won't be jetting off together anytime soon.

The Disney snobbery here is discouraging. I didn't go as a child and also could have cared less, but I'd never say no to an opportunity like this.

traf, Disney is not something that makes children "truly happy". running on a beach with no oother people does. Running into sea water. Being alone in nature. Those are the things which make me and my children truly happy. The idea that you need fairground rides is just strange to me. Also those saying if you haven't been you cannot judge - well as I said above I have been - I managed a few hours there. It was just as I thought it would be. We all like different things.

Also free holidays are a theft of time for some of us. I am offered all kinds of free things (I am very very lucky of course) and I turn most of them down as I have my own preferences as do the children.
Each family differs. My lot are probably happiest skiing on a slope with on one else on in silence or isolated beaches as I mention above. Other people like fair ground rides. Neither group is right or wrong, just different.

However int he context of this family offer if this is the kind of family who could never afford Disney themselves in a month of Sundays and there will be hell to pay if you poo poo it and imply it's a bit well non U and not quite the thing and basically awful you will be being unkind to those people and upset your wife then I suppose you have to endure it. Poor him. He could go with a good grace and then be on hand at the hotel which ish opefully off site to take the children off on lovely walks (watch out for giant crocodiles).

It's not snobbery not to like Disney for goodness sakes. I don't want to go parachuting, but I'm not snobbish about it, I just want to do it.

Mind you, I'd probably pick it in a direct choice with disneyland.

"It's not snobbery not to like Disney for goodness sake"

This ^^

OH wouldn't like to go to Disney either
a) He has already been, and felt that once was enough
b) He is an introvert and loathes crowds

His ideal holiday is a rented cottage in a beautiful part of the country where he can do loads of walking, and close to some really good pubs.

It certainly wouldn't make my son happy. He refuses to go on any rides at fairs and has never been excited by adults in cartoon character suits.

Not everyone is the same.

FWIW for those saying some of the replies would be different if the sexes had been reversed, mine would have been exactly the same as my first reply, eons ago on this thread.

As in, it's a generous offer, deserves feigned gratitude even if it is one person's version of hell.

Nah, it's snobbery. A lot of people here believe they are better than a holiday at Disney. So much so that even when presented with a free trip there it's beneath their time. It's fine, I absolutely accept it's not for anyone, but the scoffing is just plain snobbery in my eyes.

Btw, to the person who mentioned Florence, OMG is the center not just a theme park by another name! I loved it there but the queues! The 'quaint' Cinque Terre too . All beautiful but I didn't expect the crowds.

I genuinely dislike queueing for things and I'm not fond of being scared on rides. I also genuinely prefer simple real experences - such as a day on the beach - to somewhat fake, commercial experiences.

There used to be a lovely place near us where you could go for little train rides round a big garden, run by sweet old ladies and gentlemen who'd sell you a train ticket for 50p and a cup of orange squash for 20p. I liked it there

It's not snobbery, it's boredom. I've been to Eurodisney and Disneyland and was initially very excited to go. But it wasn't for me. Long queues to get on not very good rides, bad food, crowded, hot and cramped and uncomfortable.

I might have to go back to Eurodisney because DS really does love Disney films and characters and is starting to ask to go. But I'm not particularly looking forward to it and it will definitely only be a day trip.

I prefer Blackpool or Skegvegas so I suppose that makes me a terrible snob!

MidniteScribbler my son is left entirely unmoved by most of Disney's output (except now they own Star Wars, which he adores). He really doesn't get how huge an icon Mickey is, for example, possibly because we don't have cable so he's never seen the Disney channel. He loves TV and films, that's not the issue, just most of Disney passes straight over his head.

But it is entirely irrelevant if our precious, cultured, nature-loving little darlings would prefer a holiday in the quiet countryside to going to Disneyland, and we'd personally hate a Disney holiday too, because it's not our families under discussion. The OP's children are really looking forward to this holiday, and that's what matters, even if it isn't to our personal taste.

And this is a holiday with extended family, who many in this thread are presenting as something to be endured, not welcomed. This is an opportunity for the OP's kids to spend time with whoever is going (cousins? aunties and uncles? grandparents?), which IMO could be the bit the kids might end up enjoying most of all.

Florida/Disney it's the same thing when you have kids

Says who? We are going to Florida for the first time next year with our 2 and dont plan on going anywhere near Disney. As long as we go to Universal my boys will be happy, its my 41 year old DH who wants to go just to say hes been!

But, fuckingcuntbuggerinarse, would your in-laws have spent a great deal of money on inviting you to share an expensive holiday with them? I think it's fairly reasonable to assume there's a basic level of goodwill sloshing around in this situation.

No I didn't, sorry. But the OP hasn't mentioned that she doesn't want to go, or that she hates her inlaws and they hate her, or even that her DH hates them too. The phrase she used was £dream holiday". The sole issue that she's raised is about the DH not wanting a theme park holiday. I don't think family discord (except the DH being a moody sod) is relevant here.