To feel frustrated at my DH reaction to paid for holiday?

[Nala1982]

A relative of ours has won some money and paid for all the family to go to Florida. The family is so appreciative and excited all apart from DH. Despite the fact that it is our kid's dream holiday, DH says it is not his idea of a holiday and would we mind if he spent 50% alone away from the disney/water park bullshit we are planning. Yes, I do mind because this family member has paid for us to go and it's cost thousands - and also because I will need him to help me keep an eye on the 2 DC's.

His lack of enthusiasm is actually embarrassing me. The family member who paid has already mentioned that he does not seem interested at all. DH says he appreciates the thought but he would much rather do a cheap holiday to Spain. I am mortified.

fuck because being a family is about compromise and frankly if the holiday is the kids dream holiday and your partner wants to go and someone else is paying there are only two responses:

• suck it up and try and enjoy
• don't go but don't be an arse about it.

Stopping your children going because it's not what you what to do would be the height of unreasonableness.

Your DH and I should get together and go bowling. A holiday at any Disney place would be my idea of hell. You must obviously know he doesn't like those kind of places.

The OP made it clear that this kind of holiday wasn't in their budget and a trip in the UK is. So all the snobbish comments in the world aren't going to get this family a comparable holiday.

Personally I think there's nothing worse than kids dragged around culturally attractive but very restrictive to children sites for two weeks just so Mummy can post on Fb her showy off photos with kids looking miserable. Suggest a really FUN cultural holiday like helping on a dig and they are horrified as they might break a nail.

I would however say to the OP that military planning at Disney usually falls apart for big groups so if flexibility can be built in to allow for overtired kids or adults to duck out and return to chill at the hotel by having say 2 or 3 smaller cars rather than one big minibus for example and an understanding that no one is wrong to want to do this . I'd also suggest building in some days with no plans at all and people can break into family groups or other groups for shopping, crazy golf , whatever or just chill and relax. I've done the big group thing at Disney and the group invariably gets separated so we tended to start together and accept it would drift off but had already made plans to meet at X location for dinner or fireworks or whatever at an agreed time later in the day. We also always had free days .....where we'd eat separately and do the activities that only some wanted to do in smaller groups. For example one group went and rode one big ride several times over and over whereas others went to a character meal at a hotel and others went shopping. One evening some took the kids to the hayride and outdoor movie showing, others went to a club (yes you can go clubbing at Disney) others just went out to dinner.

The bloke's crime is not being very excited about planning things he is really not into and asking for a couple of days off doing something he doesn't want to do on his holiday.

exactly. All the OP said was that her DH wasn't being very enthusiastic. Not sure where people are getting the bitching and moaning and passive aggressiveness, and miserable fuckers and pisstaking from. Apparently there are rules about being enthusiastic about a trip to Disney that many posters think are universally applicable. And if you blame them you are a sulking miserable fucker.

The DH said he appreciates the thought but isn't that keen and hopes to get some time away from what the main group are doing in the parks. That is from the OP. No bitching, no moaning, no planning to spend all his time by the pool while his wife works her fingers to the bone, no passive aggressive shit.

If a woman had posted this exact scenario - except she was in the husband's position, so many of the responses here would be the exact opposite of what they are.

It's tough this one. Most of us work pretty damn hard all year and get 25 days holiday a year, give or take. So spending our time off with who we want to and doing what we want is actually important to our health and happiness.
If have a mature chat about this with him, say that if he wants alone time, that's absolutely fine, but you expect him to be 100% with the programme when he is there as the kids need their dad time too.
That's what I'd do any ways. Full on family time in Disney land will be really hard work-even if it is free!!!

Has he been before? If he hasn't encourage him to have more of an open mind, read up about stuff he could do on his own or perhaps with other blokes in the party. If he has, and he hated it, well the above still applies. It's just a few days, and if he doesn't go he could come across as being sulky or jealous which may cause future ill-feeling in the family.

Can't believe a loving Dad wouldn't want to see his children enjoying the holiday of their dreams. It may not be his idea of an ideal holiday but it is theirs, if he refuses to go they'll remember there Dad wasn't there and didn't love them enough to "suffer" for their sake.

I think it's a man thing - they like to have control of big things like this and not feel emasculated by well intentioned family members forcing their ideas upon them ...
That said, my OH thought he'd hate Disney, but he ended up loving it.

I think the biggest issue here is your family's precious time. I presume your husband only has a few weeks of holiday per year and they are important to him. He's being expected to sacrifice his annual leave to go somewhere he doesn't want to go, with your family. I love Disney, we've taken the kids 3 times now, 4 this autumn, but the thought of doing it every day, with family....no I wouldn't want to go either. I need my freedom and I don't like being around people all the time. Talk to him.

Can you agree it's not his thing...but go ( and try and find some time for you both whilst there) and suggest he chooses the next family holiday for just you and yours ?

I don't like camping, but it is the only holiday my family get every three years or so. So I just 'suck it up Buttercup', go for a week , for everyone elses sake, and move on. That's what parenting is about- making the best memories for your children . I sympathise with him- but see no reason why he can't see the bigger family picture and accept it.
I could perhaps feel different if there was a mental health issue or medical physical reason ( mobility or other issue) that meant the trip would be actually distressing for him. If it's because he 'just doesn't fancy it' or 'he wanted to pick the family holiday'...those are pretty petty reasons.
If there are genuine and enduring issues with family members attending- this needs to be sorted/managed before you go so that everyone can make the most of it. I DO think you should go as a family tho. Just my opinion. It's a week of your life.

For the record - theme park holiday of this sort would be my definition of Pure Hell

With that out of the way, whatever his feeling are he accepted the holiday. No one forced him. He said yes.

So what are the facts as opposed to the 'stories' that seem to unfold from nowhere on these threads:

He's going on the holiday
He's going because he can't bear to be away from his kids for 2 weeks so all the crap about him being selfish, how could a loving dad bla bla bla etc - all irrelevant. His personal hell but he's going for his kids
Why does he have to pretend to be excited and looking forward to it if he's been honest and said it's not his idea of a great holiday?

60% time (I think) in parks - that's over a week!!!!

Why does he have to be on the parks with OPs family (not his) for over a week?
Why can't he just go for 3 days and have 3 days away from his idea of hell?

I can see both sides but ultimately, I think YES - YABU. He's going. He can only handle a few days on the parks. Is that not enough...?

lynchoak
"Can't believe a loving Dad wouldn't want to see his children enjoying the holiday of their dreams."

He isn't spoiling it, he is offering a compromise so that he doesn't.

if he refuses to go they'll remember there Dad wasn't there and didn't love them enough to "suffer" for their sake.

that is why some posters have said that he is damned if he goes and damned if he doesn't .

I would still like to know how it was sold to him.

My DH (and I) would have hated Disney though if the DCs had been at all interested we would probably have taken them
I think it's unusual that kids who have one parent who isnt keen (and you sound lukewarm OP) are actually that 'into'Disney
We plan a trip to Cape Kennedy at some point (DH is really into space exploration)and I did look at other things we could do 'Seaworld looked Ok.And a trip to be Everglades
I haven't read ft but I cant say I blame him for not wanting to spend two precious weeks of leave at a theme park .But if he agreed then he should suck it up and go along with it for the kids sake

Personally I think there's nothing worse than kids dragged around culturally attractive but very restrictive to children sites for two weeks just so Mummy can post on Fb her showy off photos with kids looking miserable. Suggest a really FUN cultural holiday like helping on a dig and they are horrified as they might break a nail

^^ this is my post of the day 😂😂

"Hey kids shall we go on a cultural dig or spend two weeks at Disney on all the rides and visiting the amazing water parks?"

I started going Disney at about 9 years of age and can honestly say my grandparents never posted a braggy pic to facebook! Internet wasn't even around then!

canyou The op actually said he wanted 50% away from them. I wonder when that will be? Would it be himself and kids 50% away from group or 50% away from everybody in which point he should just stay at home.

She also said it was embarrassing her and was being noticed by the relative who has paid for all this. That's ungreatful. He could of just said 'No not for me thanks'

She also said he had actually even suggested it would be better if family member actually paid for a holiday of his liking away from family. The guys a dick

I have done the theme parks in 2005. I think Disney is shite. Universal studios and the discovery cove were fab.
You could go to cape canaveral whilst there, it's a long drive but interesting. It's all massive! Plus Tarpon Springs is great.also the Everglades?
There's LOADS that your hubby would enjoy. I don't blame him for not wanting theme parks only.
Yes the kids will love it, but it's a long way to go for someone who hates theme parks if that's ALL you will be doing.
Is it a hotel or a villa with pool inc. car hire?
If it's a hotel make sure you ain't sharing a room with another family. My mate did that it was grim.
Ynbu but neither is he.
It's like gifting someone a liquorice cakes when they HATE liquorice.then expecting them to eat it.

Would i want to go to disneyland? No, not in the slightest but if a relative was kind enough to offer a free trip to all the young family members and include all the parents i would be rather greatful for the thought if nothing else.
The dad has a choice - to let the family go without him and wish all well or get on board regardless. I would suspect the holiday has been booked to spend some family time as much as treating people and to ask for an alternate holiday is churlish.
I have sympathy for him to some extent, but if he isn't trying to make this pleasant for you and the kids he is being a git.
If this becomes an annual treat then that is the time to start to politely discuss how that may be innapropriate or unwanted.

Kimononono
"She also said he had actually even suggested it would be better if family member actually paid for a holiday of his liking away from family. The guys a dick"

acording to the OP he said
"he appreciates the thought but he would much rather do a cheap holiday to Spain"

Nothing about the family member paying for it.

"The op actually said he wanted 50% away from them. I wonder when that will be? Would it be himself and kids 50% away from group or 50% away from everybody in which point he should just stay at home. "

We don't know if that is 50% of the total holiday or 50% of the theme parks, or if its 50% away from her and the kids or just her family.

"She also said it was embarrassing her and was being noticed by the relative who has paid for all this. That's ungreatful. He could of just said 'No not for me thanks'"

Again how was this sold to the DH was it "we have a free holiday in Florida" or "we are going to Disneyland"? big difference.

For someone you don't know you seem very invested in him.

Can't help see his time at Disney as a gift to his children who are excited? Do it for them. Methinks someone's ego has been dented as they didn't "provide" the holiday. He may even find he enjoys their enthusiasm and it rubs off on him

YDHINBU

Disneyworld is the most depressing promotion of US fil industry and consumerism.

If we can't think of any better dream holiday for our DC it's sad.

• not fil, film

boney ive already replied to your 'how was it sold' scenario up thread I'm not going to repeat myself.

Regarding the 50% issue you brought up - what's your point? The question you asked me was the same one I asked your asking the same question as me and staying the obvious ...

I'm invested in the thread. It's a quiet afternoon. It's a talk board. How many posts am I allowed to post? Is there a set limit?

I'd be mortified too (op actual words)

Disneyworld is the most depressing promotion of US fil industry and consumerism

I actually agree to a point, but that is such a cynical adult point of view. The trip is mainly for the enjoyment of the kids.

Kimononono

My point is that we don't know.

"How many posts am I allowed to post? Is there a set limit? "

Post as many as you like, it a free thread.

I am not going to call him all the names under the sun (as some have done) without more information.

I almost hope that the outcome is that he goes, really enjoys it and becomes fixated on Disney.