Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel frustrated at my DH reaction to paid for holiday?

414 replies

Nala1982 · 20/06/2016 00:35

A relative of ours has won some money and paid for all the family to go to Florida. The family is so appreciative and excited all apart from DH. Despite the fact that it is our kid's dream holiday, DH says it is not his idea of a holiday and would we mind if he spent 50% alone away from the disney/water park bullshit we are planning. Yes, I do mind because this family member has paid for us to go and it's cost thousands - and also because I will need him to help me keep an eye on the 2 DC's.

His lack of enthusiasm is actually embarrassing me. The family member who paid has already mentioned that he does not seem interested at all. DH says he appreciates the thought but he would much rather do a cheap holiday to Spain. I am mortified.

OP posts:
fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 21/06/2016 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SnotGoblin · 21/06/2016 10:38

That's a tough one. Did you and he discuss accepting the holiday beforehand or was it presented to him as a fait accompli? How long are you planning to spend at the parks? All week? Honestly, a day would be more than enough for me and I'd have to leave and do something - anything - else.

If he did agree to accept the gift before it was bought for him then he's being unreasonable but if he didn't then he's not.

ArcheryAnnie · 21/06/2016 10:50

Then he should have raised those objections before accepting a very expensive gift and then demanding that it be exchanged for a different very expensive gift, fuckincunt.

fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 21/06/2016 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArcheryAnnie · 21/06/2016 13:05

Yes, of course - but if you then decide you don't want to go, you don't go - you don't try and get the people who have paid for the holiday you don't want to pay for another holiday for you, one you do want, which doesn't have them there.

fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 21/06/2016 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2rebecca · 21/06/2016 13:28

I didn't think th OP's husband did want any more money spent on him. I thought he just wanted to not go to theme parks on a couple of the days and mooch around. The OP mentions him wanting to sunbathe by the pool.
For most people their 2 week holiday will be their main break. Instead of the OP and their husband discussing together where they spend these 2 weeks they have been invited to Disneyland with all the OP's family.
Why should he have to miss seeing his wife and kids for 2 weeks just because he doesn't fancy over a week of Disney?
I agree that how long they fancy being at Disney should have been discussed before hand before the passes were bought as they are expensive.
A group of 12 all going round together and all queuing together in the heat does sound a bit much though and I suspect they'll split in to smaller more manageable groups.

Squeezypumpkin · 21/06/2016 13:35

Question. If he works full time and has a set number of holidays (which I am sure he looks forward to so that he can relax, unwind and spend time with the family) regardless of whether a holiday has been paid for (which is indeed generous) did anyone ask him if he wanted to spend his time doing this type of holiday?

Imagine that they had booked and paid for something you would hate - what would your reaction be? Would you think 'yay, a free holiday' or would you think what a cheek I only get X number of days a year and now I have to do this before I head on back to the grind? did anyone ask any of you if you wanted to go?

I can understand his annoyance at having a holiday thrust on him. Having said that, it's done now so he might as well enjoy it but I would cut him some slack and let him relax his way.

heron98 · 21/06/2016 15:12

I would absolutely hate to go to Disney World. It's not my thing at all. I hate rides and fake music and cartoons. However, I do not have children and one of the reasons is so I can spend my holidays as I like! Your DH does have children and I do think that he ought to go along for their benefit.

Kimononono · 21/06/2016 15:27

did anyone ask him if he wanted to spend his time doing this type of holiday

He could of easily said No. He is an adult!

No one has forced him to go on a free holiday to Florida - to do Disney. He would rather pretend he is going something a agsinst his will and try and make every one free bad that he is on a fee holiday!

Very passive agressive

Kimononono · 21/06/2016 15:30

Imagine that they had booked and paid for something you would hate - what would your reaction be? Would you think 'yay, a free holiday' or would you think what a cheek I only get X number of days a year and now I have to do this before I head on back to the grind? did anyone ask any of you if you wanted to go

I'd say -"fuck that I'm not going. It's not my thing. You go if you want!" As I am a big girl and can choose where I want to go.

and yes he was asked before it was all booked

Kimononono · 21/06/2016 15:32

Why should he have to miss seeing his wife and kids for 2 weeks just because he doesn't fancy over a week of Disney?

How utterly suffocating and selfish - thank fuck Dh and I don't treat each other like that.

Kimononono · 21/06/2016 15:33

Absolutly Archery

Kimononono · 21/06/2016 15:35

Well as a parent, I have no issue saying to my dcs that I hate DW and Pokemon and no we are not going to DW at all. I'm not planning to be a martyr parent any time soon

You sound bags of fun Hmm

fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 21/06/2016 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kimononono · 21/06/2016 15:51

You did have a choice. You could have waited till you got home and said "I don't want to go - I'll be misrable. You and the kids go and have a good time"

That's being a martyr and builds resentment.

I've not gone on loads of trips because mil was going. I may have ended up with a life sentence in prison if I had.

nooka · 21/06/2016 15:52

I don't know why some people are getting quite so irate. The bloke's crime is not being very excited about planning things he is really not into and asking for a couple of days off doing something he doesn't want to do on his holiday. Seems to me he was pretty honest up front that he wasn't a Disney loving man and only going because he didn't want to lose his family for two weeks. Surely some sort of compromise is possible?

I get that to the OP it may feel curmudgeonish, but is there anything about this holiday that her dh is looking forward to (as in that he personally is likely to enjoy)? Personally I'd be OK with 'sucking it up' for the kids for a day or two, but two weeks is a very long time.

Banana99 · 21/06/2016 16:01

Thing is he is ASSUMING he's going to hate it - in fact this thread is full of people who haven't been and say how much they would hate it without probably knowing that much about it.

Just after we went last year my neighbour went with her daughter and ex husband (brave!). She would hardly have a conversation with me about it before she went because she wasn't interested and she didn't want to go at all - it was a once in a lifetime holiday for her daughter and that was it.

She loved it - she's going back!

Maybe he should suck it up and see what he thinks when he gets there AND be grateful there is babysitters on tap! I would LOVE to have been able to go out at night with DH to Disney Springs (lots of bars and restaurants).

and Disney is massive - numerous parks, plenty of opportunity to get away from relatives!

GnomeDePlume · 21/06/2016 16:04

Two weeks of annual leave is a lot to lose on a hope that it will turn out alright despite misgivings.

fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 21/06/2016 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kimononono · 21/06/2016 16:42

I think it depends on how you want to look at it fuckincunt (🙈 That user name)

I wouldn't begrudge my kids two weeks at doing something they love if I didn't want to go - on the same note I wouldn't spend two weeks wanting to poke my eyes out doing something I hate.

Dh and I have girls/lads holidays once a year and I used to go to Florida with my grandparents when I was child many moons ago as they had a time share there so it's not unusual for me to go on holiday with out my parents/kids/Dh.

I see my Dh and kids every day of the year so 14 days where they are living it up and having a great time honestly would kill me!

I used to love holidaying with my parents not being there! Grin

fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 21/06/2016 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kimononono · 21/06/2016 16:49

Well that's why we probally have a different opinion on it, neither wrong.

fuckincuntbuggerinarse · 21/06/2016 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kimononono · 21/06/2016 17:08

I worked full time when our DC were small it still wouldn't have been a factor. Hand on heart I would have genuinly waved them off happy for them. My parents worked full time and my dad worked night shifts so I barely seen him - but they were just greatful the kids had a fab time. There is nothing stopping this bloke having his type of holiday by himself while they are away - but obviously he would tag tag on letting every one know how bad life is.

The dad in this scenario is being arse because

  1. He is acting like he is being forced to go on an expensive free holiday where his kids would absolutly love it. If he loved and would miss his kids so much I genuinly don't think it would be an issue. I think it's more about lack of control.

  2. He is an adult he could have said no. He chose then to wait until it was booked to bitch and moan about it ( to members of the the family) and suggest that it would be better if they basically paid for a holiday to some where he wanted and they wasn't there. That's a piss take in its self! He is being passive agressive and I bet the other members don't even want this misrable fucker tainting there holiday any way.

I feel sorry for his DW. If he was brave enough he would have stamped his foot and refused to let his family go but knew he would look like a twat so picked the P.A route instead.