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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be angry/upset about FB 'congrats'

230 replies

44PumpLane · 19/06/2016 08:34

I know in the grand scheme of life it's not a big deal, and if this is the biggest thing in life I have to worry about I'm hugely fortunate.

However, I'm upset and angry that when I popped on FB last night, two acquaintances had posted their congratulations on my pregnancy!

My husband and I only use our FB pages to keep up with friends and family around the country/world. We don't have relationship statuses on there, we don't post lots of pictures of our lives- we are in the process of telling the people we want to know that we are pregnant but we were never intending to put it on FB.

An old family friend and the mother of a friend posted last night- luckily near midnight so very few people would have seen. I've shut down my FB account for the time being- but who does that?!? I mean really?!? There is literally nothing on the page insinuating anything is going on in my life- if you truly want to congratulate me them PM me!

I feel so angry and upset to think some family who we've not yet told may see it. Plus it's our bloody news to tell!!! Grrr!

Sorry just needed to rant!

OP posts:
orangebird69 · 20/06/2016 21:10

Eh? Would you report a comment that called someone a young'un? Calm down FFS.

OrangesandLemonsNow · 20/06/2016 21:15

Wow mumstheword How to patronise a complete generation.

FeckinCrutches · 20/06/2016 21:16

She's not reporting it for that Orange

CurlyhairedAssassin · 20/06/2016 21:20

I'm not really sure how this has become an issue. Surely with stuff like this, don't most people spend a couple of hours phoning round just those close people that they want to tell themselves. Once those people who matter are told, surely it doesn't matter who posts what on FB then unless you have medical worries and do not want it mentioned on FB at all till things are safe.

Your relatives in Devon - isn't this why phones were invented? So you can tell people big news and get to hear their reaction? Why the necessity to do it face to face? I haven't heard of anyone doing this before - telling all their friends and family face to face as life just isn't like that. People's lives are busy and you might not see some friends and relatives for weeks or months at a time. Doesn't mean to say they shouldn't be told about someone's pregnancy. Like I said, that's what phones are for! Or Skype - even better! You can see and hear their reaction.

oP, did you also post a comment about how you didn't want your evening wedding guests seeing any photos of you from the day before they saw you in person?! Whatever not?!? Clearly those people aren't that close to you anyway if they are only evening guests so what the hell does it matter? To me it just smacks a bit of self-obsession really.

Cornishclio · 20/06/2016 21:33

I haven't rtft but no YANBU to be cross. FB announcements or comments re important family news - ie engagements, births, deaths, new jobs etc should be put up by those most closely affected and only then would I comment. We often say NOT FOR FACEBOOK when giving out news to family or friends usually because there are other people not on social media we want to tell first. If I received that sort of news about an acquaintance I would text or email or pm a message. Some people are just thoughtless. As you are now aware though if you feel really strongly about it just change your fb settings or close your account. Congratulations anyway.

2ManySweets · 20/06/2016 21:47

Good to see consistency fuckincuntbuggerinarse rather than you just firing your poison darts at me.

CodyKing · 20/06/2016 21:50

spend a couple of hours phoning round just those close people that they want to tell themselves

Did you see the post where others woke up to the news of a death? The one where mom hadn't seen the baby - yest posted on FB???

May take a couple of hours to phone round - FB takes 2 mins and upsets a lot of people!!

And why should you say 'no FB' when common sense tells you its not your news to share????

converseandjeans · 20/06/2016 22:37

My SIL posted news of my father's death in a freak accident on FB without asking if it was OK & I had no WiFi signal so hadn't realized it was on my FB page. I wasn't v happy about it. We're not close in RL so felt it was not appropriate.

Sophia1984 · 20/06/2016 22:43

YANBU I haven't announced my pregnancy on Facebook and don't intend to. I won't be announcing baby's arrival or posting pictures. I have, however, joined some mum groups and entered some baby competitions through my account so some people have guessed, but all have been polite enough to send me an inbox message asking if I'm pregnant and congratulating.

Twinkleheth · 21/06/2016 01:43

A neighbour saw an ambulance outside our door and then a hearse and posted on my FB wall how sorry she was. We had found our son dead in his bed - and then all of a sudden my daughters were getting messages, all of our FB accounts were going crazy. I have never spoken to the neighbour (we have since moved house twice) and wonder if she meant to send me a private message. But even so, she literally sent the message before my son's body had left the house to be taken to the hospital for post mortem. I am so careful when using FB, and have taught my girls the same. The wall is public, messages are private. The news of your pregnancy is private, and whilst it may have been with good intentions, YANBU to be pissed off. Congratulations btw xxxx

SylvieB74 · 21/06/2016 02:00

Actually although social media is a sign of the times and all that ... People shouldn't have mentioned or congratulated you on your pregnancy until you had put the news first as your 'status'. Although personally when I see such status' normally announced far too early complete with scan pics and no husband to speak of, it does seem a bit naff!

BengalCatMum · 21/06/2016 02:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Philoslothy · 21/06/2016 02:36

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

If you have said that you want the news keeping private I guess that is your right.

In reality nobody cares that much, harsh but true. In trying to keep your pregnancy secret I think that you are implying that it is some kind of highly important unusual event - I have never really cared who did and didn't know. I have had people congratulate me on FB before I have said anything myself and have just been touched that they cared enough to be bothered to tap away on their phone.

Philoslothy · 21/06/2016 02:37

Although personally when I see such status' normally announced far too early complete with scan pics and no husband to speak of, it does seem a bit naff!

how sad that the creation of life is seen as naff or is that just the babies born to unmarried women?

SomeDaysIDontGiveAMonkeys · 21/06/2016 03:03

🙄

AlysonWorldTravelFamily · 21/06/2016 06:36

Yes, @ Pumplane. I do think you're being unreasonable. We all use social media differently, you can't expect people to do things your way all the time, particularly when they hadn't been told it was a secret. I'm only responding because you directly asked the question.

CodyKing · 21/06/2016 07:11

You can tell who the gossips are on this thread!

worrierandwine · 21/06/2016 07:26

Op I'm totally with you on this, luckily never happened to me but there are people who's lives revolve around FB and they always seem to be the ones to have to post important news about other people. If they had any consideration brains they would have checked your FB to see if you had announced it on there and if not, kept schtum!
Another example of something that really gets my goat about FB; someone on my friends list recently posted about being upset as her old boss had died that day. If I were a close relative of the boss I would be livid some random ex-employee had posted this sensitive news on FB before they've probably had chance to tell all friends and family.
In short I think YANBU.

CodyKing · 21/06/2016 07:32

In reality nobody cares that much

Boss may care - sis who you want to tell personally and is infertile may care - bF trying to conceive may care - XH who you are divorcing may care - GP who live abroad and arriving next week may care

Random strangers who aren't on your friends list - not so much

Laiste · 21/06/2016 08:05

Twinkleheth - FlowersFlowersFlowers

Floisme · 21/06/2016 08:21

I am very old but if someone tells me they are pregnant, I never pass the news on - through any media - unless the person concerned says it's ok to do so. I think the social media angle is irrelevant and that this is about showing sensitivity and a bit of common sense. It's their news, not mine.

Bless me, eh.

Congratulations, op.

SylvieB74 · 21/06/2016 08:26

philoslothy

No the creation of life isn't naff, the most intimate early scan pictures all over Facebook is. Also if a responsible, financially independent grown woman chooses to have a baby it's different to someone becoming pregnant and expecting the state to pay to raise their child. I think benefits should be there for people who were in a stable relationship and he's either left the home or died.

pelirocco123 · 21/06/2016 08:28

When my dad died early in the morning the first person we needed to tell was a nephew as they were very close and he started work very early, his partner immediately posted it on FB.As it was yet 6 am we hadn't told any other family , luckily I managed to take his fb down , the rest of the family would have been devastated to find out that way

Philoslothy · 21/06/2016 09:07

No the creation of life isn't naff, the most intimate early scan pictures all over Facebook is

One of my friends has recently had a baby, they have been trying for just over ten years. They gave had miscarriages and spent a fortune and more importantly years of heartache on failed IVF attempts. When she fell pregnant they posted scan photos, every twinge and development on FB. I was just so excited for her I can't imagine thinking "how naff". Having spent tens of thousands on IVF I am not sure how financially independent they are either which probably adds to their "naffness"

OohMavis · 21/06/2016 09:12

My SIL announced the birth of both my children on Facebook less than an hour after they were born. Before we'd even had a chance to tell the whole family, let alone announce it ourselves.

Some people like to make things all about themselves.