To be angry/upset about FB 'congrats'

[44PumpLane]

I know in the grand scheme of life it's not a big deal, and if this is the biggest thing in life I have to worry about I'm hugely fortunate.

However, I'm upset and angry that when I popped on FB last night, two acquaintances had posted their congratulations on my pregnancy!

My husband and I only use our FB pages to keep up with friends and family around the country/world. We don't have relationship statuses on there, we don't post lots of pictures of our lives- we are in the process of telling the people we want to know that we are pregnant but we were never intending to put it on FB.

An old family friend and the mother of a friend posted last night- luckily near midnight so very few people would have seen. I've shut down my FB account for the time being- but who does that?!? I mean really?!? There is literally nothing on the page insinuating anything is going on in my life- if you truly want to congratulate me them PM me!

I feel so angry and upset to think some family who we've not yet told may see it. Plus it's our bloody news to tell!!! Grrr!

Sorry just needed to rant!

Of course.

Look, I'm trying to get some sense out of the whole thing. Sorry for offending. Currently in process of seeking advice from MNHQ re use of emojis to define sarcasm.

If it was fond ribbing HQ wouldn't have deleted.

Guys, I've apologised. Can you put the pitchforks down please?

Sarcasm is great. Fond ribbing is great. But, as intelligent individuals, I think most of us know when a comment oversteps the mark and don't make excuses for it.

Thanks for the apology OP, it sounded genuine.

I think the bottom line is if you don't want news to get out don't tell people.

Personally I think it's so Rude when people tell someone a secret and then they blame that person for letting that secret out. OP you are getting upset over something that you started nothing more.

The internet is a public place where people share their thoughts

FB is as private as you make it. You might think "don't post it on FB is enough" but it isn't. That doesn't make other people ignorant, it just means that the idle gossip that used to be mouth to mouth now extends to the Internet. I would have thought anyone who uses it would know that by now.

What if someone else, friend of a friend, had told your aunt in person? What would you blame then? If you want her to know before she hears it from someone else, phone her.

I think someone made the great comment about not wanting work to find out -

I'm not on FB and if people want me to know something they can tell me - otherwise why would I be interested?

So my friend was ill after giving birth and so was baby, friends mum went to see baby in NICU and took a pic, put it on Fb before mum had seen her own baby!!

You can set it so that no one can post on your wall without you checking the post first. If you dont really know how to use facebook yourself why are you assuming that other people do? My mum for example is always posting things on my wall that she thinks shes sending me as a private message. She also doesnt understand the amount of people who can see things on my wall. Im sure those people who congratulated you just meant well and werent 'being cheeky'.

OhMrBadger you're right, first baby, and you're also right that I'm sure no one else will give a shit (and don't worry, I'm taking that in the manner it was intended- kind words of advice)

I have lots of FB friends who have suddenly "become" their babies once they've had them, I've experienced the all too familiar eye roll at it all so I have no doubts that as time rolls on that people will do that to me (and rightly so I'm sure)!

I haven't read all the replies so i'm sorry if i repeat what others have said. Personally, i wouldn't have told friends before family. Having said that, i think that maybe you could've sent a round robin type text to let people you don't see everyday know. If you're telling just one person, then it's good to let others know, unless you swear the one's you've told to secrecy! I have a couple of friends on facebook who don't share certain stuff & one who won't put pics of her daughter on (and no one else is 'allowed' to), but then i'm completely fine with that if i know. Social media is a complete minefield & i don't think they'll have meant anything by it, i would assume that others (including all family) knew about it. Personally, i'd only comment if the couple (or one of the couple) announced it via facebook. But i do know of people commenting on others walls about things. I think you're probably best off facebook if you're not happy about comments on there. I'd also consider texting people you know about not informing people on your behalf once baby arrives or posting pictures of baby on fb. It does happen, unfortunately . . .

2nds I didn't tell them any secrets (that's partly the point) I'm also not making anyone feel bad at all (unless they are on this thread), I'm having a moan on here and have multiple times mentioned that it's quite obviously, primarily my fault for failing to update my security settings on FB.

I do however still appreciate those posters who also have examples of being peeved at others for their Facebook reveals of news that wasn't their own- it's nice to know that although some consider me unreasonable (absolutely fine with this), that others are also in my camp and find me justified in my peevedness.

Also, I'm genuinely finding the different perspectives on this really quite interesting. Some posters (on both sides of the argument) have made some really thought provoking comments and I'm coming away from this having engaged my brain- so thank you all for that.

By the way- this isn't sarcastic- I do really like to hear different view points

YANBU. My MIL has form for this, even when told directly that it is not to go on FB. The rude nasty gossiping has everything to do with her upbringing, next the feigning inability to delete, she started doing her confused little old lady routine and then the youngsters won't help me, not the reality that she can't be arsed to listen and follow instructions. It has feck all to do with her age, but she likes to make out it is.

Birdy, yes I agree, I've seen stuff pop up on other people's feed which the person posting obviously thinks is a private message.

So my friend was ill after giving birth and so was baby, friends mum went to see baby in NICU and took a pic, put it on Fb before mum had seen her own baby!!

How bloody awful - totally insensitive

I completely think YANBU. In the days before social media when I first found out I was pregnant with DS I had a bleed at work and had to go to hospital. I hadn't told my manager at this point but obviously had to before I dashed off to hospital. He asked if he could tell our supervisor as he would have to make up my shifts. I agreed. Supervisor then told all the staff I was pregnant when I was being treated for a suspected miscarriage. I was distraught when I got back to work. Not only that every one knew but that I could have been having a miscarriage at the time. I never spoke to him again.

Yabu. They were saying congrats. Posting on people's Facebook pages seems to be the way to do this. Unless you told everyone not to put it on Facebook then you're being dramatic

I wouldn't congratulate someone on a pregnancy on Fb but did once congratulate somekne on a birth, being the second person on the page to do so.

I got a really passive-aggressive PM from the mother about how it was her news etc. etc. blah blah. despite not being the first to mention it.

I apologised and deleted my congratulations but also deleted her as a friend. Fuck her and her precious first born.

Some people just don't think.

Someone I know posted at silly o clock in the morning that her grandfather had died.

Unfortunately the rest of his grandchildren were asleep in bed and woke to the news on FB. Selfish cow.

Congratulating via FB if it's been announced there I think is ok. But otherwise I wouldn't personally.

Happy birthdays are much easier via FB tbh!

My pet peeve is people writing things like "thanks xxxx for a wonderful night" as statuses - clearly aimed at marking territories like a cat pissing everywhere. I hide so many people on my FB now it's not worth going on apart from to laugh at some of the twats on a local group I'm in

44 you can explain it till the cows come home the fact is that either you or your OH told someone and haven't yet told the important people and now you are moaning that these people have posted it on fb.
The fact is that had They not been told at all then they wouldn't have said it on fb and people can say yanbu all they want, but the fact is that this news should have been kept to yourselves until you announced it making it all yours and your OHs fault and you being 'upset' and wanting people to tell you that they were being twats is unreasonable and overly dramatic.

OP I don't think YABU, I am still annoyed that an Uncle announced the arrival of my DD by posting congratulations on my FB wall.

It wasn't malicious and I think down to him being a bit naive with FB but I was seriously irritated. I know it shouldn't matter but I felt like my thunder had been for some pretty big news.

I normally have my wall set that I have to approve posts but usually open for my Birthday as people like to post messages for birthdays it seems and on a pregnancy fog forgot to change it back.

I was also amazed when a friend of a friend posted a picture of their wedding invite from my friend because it was quite an unusual way of doing an invite (food related) and lots of people wouldn't have received theirs yet so this would have meant they lost the surprise IYSWIM?

I found out my mum had died on Twitter :(

mrgrouper that's awful