To be angry/upset about FB 'congrats'

[44PumpLane]

I know in the grand scheme of life it's not a big deal, and if this is the biggest thing in life I have to worry about I'm hugely fortunate.

However, I'm upset and angry that when I popped on FB last night, two acquaintances had posted their congratulations on my pregnancy!

My husband and I only use our FB pages to keep up with friends and family around the country/world. We don't have relationship statuses on there, we don't post lots of pictures of our lives- we are in the process of telling the people we want to know that we are pregnant but we were never intending to put it on FB.

An old family friend and the mother of a friend posted last night- luckily near midnight so very few people would have seen. I've shut down my FB account for the time being- but who does that?!? I mean really?!? There is literally nothing on the page insinuating anything is going on in my life- if you truly want to congratulate me them PM me!

I feel so angry and upset to think some family who we've not yet told may see it. Plus it's our bloody news to tell!!! Grrr!

Sorry just needed to rant!

My cousin did that to me. Some people have no boundaries

I did not even know she was ill. I stopped speaking to my parents for a few months after my dad threatened my baby. In that time she got diagnosed with terminal cancer, died and the funeral was done behind my back and I was not invited. Only found out by chance when checking my BIL's Twitter page.

Actually i think if privacy is important to you its worth remembering that well meaning people will post on your facebook. You can easily change the settings to approve any posts before they go live - this means you don't have to shut down the whole thing.

People have different approaches to privacy, and as it's a very open forum, I think it's up to you to in a very practical way set the boundaries.

Much better than losing friendships.

You need to get a life. Soon you'll be too busy to be annoyed at things like that. You shouldn't have told anyone you're pregnant if you didn't want it public knowledge.

I don't have FB as it's a god awful thing, however I believe that is how it is used and what people do with it. When you told them you should have said to keep it to themselves for now

you are fortunate on many fronts by the sounds of it, new addition on the way and people wanting to wish you all the best

You're lucky to have people be pleased for you. If you felt strongly about keeping it off Facebook, you should have changed your settings so that people couldn't post on your wall.

YANBU. I wouldn't congratulate anyone publicly unless they had said something on their FB wall themselves.

Congratulations OP, I hope your pregnancy goes well.

(and if you want to say that "we" are pregnant you can if you choose no matter how matter how many peoples teeth itch or how technically incorrect it is!)

As you've discovered not everyone sticks with the common sense etiquette on FB that you only mention "big" news once the person it involves has mentioned it publicly. Lesson learned.

I think the whole spoiling the big reveal thing is rather ridiculous to be honest. You have told the people who are most important to you and frankly it is hardly earth shattering news, simply exciting for the couple and close family. I am sure they simply wanted to say something nice to you. You do kind of need to get a grip in the nicest possible way. Congratulations by the way.

YANBU!

What is wrong with people? Also OP I assume those that put the message on Facebook were told by you about your pregnancy so will have had chance to congratulate you at that point?

I absolutely cannot stand the use of social media for things like this, it's akin to those saying 'thanks to my husband for a lovely night out' - just speak to him! I assume you're in the same house!

Actually this is worse. It wasn't their news to share.

Congrats by the way.

I had this sort of thing with my sister and brother who just did not get the FB etiquette.. used to comment on anything I commented on (emarrassing me many times), so I defriended them.

However... you can change your privacy settings so that:
a: No one can tag you in a photo
b: You can 'demote' acquaintances so tgat they can only see your basic settings, not pists where you have been tagged (good option til one mum from school kept messaging me that she could not see my photos and posts for some reason... erm, because you added a comment to one of my posts blatantly and indiscreetly how my bursary assistance application was going at the private school our sons attend!!! (Deliberate low blow, no accident!)

I have a love hate relationship with FB (much like this site!! Sucks my time away!!!)

... or the time recently a woman in our cancer support group died and some klutz put a 'RIP condolences' message on her FB page... BEFORE the family had all been notified!! Awful.

Glory stealers....how annoying. You are right to be annoyed.

You are so not being unreasonable to be mad at them. I would have sent them a very sarcastic message and blocked them for good. Unless you posted it on there they had no right posting congratulatory messages on your page.

We asked people not to comment on Facebook about it until it was common knowledge. I was concerned about work finding out before I was ready. Everyone respected our wishes.

YANBU You just don't do that, unless the person has put a post up announcing the news.

I've had people share news inappropriately ie before I've had a chance to, in real life - from a house purchase to pregnancy. Generally they are excited and the sort of people who love sharing a bit of gossip; but it's always been well meant. I can't be doing with harbouring grudges - nobody's perfect. Social media is a relatively new area in terms of protocol and manners; There are a lot of different ideas about what's acceptable.

Some oldies don't understand FB. I've had annoying msgs from MIL who doesn't understand the private versus public messages. Bless them. Doubt they meant any harm though and prob thought they were being tech savvy and actually it's probably even easier these days for them rather than texting. Yes it's annoying, but as someone suggested set your wall so others can't post if you don't want anything. I have mine set so no one can post photos without me looking at them first after being tagged in photos that weren't of me by a relative, again, not quite the same idea as me of how it works

I am totally for not announcing until after safe arrival of baby so as not to jinx anything so understand. I had one person far away, an old aquaintance remark how mysterious I was having my second baby (as I hadn't mentioned on FB I was expecting), I deleted them as that's all they said, no congratulations, this person had two children and had on FB as their relationship status 'open relationship', I thought that was rather creepy so it was a good excuse to delete

Thing is, if they are anything like my Mum, they might have thought they WERE messaging privately, honestly, some people are thick as crud when it comes to fb, (my Mum wouldn't mind me saying that lol, she admits it, seeing as she keeps 'losing' her fb and making new ones, I now have my mum as a friend 11 times!!!!!!) But no, I wouldn't ever congratulate someone unless the news was already there to see.
Good luck on your pregnancy! Oh and through all of my pregnancies me and my husband have said 'we' instead of "I" am pregnant, because of how much he does for me after he's knocked me up! ;-)

Yeah. I found out a relative had died through Facebook, cos a 'friend' felt it important to tell Facebook before the grieving family had chance to ring round everyone.

Oh I totally agree with you - it is rude and stupid of people - it doesn't take a great deal of intelligence to realise that you hadn't put anything on FB about it and it simply wasn't their business to tell the world. We had put nothing about my first pregnancy on FB and my husband was phoning around the family to say our first had been born when my (very annoying and stupid) sis in law put a FB post up - we'd not told all of our family let alone friends yet let alone wanting to announce it on FB. I got my husband to delete it quick smart so I don't think anyone saw it.
You are right to feel annoyed. Enjoy the freedom of not being on FB for a while! Also, remember that some people seem incapable of living their lives without posting something innane on Facebook.
Oh, and congratulations on your lovely news!
Xxx

Yanbu, some people like to get cheap 'likes' by breaking other peoples good news for them. I think it's an attention thing personally. You can pm someone your well wishes and that's lovely. but I always, always check that something has been made 'FB news' before I put anything public myself. Just bad form announcing someone's pregnancy for them imo.

mumsthewordyouknow

"Some oldies don't understand FB. I've had annoying msgs from MIL who doesn't understand the private versus public messages. Bless them."

That's a bit ageist no? Only saying as I got my comment reported and deleted and threw this thread in jeapordy for a similar comment upthread.

I'm sure MNHQ already have this on their radar right guys?

but hey! I can see this was meant in jest. The keyboard warriors will not alas.