To be angry/upset about FB 'congrats'

[44PumpLane]

I know in the grand scheme of life it's not a big deal, and if this is the biggest thing in life I have to worry about I'm hugely fortunate.

However, I'm upset and angry that when I popped on FB last night, two acquaintances had posted their congratulations on my pregnancy!

My husband and I only use our FB pages to keep up with friends and family around the country/world. We don't have relationship statuses on there, we don't post lots of pictures of our lives- we are in the process of telling the people we want to know that we are pregnant but we were never intending to put it on FB.

An old family friend and the mother of a friend posted last night- luckily near midnight so very few people would have seen. I've shut down my FB account for the time being- but who does that?!? I mean really?!? There is literally nothing on the page insinuating anything is going on in my life- if you truly want to congratulate me them PM me!

I feel so angry and upset to think some family who we've not yet told may see it. Plus it's our bloody news to tell!!! Grrr!

Sorry just needed to rant!

It is perfectly possible to set up Facebook to prevent/remove 95% of all the things that people complain about happening on Facebook.

I have done this and I am over 45.

YABU

Personally I would never share someone else's news on social media, unless they have already posted something themselves. And as for learning about deaths on FB - how utterly appalling

I think some people forget that 'their news' (I'm going to be an auntie/grandparent etc) is first and foremost someone else's news. They want to share their way with a big excited FB post but in doing so they've taken away your pleasure at sharing your way by telling people face to face or on the phone.

Today 10:44 fuckincuntbuggerinarse

Well, surely the op must take responsibility for having lax Facebook settings since she's that bothered?

arse I have indeed taken responsibility for this- I've mentioned im probably mostly angry with myself given how easy it is to put settings on your account to prevent others posting things to your wall.

I'm 67, use FB and am able to comprehend that life can be lived without it (imagine..!)
I'm also able to set my privacy settings securely, have the common sense not to post mundane queries on others walls (I use WhatsApp or text for that) and don't feel that I have to tell the world other people's news - good or bad..!
Many people less than half my age seem unable to comprehend any of these things - but that's them, not their age...
I agree with arse

Seams - you manage to use WhatsApp too? Well done!

I agree with arse as well. No apology from the OP yet I see despite being challenged.

But please can people stop repeating that disgusting ageist post word for word? It's now been deleted.

People are strange these days. It's a wonder any of us venture past our front door.

Well, surely the op must take responsibility for having lax Facebook settings since she's that bothered?

Maybe the gossips should take some responsibility for their actions? It's bad manners and disrespectful to those people - whom we assume you love and care about -

Am actually quite annoyed that I bothered to post a thoughtful considered post now without reading the full thread, including the ridiculous comment about people over 45.

Yes, oddly enough, I am over 45 - however, I am not the one who has internet incontinence. That is my friend who is UNDER 45. In fact, under 40!! OMG. She is a YOUNG internet incontinent. Happens, you know.

God.

I doubt they even gave it much thought apart from wanting to congratulate the OP.

Ageism is bad, but it's not that bad. It usually just shows that the person making the comment is very immature.

YANBU. Similar thing happened to me. I never announced my pregnancy on FB. I told the family members I thought were a liability to keep it off FB. About two weeks before mat leave started a workmate put up and tagged a photo of me on FB, luckily you couldn't tell I was pregnant. I was annoyed but no harm, no foul.
Until after DD was born. I sent a text message to a different friend at work and told her to let the team know DD had arrived. All the family was told prior to this, but not my more distant friends (time differences prevented this). We chose to hold off on FB until DD had a full name (couldn't agree a middle name) but low and behold that same workmate posted 'congrats on your new arrival." Then all the other comments and congrats started. I didn't catch the post in time to delete.
I should have known better and I should have said keep it off FB, but I hadn't slept in about 4 days and had other things on my mind at the time. I didn't tell her off as I know it wasn't malicious. However she took away my chance to announce my DD's birth and the surprise. I will always be annoyed about it. Sounds dramatic but it was important to me. DD is my first and came after a miscarriage.

Ageism is bad, but it's not that bad

Just you wait until you encounter it. I have a feeling that when you do you might want to reconsider that comment.

I asked for my post to be removed a while back, it just hasn't happened yet.

It was thoughtless of me, absolutely, and quite clearly I have offended people for which I apologise.

I have also asked for the thread to be removed, simply because it has offended so many people which isn't nice at all and I'm rather embarrassed about it (rightly so).

For all those who gave their views to me- thank you for your perspectives and thank you for the suggestions relating to FB security.

Why has my post been deleted? Wow HQ, you delete my post for objecting to the OP agreeing with an ageist comment? I didn't use bad language, it wasn't a 'personal attack' on the OP so perhaps you could quote back the part of my text that is against the guidelines? I'm not too old to understand it.

arse it's fine if they choose not to delete, I simply wondered if it might be the best course of action due to the offence it's caused.

arse I understand your point completely. And you are correct it was callous of me to agree with the comment and I would not have done so with any other protected group. It was unnecessary and thoughtless.

It will be arse my post was deleted and I have no idea why.

It seems you can tell someone to fuck off and that's perfectly fine but to object to a 'yeah ha ha ha anyone over 45 is useless' type of post is acceptable. This place is a fucking joke these days.