To be angry/upset about FB 'congrats'

[44PumpLane]

I know in the grand scheme of life it's not a big deal, and if this is the biggest thing in life I have to worry about I'm hugely fortunate.

However, I'm upset and angry that when I popped on FB last night, two acquaintances had posted their congratulations on my pregnancy!

My husband and I only use our FB pages to keep up with friends and family around the country/world. We don't have relationship statuses on there, we don't post lots of pictures of our lives- we are in the process of telling the people we want to know that we are pregnant but we were never intending to put it on FB.

An old family friend and the mother of a friend posted last night- luckily near midnight so very few people would have seen. I've shut down my FB account for the time being- but who does that?!? I mean really?!? There is literally nothing on the page insinuating anything is going on in my life- if you truly want to congratulate me them PM me!

I feel so angry and upset to think some family who we've not yet told may see it. Plus it's our bloody news to tell!!! Grrr!

Sorry just needed to rant!

YANBU - we were very careful not to do this with two relatives in the last year. Of course we were absolutely thrilled, and told them so, but we're aware their Facebook possibly has friends on it who have not been told yet.
I don't think you should make a big deal of it, though, or get too upset over it. They had good intentions, and pulled down the posts when asked.

MsFraser - I know everyone uses social media differently, but surely a little bit of thought about the effects of any posts doesn't hurt?

I only congratulate via FB when that person has put it on their own page and I'll comment but agree that some people like to look as if they were the first to know

Oh yes & as someone else has said older people don't always understand the difference between messaging & the wall.

if someone hadn't already shared the news on fb themselves, not a chance would i publicly congratulate them... what's wrong with texting/calling or if you're that glued to fb, sending a pm !?

Congratulations

YANBU and this would massively piss me off. However I'm speaking as someone who counts permanently deleting my FB account as one of the best things I've ever done

I think you need a grip and to calm yourself down

I agree

I thought when it happened to me my husband also got to grow one of his own too?! Isn't that how biology works?!

No, a man does not "grow" a baby because a man doesn't have a womb.

Unless you tell people that the personal information you give out about yourselves isn't for general consumption, than how are they supposed to know? Are you seriously trying to tell me that they were supposed to deduce that they shouldn't of congratulated you via Facebook because your Facebook is vague and uninteresting?

I have an Facebook account to follow and to sign up to things, I don't post on or broadcast I use it because that's not how I'd prefer to stay in contact. If your going to have a Facebook account then it's up to you to define your parameters and not for others to guess.

"The people you mention sound older. I have found some of the older frequent & enthusiastic users of facebook post all sorts of things I wouldn't (they'll share other people's profile pics etc). They clearly didn't mean to upset you & I don't think you should be angry with them."

Devilish you're right- they are indeed older and you're right I shouldn't be angry with them.

To be honest think I'm a bit angry at myself for not changing my settings before starting to tell people. It's frustrating that I didn't given how easy it is. Maybe that's why it's bothered me so much- I see this kind of thing on here all the time so I really should have changed my settings first!

"I thought when it happened to me my husband also got to grow one of his own too?! Isn't that how biology works?!

No, a man does not "grow" a baby because a man doesn't have a womb."

Badger......seriously? Sarcasm!!! I clearly typo'd and was making a joke of it. For the sake of clarity I AM AWARE A MAN HAS NO WOMB AND IS THEREFORE UNABLE TO GESTATE OR BIRTH A CHILD. Better?

what difference does it make if your aunty finds out via someone else and not you?

Coconutty "YANBU but the we are pregnant really made me cringe."

not purposeful I promise. I may have to go back and edit!

I usually say "expecting a baby" as then I get to include him too and bless him, he does a lot!

Hi can understand that you are disappointed in not sharing the news first.

However, I think if you were at the stage of telling acquaintances, then I think I would presume (assume?) that family, even those further away, would already know, hence it would be okay to post.

Yanbu people can be ignorant. When my friends baby was born she sent a text to close family & friends. One of those friends decided to post onto Facebook the fact the baby had been born and name / weight etc. Sometimes i think it's that people are different and sometimes I think its that some people love being the first to announce something. When I was only 8 weeks pregnant my best friend kept tagging me in pregnancy related articles I've got my privacy settings as high as I can get them but you can't avoid it completely without deactivating Facebook all together and i use it to keep in touch with family that live far away.

I disagree with people who think you're overreacting. I'd be annoyed. I think it's very rude and thoughtless. I would never, ever acknowledge an engagement, wedding or pregnancy on social media unless the couple had done so first. Send a PM if you aren't sure.

One of my friends had this when her son was born. She and her husband hadn't put anything on Facebook about the birth as they were still telling people on the phone, and her aunt put 'congratulations on the birth of your baby boy' and tagged them. This, essentially, then served as their birth announcement to their friends- which is really flipping unfair.

Those older people haven't a clue, have they? I know plenty of people who do this regardless of age.

OP, I think once you've announced your pregnancy then it's 'out' and people either talk about it or post things on social media,it's just the way things are now. If you want to keep things quiet then you don't tell anyone.

Congratulations

I'm with you here OP I would be angry too - BUT I have to add that you really needed to specify to people that it was on a social media blackout.

We've recently told people that a baby is brewing and we were very clear that it was not to appear on Facebook for two reasons one that my family are in Devon and we hadn't told everyone yet (we live in Suffolk) and secondly because of previous miscarriages - I know how upsetting a pregnancy announcement/congrats on FB can be if you are at home silently going through a loss.

There are two kinds of people who do this- people who don't really know how to use FB in terms of posts to walk not being private, and people for whom FB is so ingrained a way of life that thoughts are transferred directly from their heads to their wall (or yours).

I don't even think it's attention-seeking for most (although it is for some as they get to be the news source)- it's just that FB has become a filterless spinal reflex for many people. Thing happens...post to Facebook so world of tenuous friends is aware that life is interesting and have real friends...process it in real life.

It's the beginning of the end of socialisation as we used to know it. Now is not the time of the social group, it is the time of the ego.

Ahhhhhh! Love a good rant in the morning me

2manysweets good point!

arethereany not a jot of difference to me, she on the other hand will be affronted not to have been told personally.

Today 08:58 228agreenend

Hi can understand that you are disappointed in not sharing the news first.

However, I think if you were at the stage of telling acquaintances, then I think I would presume (assume?) that family, even those further away, would already know, hence it would be okay to post."

We weren't telling acquaintances- no one we've told has posted. People we told have passed info on.