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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to call in sick

241 replies

reallysomepeople · 18/06/2016 20:45

To go away for a few days? Long story short my best friends child was diagnosed with Cancer a few months ago. It's a very aggressive cancer and the odds are not in their favour (9-12 months but we are praying for longer and they are doing really well.) We are all devastated and trying to support/help/love as much as we can.

We (me, my dd and dh) have been asked to go on their make a wish holiday with bf. Obviously I said yes of course we would be honoured. Mentioned it to my boss who knows about the situation and she said maybe but not if it's this summer??? (As its a very busy time.)The dates have come through and obviously it is this summer holiday.

So AIBU to just say sod it I am going and thats it and call in sick for the week? I will add I don't like my job very much and I am looking elsewhere but not a lot about at the minute.

OP posts:
ReginaldBlinker · 21/06/2016 06:08

Iamworried but it isn't her child - that's the problem I think.

Everyone is slating her boss, but their job isn't to make sure her personal life is accommodated for. They will be held accountable for their team goals, and if losing someone for a week means not achieving those targets, I can see why they're saying no. It's not warm and fuzzy, but the OP's actions could have very far reaching ramifications. It could not only affect her boss's employment, but those who work alongside her, or if she's in an industry like nursing, possibly those patients lives as well. It's not as black and white as many of you are making out.

OP, I know you said a long weekend is a no, but could you negotiate for one over this holiday, so you could go away for a short while, the family would still get a bit of time to themselves, and your boss wouldn't lose you for a whole week?

Apart from that, I think you need to accept that a no is a no. Part of adult life, and it's not ideal and I do feel for you - but I don't think you should let your grief cloud your judgement.

blueshoes · 21/06/2016 10:37

A week might be too long. Your boss might be prepared to compromise if you shorten it to 3 days.

I'd ask first. You had previously only sounded her out. You now need to make it clear this is a formal request.

Also, make it (politely) clear it is non-negotiable. It is a one-off because of your closeness with family and this will not open the floodgates to a similar request for any distant relative or friend. Remember you have not been at the company that long and you don't have a long track record of not taking the piss on holiday requests. Put yourself in your boss' shoes - this may set a precedent and she needs to credibly explain it to your colleagues who are not allowed to take off during the busy period why you have been granted an exception for a friend's child.

Offer to work in lieu.

Then at the end, if you are not getting anywhere, you can throw in the reduction in the days. I reckon your boss should fold at this point and cut a deal with you.

If not, you will have to quietly go nuclear and only at this point offer to resign. She will not be keen to lose you since you offer so much value added over and above your official hours. Even if she is a hardass boss, if she is rational, she will see the cost/benefit to this negotiation.

There are quite a few levels to this negotiation before you need to go nuclear. Just calmly state your case and systematically roll through your points. Your boss will respect that. This is contrasted with destroying her trust with a week long sickie that she is not given any time to plan cover for.

OnionKnight · 21/06/2016 12:24

If any of my employees told me it was non negotiable then they'd be in for a shock and if they went nuclear and resigned I'd very happily escort them of the premises.

ReginaldBlinker · 21/06/2016 13:07

Agreed Onion. I would not tolerate being held to ransom.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/06/2016 13:56

I would not tolerate being held to ransom

Nor me, I'm afraid Sad

I'm also a bit perplexed as to why a shorter time spent on holiday with the family isn't acceptable either; personally I'd have thought it ideal to enjoy a few days together and then leave them in privacy

harverina · 21/06/2016 14:15

You can't miss the holiday.

However given that you are in quite a senior role I would take the dates to your boss again and say "I'm sorry that the dates I need off are in our very busy period, however, I require annual leave during this period and I regard this is being necessary". Say you will work hard leading up to your holiday and afterwards to try and make up for the time you will be away, but do not beg or ask if this is ok. Assume it is because no manager with a heart would have the audacity to say no.

Then wait for a response!

StealthPolarBear · 21/06/2016 14:25

Yes I agree with people saying offer to resign...but only if you mean it. And presumably by the time you get back they'll be advertising your job ;)

museumum · 21/06/2016 14:33

I would resign. It wouldn't be "let me go or I'll resign" it would be "I really want to continue working here and take some leave / unpaid / whatever but I can't miss out on this time with our two families before this girl dies so if I really can't have leave I reluctantly hand in my notice".

mummytime · 21/06/2016 14:44

I would be honest - then as you said they have a long drawn out dismissal process as they want to seem "fair"

Well how "fair" would they seem with a sad face article in the press?

FledglingFridge · 21/06/2016 15:10

I would go. Museumum seems have to most diplomatic way of doing it that I can see.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/06/2016 16:30

Well how "fair" would they seem with a sad face article in the press?

Oh dear ...

ilovesooty · 21/06/2016 17:01

Exactly Puzzled

Oh dear...

PolitelyDisagree · 21/06/2016 21:01

I'd be curious as to how lying to the employer would work out.

Would the OP have to call in sick on the Monday morning from her hotel room, then spend the week avoiding a sun tan and all photos? Would she have to post fake updates on her social media about being sick and have to tell her family to do the same?
Then when she returned to work would she manage to sound convincing when collegues ask her if she is feeling better? Would she feel guilty when she signs her employees statement of sickness?

I couldn't do it myself.

Original poster
reallysomepeople · 21/06/2016 22:01

TBH I don't have any moral issue with lying as such and I don't care about being 'fair' to my boss. Not because I am terrible human (well I don't think so) but because I work so hard for the company, today I started work at 7.30am and left the office at 9pm because this week I am covering for 2 other people who do entirely different roles in the company (in an area of the business that doesn't have the summer restriction) adding extra time and duties to my day so those 2 people could go on holiday together. They booked and then several other people quit leaving no cover. I don't feel this is an unreasonable request my team would manage fine. Its actually 4 days leave as one of the days is a non working day its also not in a hot country.

I hate the idea of lying and worry (I am a worrier) that I will be caught out and it will be awful. However I want to very much go on this holiday and I am cross that I am in this situation.

OP posts:
Gazelda · 21/06/2016 22:14

The organisation you work for aren't coming across as avert family friendly employer. Nor do they seem to want to make much effort to retain their staff.
However, can't you see that your boss is in a difficult position too? Not least because you haven't actually formally applied for leave, yet are planning how to deceive her.
You are obviously a hard worker and are dedicated, but if you call in sick for the 4 days, won't that mean someone else has to work bloody hard to cover for you? Surely an honest approach with your boss and a promise to try to find a solution to the workload and 'on call' issue for the 4 days would be far better?
Personally, I couldn't enjoy or relax on holiday if I had the fear of my P45 waiting for me on my return.

ilovesooty · 21/06/2016 22:16

Politely - not to mention a return to work interview. I couldn't do it either.

Still since the OP says she's not worried about the moral issue of lying but only really about being found out I assume she's going to take the chance.

PurpleDaisies · 21/06/2016 22:20

However I want to very much go on this holiday and I am cross that I am in this situation.

Isn't that just the nature of work though-you can't always have the time off you want? When I was teaching in school there was no way I could take term time holiday. That's just the way it is, and it doesn't sound like the boss is being inconsistent or vindictive.

I hope you can talk to her and reach an agreement. Lying about being sick will fool no one and get you in a whole heap of trouble.

PolitelyDisagree · 21/06/2016 22:26

Really If the company is so crap why wouldn't you resign?

Original poster
reallysomepeople · 21/06/2016 22:47

Purpledasies- I understand that is the nature of the work and I have primary age DC and I accept like I did last year that I can't take holiday in the summer. However this is quite an extreme situation. My DH is a teacher and his boss would grant the time if it was term time and has in fact done so in similar circumstances for another teacher.
Politely- The company is is though but I am looking elsewhere but resigning without somewhere else to go would be a last resort.
sooty- I have decided to try and appeal to my boss and tell her I am going and accept the consequences if she doesn't grant the leave. I am hoping she will realise how difficult it will be if I leave entirely during the busiest time of year.

OP posts:
Original poster
reallysomepeople · 21/06/2016 23:10

*the company is so so my boss is crap though

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 22/06/2016 07:11

Bills to pay, presumably

moofolk · 22/06/2016 11:12

Just go. Say you cannot come into work on those dates so they have warning, but go. You do not have to explain yourself and your friend's family is the most important thing here.
Weigh it up - how bad would you feel to not go? What are you saying to your friend (you are saying that your shit job you don't like is more important than her child).
Your boss would be an absolute dick to sack you for this, but would be more able to do this if you lie.

BreakerofChains · 22/06/2016 11:42

If one of my employees told me that they were taking time off and that they wouldn't take no for an answer I'd tell them not to bother coming back in.

I can't believe that people think that'll fly in the workplace anyway, particularly as the OP has already been told no.

KoalaDownUnder · 22/06/2016 12:38

I don't get it either, Breaker.

I know I'll get called heartless for this, but a) it's not the OP's child, b) she is therefore (presumably) not eligible for carer's leave, or similar, and c) the only employees who have this kind of clout are those who have extremely specialised skill-sets (i.e. are virtually irreplaceable).

It sucks, but it's reality.

ilovesooty · 22/06/2016 13:40

you do not have to explain yourself

This just gets more and more unbelievable.

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