Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to call in sick

241 replies

reallysomepeople · 18/06/2016 20:45

To go away for a few days? Long story short my best friends child was diagnosed with Cancer a few months ago. It's a very aggressive cancer and the odds are not in their favour (9-12 months but we are praying for longer and they are doing really well.) We are all devastated and trying to support/help/love as much as we can.

We (me, my dd and dh) have been asked to go on their make a wish holiday with bf. Obviously I said yes of course we would be honoured. Mentioned it to my boss who knows about the situation and she said maybe but not if it's this summer??? (As its a very busy time.)The dates have come through and obviously it is this summer holiday.

So AIBU to just say sod it I am going and thats it and call in sick for the week? I will add I don't like my job very much and I am looking elsewhere but not a lot about at the minute.

OP posts:
BreakerofChains · 20/06/2016 17:40

Of course I would, it's not her child.

I don't mean to come across as harsh, obviously I'm sympathetic to the OP's situation but if she calls in sick and gets disciplined/sacked then she is potentially risking a lot.

SouthWesterlyWinds · 20/06/2016 17:43

Cover your bets - apply for other jobs now so that you have fall back just in case. And go. It's clear you love this child like your own and to be invited also shows how much the child also loves you

catgirl1976 · 20/06/2016 17:46

Which I why I suggested an alternative to ringing in sick. I think that would be a huge mistake.

The best she can do is appeal to her boss' compassion and possibly bringing up the right to parental leave makes it a little more formal and hopefully a little harder to say no (depending on how genuinely likely the business is to suffer if she takes time off on those dates). If it's just a bit inconvenient rather than critical, formalising the request and requiring a written explanation if it is refused for those dates might make a difference.

If the boss still says no, I think the OP should try to get another job (esier said than done but she says she is looking)

FWIW I would grant the request and I think most others managers / business owners would too.

If she called in sick when she wasn't however I would probably sack her. Don't go that route OP unless you are preapred for that to be the consequence.

PolitelyDisagree · 20/06/2016 17:46

I understand why the OP would like to go but the child's parents will be with the child so I don't think mentioning 'parental leave' will or should have any sway.

From the employers point of view I can see how this might not appear to be as compelling reason as some other reasons such as caring for a sick parent or child.

catgirl1976 · 20/06/2016 17:54

True, Politely. But the employer doesnt have to think the OP has a good reason to request it. It's a statutory entitlement. They cannot refuse it, only delay it.

Which of course may happen here if it really would be significantly disruptive to the business for the OP to be off on those dates.

But it's better to try combined with apealling to her compassion than ring in sick IMO).

lougle · 20/06/2016 18:07

Yes, but parental leave to go on a holiday isn't going to sound very compelling, regardless of the reason for that holiday. It's going to sound manipulative - the OP is trying to force the employer's hand.

It would be so much better to have a proper conversation with the employer, in which the OP explains the circumstances, tells the employer that she feels compelled to go and is willing to do whatever it takes. If the employer is adamant that there is no way leave will be granted, the OP can say that regretfully, she feels she has no choice but to offer her resignation.

Iamworried2016 · 20/06/2016 18:13

I can't be arsed to read the sanctimonious responses telling you how wrong this is or that you are stealing from the company.. just go, you will never regret doing it and you probably will regret not doing it.
Life is too short.
I once took 2 weeks off sick to go on a once in a lifetime trip, the job I had at the time I barely even remember the place or any of the people in it but the trip I remember every second of.. you are only being unreasonable to even have to ask.

OrangesandLemonsNow · 20/06/2016 18:16

I can't be arsed to read the sanctimonious responses telling you how wrong this is or that you are stealing from the company

Yet you must have done to come up with that rude response.

catgirl1976 · 20/06/2016 18:25

You're right, a proper conversation with her boss is the best way forward and I can see that throwing in the PL might seem stroppy / forcing things.

If the boss says no after the OP sets it all out and says she'll be contactable / sort cover / work extra hours before and after etc then resigning is probably the only way she can go. And I would go if I were the OP. But I'd be looking for another job in case things do go that way.

YepBeenThere · 20/06/2016 20:13

I don't imagine OP, when you're sitting there at that little girl's funeral, that you'll find an awful lot of solace in thinking; 'Well, at least I didn't let my boss down.'

PurpleDaisies · 20/06/2016 20:30

And when the family has the house repossessed after the op gets fired yep I bet she'll be so pleased she lied to her boss.

Iamworried2016 · 20/06/2016 20:36

"I can't be arsed to read the sanctimonious responses telling you how wrong this is or that you are stealing from the company

Yet you must have done to come up with that rude response."

Actually no I read maybe the first half a page.. and my response is no ruder than anyone else and I think in this case no one in their right mind can even suggest she doesn't go. I would move hell or high water to have a holiday with my lost child again and for all those nights I was home late and missed out on seeing her before she went to bed I can't say I look back and think oh well I'm glad I got the sales targets I was set, I bitterly regret it.
In years to come its the things that matter now that will matter. I'm sorry if it offends you Oranges but hey ho, I won't lose any sleep over it and I hope the OP does whatever she has to do to be there and never looks back and wishes she'd done more.

EverySecondCounts · 20/06/2016 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CottonSock · 20/06/2016 20:41

I think I'd do fomal annual / parental leave request, and if denied tell them I'm taking unauthorised absence.would you be able to enjoy it knowing you were supposed to be sick? Think I would be anxious whole time

Puzzledandpissedoff · 20/06/2016 20:43

Errr - I don't know if anyone's noticed, but OP hasn't been back since Saturday; perhaps she's not reading anyone's thoughts now?

Whatever she's decided to do I hope it works out for the best ... and that she doesn't have to come back to talk about being sacked Sad

blueskywithclouds · 20/06/2016 20:49

If you are found out and dismissed, surely it would be harder to then get another job? Your reference wouldn't be good. That in itself would be enough for me to not lie.

woollyminded · 20/06/2016 20:49

I have a good reputation at work, I am sensible and diligent. But something like this would be more important than work for me. As many of us who are long distances from our blood relatives and don't have tight extended families our friends are essential. This year I have had one of my friend's kids living with me for 3 months because they were in a pickle. You step up.

But I didn't call in sick, I was able to build up some TOIL and flexi hours to make it work which was great. Had I needed to I would have negotiated some unpaid leave and like you made proper arrangements for cover and communication. Calling in sick would have loaded it on to my colleagues and that would have been wrong, they have their own things going on and my home stuff doesn't trump theirs.

StealthPolarBear · 20/06/2016 20:50

Agree with lougle and cat girl. I can't belive the myths on this thread

  • they can't fire yiu unless they have concrete proof you were lying about being sick (guess what, you can even be fired for being genuinely sick)
  • they can't fire you for just going as long as you're honest (fairly sure not turning up for a week would be gross misconduct)
  • you're entitled to x sick days a year (hmm. ..Kind of, when you're SICK)
And the best one, that an employer has no right to deny a holiday request!!

Seriously some people have clearly never entered the world of proper work!

blueshoes · 20/06/2016 21:28

Agree with Stealth.

mypropertea · 20/06/2016 21:44

Your boss is horrid. What a nasty thing to do!

StealthPolarBear · 20/06/2016 21:46

Presumably the boss has a responsibility to deliver the work though. I do get it and if I were the ops line manager I would do everything I can - short of not actually delivering the job we're all here to do.

StealthPolarBear · 20/06/2016 21:50

I'll add another couple of myths:

  • HR are in loco parentis and can resolve issues just by going aww and telling people to behave. Bit like telling teacher at school.
  • work is there to give you something to fill your time. There's no actual requirement to do anything if you don't feel like it, or have a better offer. It's up to your line manager to sort out cover that's what they get paid huge sums of money for.
Original poster
reallysomepeople · 20/06/2016 22:26

Hi all
Sorry I haven't had a chance to log in since saturday as I was working all weekend!

I would have no issue with taking TOIL heaven knows I have enough of it but I am not allowed to until after the busy period. I can't take a long weekend either as they would still mean a) taking 1/2 days off b) not being on call. We have of coursed visited lots and lots already and I try to go round once every few weeks. This however is a very special trip(not to somewhere I am particularly bothered about going to under normal circumstances.) that would allow us to create some wonderful memories together.

I can't offer to be on call if I got a call it would mean leaving the holiday and returning to site which is not feasible.

I could approach my boss again although I am pretty sure she fully understood what I was asking I have been very open about the diagnosis and the impact it has had on me. I am just convinced she will say no and then I will be forced to either cancel or resign both of which are crap situations.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 20/06/2016 22:30

It sounds like you're still planning on calling in sick op. Is that right?

PolitelyDisagree · 20/06/2016 23:11

Lying to your employer is a crap option too.