AIBU to call in sick

[reallysomepeople]

To go away for a few days? Long story short my best friends child was diagnosed with Cancer a few months ago. It's a very aggressive cancer and the odds are not in their favour (9-12 months but we are praying for longer and they are doing really well.) We are all devastated and trying to support/help/love as much as we can.

We (me, my dd and dh) have been asked to go on their make a wish holiday with bf. Obviously I said yes of course we would be honoured. Mentioned it to my boss who knows about the situation and she said maybe but not if it's this summer??? (As its a very busy time.)The dates have come through and obviously it is this summer holiday.

So AIBU to just say sod it I am going and thats it and call in sick for the week? I will add I don't like my job very much and I am looking elsewhere but not a lot about at the minute.

[PurpleDaisies]

op of course you must go, do not even listen to the doom and gloomers

Will you pay her mortgage if she gets sacked?

[ilovesooty]

Purple I'm wondering if some of these posters know the first thing about the workplace.

[PurpleDaisies]

ilovesooty I was thinking exactly the same thing.

[FirstWeTakeManhattan]

Ignore the pearl clutchers Oh that one. Now only used on threads where no-one is clutching anything.

op of course you must go, do not even listen to the doom and gloomers



Helpful guys.

OP, offer to be on call if necessary. Offer to be contactable for problems or even to check in by Skype at an agreed time for 10 minutes every second day or so if that would help.

Lying could really backfire, don't do it.

[birdsdestiny]

Op can I ask how you asked your boss. Did you speak to them on your own and put your case or did you mention it vaguely in passing whilst they were dealing with other things. I know this will sound heartless but is it possible they only half registered what you were saying and trotted out the standard holiday request reply. I was a manager for a long time and I know there were times when I have given the standard official response without fully hearing what was being said. I was not being a good manager on these occassions but that doesn't mean I wasn't a good manager most of the time. Only you know your boss. If you requested a meeting and explained fully it is possible the response would be different, especially if you provided a range of options such as unpaid leave. One other thing, it is very easy for people to say just do it, they will not be there if you cannot pay your bills.

[gandalf456]

Good point, birds. I know I've been in that situation with managers but when I've been more insistent, I've been listened to (some of the time, anyway).

[sashh]

Talk to your team, possibly be available via phone / email and then present your line manager with

I will be absent date x to date y. A child who is a close friend of the family is terminally ill and this is my only opportunity to spend time wit them. I would like to take this as holiday / TOIL.

My team have agreed to A B and C. If there is a major problem I will be available by phone, I will check emails 8am and 6pm each day (pick two times you can do it).

If I am unable to take this as holiday/TOIL then I will take it as an unpaid leave of absence.

[SheHasAWildHeart]

stealing from your company
Is it really? You're entitled to x days paid sick leave each year. If you're within that x amount you'll get paid. If you're not it'll be unpaid.
I took three months off - two months paid and one month half-pay when my mum was dying. Don't regret it for a moment.

[CoolforKittyCats]

You're entitled to x days paid sick leave each year. If you're within that x amount you'll get paid. If you're not it'll be unpaid.

I would say that calling in sick when you aren't is dishonest and would result in a breakdown in trust with the employer and probably the rest of the team.

[lougle]

SheHasAWildHeart

stealing from your company
Is it really? You're entitled to x days paid sick leave each year. If you're within that x amount you'll get paid. If you're not it'll be unpaid.

You're entitled to the above for genuine sickness. Anything else is fraud and stealing.

[catgirl1976]

OP - I would write to your employer setting out the situation and stating you are applying for parental leave (to which you are entitled).

Your DC are going on this trip so I think it would qualify.

Your employer can make you dealy the leave, but they must tell you why in writing. She could say "it would cause significant disruption to the business" but I think if you set out exactly why you need this leave on these dates and she has to say "don't care" in writing, it would take a very cold heart to decline you.

This link is useful www.gov.uk/parental-leave/overview

Please don't listen to posters who say you can't be sacked. If you've not been there 2 years they can sack you for any reason they like (assuming it's not discriminatory). In fact they don't even need reason. And no, you couldn't take them to a tribual.

Write the letter, set it all out and make it a formal request for parental leave.

[Cravingdairy]

Do not lie to your boss. It's a terrible idea. Beg and plead and cry and promise the earth but do not lie. It will be so so easy to get caught out and it could have a really detrimental affect on your family if you get sacked. Think of all the things you can do to minimise the impact of your holiday on the business and go in with it and explain how critical it is. Good luck with it - and I'm so sorry you're in the position. It must be an awful time.

[cansu]

I would inform them that I needed time off and explain the reasons. State that you are willing to take it as unpaid leave or as holiday. State that you understand it is inconvenient but that the child only has a very short life expectancy and therefore is very important.

They will either say no chance and you can make a decision whether to leave or get sick or they will in all likelihood accept it. I find it hard to believe they will say no and if they do it really tells you all you need to know about them.

I think being honest is better because that way they look like arses and you can hold your head up.

[PurpleDaisies]

OP - I would write to your employer setting out the situation and stating you are applying for parental leave (to which you are entitled).

How is the op entitled to parental leave? She isn't the ill girl's parent? It isn't technically necessary for the op's children to go on the trip and it sounds like the dh can supervise them.

It's a really sad situation but surely this sort of leave relies on the boss being a kind human being (I would grant it) rather than an actual employee's statutory right? I'm genuinely happy to be corrected of someone else knows the law here.

[catgirl1976]

The OPs DD is going on the trip

Parental Leave can be used simply to spend more time with your children. Such as going on holiday (not that this is really a holiday as such)

The OP is perfectly entitled to request parental leave in this situation.

[OrangesandLemonsNow]

The OP is perfectly entitled to request parental leave in this situation.

Which can also be denied

[catgirl1976]

Also - the parental leave is a stautory right. The employer cannot refuse it, only delay it if they have significant reason. Which they would have to put in writing within 7 days of the request.

You are entitled to 18 weeks leave across the first 18 years of your childs life. Leave must be taken in blocks of 1 week or more. But spending more time with your child qualifies as a vaid reason to request it. The OP would be spending the week with her DD and her DDs friend.

This is the route I would take. It is of course unpaid but if the OP doesn't believe the employer will grant her annual leave and was going to call i sick, this makes little difference.

[catgirl1976]

The employer cannot deny the request for parental leave.

They can only delay it (by no more than 6 months) with a valid reason put in writing. I think it would take a very cold heart to put in writing that " I appreciate a child is dying, but hey, it's a busy time why not have a week off in October instead"

[lougle]

Parental leave still has to be taken at the employer's convenience.

[PurpleDaisies]

The OP is perfectly entitled to request parental leave in this situation.
Being entitled to request it is rather different to being entitled to be given it as you implied in your earlier post.

[catgirl1976]

It can only be delayed if they have a good reason

It being a busy time of year would be an example of that but I think it's the OPs best route as they have to give her the leave and making her delay it in the circumstances would be very heartless. Especially in writing. With some evidence of why it would cause such a serious disruption to the buiness.

[ReginaldBlinker]

Sorry OP, I can appreciate what a tough situation it is and how badly you want to go, and I would try your very hardest to convey the importance of it to your boss, but if it's a no, I think calling in sick is wrong, and if you need this job, it could create a long-lasting problem for you which will have ramifications that could last much longer than you foresee now.

As others have suggested, I'd offer to be contactable whilst on holiday, commit to logging on every night or every morning to respond to anything deemed "urgent" (pre-agreed upon by you and your boss), and perhaps even appoint someone in your team to step in whilst you're away?

[BreakerofChains]

If I was the OP's boss I'd deny her request, it's a busy time of year and she knows that.

[catgirl1976]

Well she'll just have to quit or ring in sick then as clearly appealing to her boss' compassion due to the circumstances and putting a little bit of weight behind it by pointing out her statutory right to parental leave is such a terrible idea.

Would you really refuse a request in this situation Breaker? It's a pretty exceptional and very sad case.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I'm wondering if some of these posters know the first thing about the workplace

Tell me about it