AIBU to call in sick

[reallysomepeople]

To go away for a few days? Long story short my best friends child was diagnosed with Cancer a few months ago. It's a very aggressive cancer and the odds are not in their favour (9-12 months but we are praying for longer and they are doing really well.) We are all devastated and trying to support/help/love as much as we can.

We (me, my dd and dh) have been asked to go on their make a wish holiday with bf. Obviously I said yes of course we would be honoured. Mentioned it to my boss who knows about the situation and she said maybe but not if it's this summer??? (As its a very busy time.)The dates have come through and obviously it is this summer holiday.

So AIBU to just say sod it I am going and thats it and call in sick for the week? I will add I don't like my job very much and I am looking elsewhere but not a lot about at the minute.

[reallysomepeople]

Its important that we go on the holiday because we have been asked to I guess. They didn't ask their actual family (who they aren't very close to) they asked us and included us in that wish. As in the wish was 'I would like to go to xyz with reallysomepeople and family we are those that are dearest to them.
Libitina I can't really say what the job is as it would entirely out me. I assume it is perfectly legal?
Jane- I am NOT in the same position this is really an extremely unusual position if it was just a holiday but this is something more than that. Plus I have taken on board entirely what people have said like I said up thread I am going to try and appeal to my boss again. She is on holiday this week (as apparently the rules don't apply to her) so I will speak to her next week.

I can understand people saying don't call in sick and try something else but those who are suggesting we don't go at all I am a bit baffled by. A child I love so much is more than likely not going to make it to next year how the bloody hell would I say no to ANYTHING they ask of me and live with myself. Maybe I am too dramatic/too soft/ too sad or whatever but I will be going. I really do appreciate the advice and help I have been offered and like I said I will be going down another route.

[gandalf456]

You self certify for the first week unless you get signed off before that.

Just a moral question - why are people being so precious about what sounds like a complete bastard of a boss? It's only a problem if op is found out and the boss does something about that.

[PurpleDaisies]

Could you not get a sick note from a doctor? Maybe say you've being vomiting or they you're extremely stressed and need a few days off work.

Great idea-lying to your doctor as well as your boss is definitely the right thing to do.

[Brokentopieces]

I would go.

Could you not get a sick note from a doctor? Maybe say you've being vomiting or they you're extremely stressed and need a few days off work.
I'm in Ireland so maybe it's different here but it's extremely easy to get a sick note for work/college etc.

[Libitina]

OP, I'm intrigued as to what job it is that you do? 3 months of 7 days a week on call and no pay for the first week of leave? Is that even legal?

[PurpleRainDiamondsandPearls]

I knew it was a MAW trip but I still think YABU because you are totally unwilling to consider the alternatives. You are risking your job and possible future employment but as long as you know that, go ahead. To stick your head in the sand and hope for the best is ridiculously naive. There will be fall out and you need to prepare yourselves for this. Obviously, I hope there won't be, for your sake.

It's lovely that you were invited but the wish trip is for the DC and her close family. None of your justifications hold any weight, I'm afraid.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

Yes, I'm familiar with how the "make a wish" charities work; in fact I've done some major fundraising for one of them, which is why I'm aware that the aim is to give a wonderful time to the main recipient and the chance to make lovely memories to those dearest to them

It is of course nice if that can be spread to include close friends, but surely it's not compulsory - especially if there are other opportunities for those friends to spend time with the child?

[StealthPolarBear]

Ok she only gets one "wish" but I think people are suggesting you could take a long weekend another time and spend it all with her. Why is it so important you go on the make a wish trip?

[Janecc]

You are in the same boat as many people who work incredibly hard and effectively have done enough TOIL. To use this as justification for going on sick leave is inappropriate and will hold no truck if you are discovered by your employer.

You have been given some great advise and much sympathy and seem not to have taken it on board. Your perspective remains the same as when you originally asked the question. I assume you are stuck in this holding pattern through grief. The longer you choose to ruminate, the less chance you will have to either appeal to your employer or find alternative work.

It is lovely that your friends little girl has been offered a make a wish holiday.

[reallysomepeople]

Just to re iterate its not just a holiday its a make a wish holiday as in its provided by a charity and if anyone knows anything about this sort of thing you only get one wish full stop you can't have another with other charities etc. We are incredibly honoured to be included in this wish and I don't think I could say no to going without regretting it and feeling dreadful forever. How could I even explain to them? that my boss won't let me.
Also to re iterate I won't get paid as we don't get paid for the first week. That I have more than enough TOIL that I would just forfeit and no one would know so morally no issue for me in that respect. Its more the getting found out part and I hate the idea of looking over my shoulder and worrying the whole time.

[Cary2012]

Could you do something special over a weekend with this family instead? Has it got to be just this holiday? Just a thought but perhaps your family could have a special day instead to do something lovely for this little one instead?

[blueshoes]

Don't you need a sick note if you are off for 4 days? Better check the company policy. Lying on the return to work interview would also make me sick. As a manager, I have seen staff brazen it out - yuck and makes me lose utter respect for them.

[Jeanniejampots80]

I work in an area where people drag themselves in vomiting before calling in sick. Have done so myself too and would never fake a day off!! but in this situation I would just say to your boss that's "there is no decision to be made, I have to go and will be going. The only decision as I see it is whether yoi don't have me for a week or your don't have me for the entire summer as I will resign otherwise." If they are that dependant on you and you are covering loads of ppl I would hope they would see the week was the lesser of two evils. So don't lie just be honest and definitely go

[fleur34]

Horrible situation OP, I am so sorry for your friends little girl. How long a notice period are you on? Your company (especially your boss) sounds absolutely awful. I would definitely consider seeking employment advice. Would it be relatively easy for you to find another job with similar rewards etc?

Unhelpful comment but the daily mail would have a field day with this story...

[gandalf456]

Don't you?

You see, I don't think it's set in stone. In principle, I'd agree with you. I never call in sick when I'm not sick (well, have done in the distant past). In fact, I rarely call in sick even when I am (though actually disagree with this but that's just me).

If my boss turned down my booking a holiday because I wanted to go to Spain with a couple of mates. Fair enough. I'd go another time.

But this situation is different in my eyes. To me, this is not about going on holiday. To me, it's as unreasonable as not allowing someone time off to care for a dying mother, time off for a funeral, visit a sick relative overseas for just one last time. It calls for a different kind of flexibility and the boss has fallen short grossly. What the boss has done, to me, seems immoral. I know that sounds emotive but it is that kind of situation.

So, yes, pulling a sicky is a minor peccadillo in comparison to the above. Something a lot of people on here would not normally do as a matter of principle but, personally, I would not object to making an exception in this case - or a might just resign.

[PurpleDaisies]

She doesn't sound like a boss is I'd want to work for, but I don't think that's relevant at all when it comes to lying about being too ill to work.

[gandalf456]

What do you think of her boss's attitude?

[PurpleDaisies]

*From what OP has written here, I don't think I'd want to work for them either if they can be so inflexible.
I understand that-if she wants to resign ahead fo the holiday and look for another job, fair enough. Calling in sick when you're not is absolutely not on-she will be paid for going on holiday.

[gandalf456]

Who's to say they'll know anyway? How can they prove it?

From what OP has written here, I don't think I'd want to work for them either if they can be so inflexible. This isn't just about a week in the sun. It's a dear friend's child's last holiday. I cannot believe the attitude of OP's boss. I just cannot.

[PurpleDaisies]

I think this holiday is very important to you. There will be other jobs. Yes, if you lose it, it will be difficult but these things normally sort themselves out in a way a terminal cancer diagnosis won't.

Really?! The op is going to find it easy to find a new job having just been dismissed for abusing the company's such leave policy? Reckon the boss will give her a good reference?

[gandalf456]

From your last post, I might just risk it, personally. I think this holiday is very important to you. There will be other jobs. Yes, if you lose it, it will be difficult but these things normally sort themselves out in a way a terminal cancer diagnosis won't.

As for your boss, if you haven't appealed to her better nature by now, with what you have told her, you never will. Of course, it will be awkward for her but she will survive and things won't be for her as difficult as things are with you.

No one is indispensable. If you left, died, whatever, you would be replaced. She is just digging her heels in. It's just a few days of her company's lifetime.

[ImperialBlether]

I just don't think you can go. You cannot afford to lose your job over a four day holiday. If the summer is your busiest time, why could you all not go in September? You say your friend's daughter is luckily doing well at the moment.

Why can't you go somewhere for a weekend with them?

[reallysomepeople]

puzzledandpissedoff- I don't have an issue with lying to THIS company over THIS. I am not usually ok with lying in general.I do work bloody hard and go far and above what I am contracted. 7 days this week, late nights, early mornings and I am on call every day from June- Sept! I have no issue lying to this person because they couldn't give a shit about me or my wellbeing, despite the freaking company ethos being about caring for individuals. I feel like I am in a horrible position that any manager who was a decent person (knowing as mine does how badly affected I have been by this diagnosis, not because it has affected my work at all but because I told her ),would attempt to try and find a solution. She really is not very nice, she has had 2 of my team in tears today, both who are threatening to walk out (leaving me with even more work) and today I could have happily told her to stuff it and gone as well only for the fact I can't really afford it.

[Buckinbronco]

Oh yes I agree stealth. I'm not passing judgement on what they do or why they do it, I'm responding to posts on here saying its gross misconduct and she'll get sacked.

I'm Just pointing out a company can't decide you're not sick after you've self Cert'd just because they think is suspicious.
Either they have proof, or they are less ethical (because don't forget - one can get sick coincidentally at the same time they have been refused leave) and sacks them.

Those kind of companies don't tend to attract much integrity from their staff though, to be fair .

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

Personal integrity isn't relevant to whether or not the company can take action against you for having a week off sick

Perhaps not - although things which a lack of integrity can lead to can certainly trigger dismissal

Personally I've always found integrity essential to any kind of workplace success, and while it's true that OP's told us how very hard she works and how important her role is, she's also been open in saying she's relaxed about lying ... so who knows what the truth actually is?