To find this persons assistance a little sexist?

[rachelmonday1]

This may seem a little confusing, but I'm a crossdresser and am perfectly happy doing the day to day things that people do, whether wearing male or female clothes. This morning though, I went into my local B&Q to buy some paint brushes, masking tape etc for a decorating project that we're about to start. I was comparing paint brushes, when a male assistant approached me saying something like "Are you ok there love? Do you know what you're looking for" I was slightly taken aback, not because I think that he assumed I was a woman, but more about the way he asked his questions. Are women not supposed to know anything about paint brushes, or is it me?

Actuall,I don't think Rachel was wrong. Not massive in the scheme of things- but just part of the general sexism of everyday life.

Whatever the "nothing to see here" people say, it is very unlikely that the assistant would have asked that question, phrased that way of a man.

And whatever some people insist, there is nowhere in the country where men routinely call each other "love" in public. Or "pet, duck or hen"

I missed a few posts and only saw MariaSklodowska quoting " when his beans brushed his toast. "

I assumed it was some sort of weird euphemism

Thankyou Bert. As I clearly stated earlier, in no way am I complaining. I'm simply curious to know whether the phrasing of the question "Do you know what you're looking for?" would normally be asked of a woman as I've only experienced it today, whilst wearing probably appearing at first sight to be a woman, and never having experienced that phrasing when appearing as a man.

"have you got any idea what you even want you silly little woman" was the essential subtext...
Well Rach if you will wear pretty frocks, what do you expect?

Brilliant MariaSklodowska! That just about sums up my point!!!!!!

Maybe I'll wear this dress next time!!

Just wanted to send my best wishes to ego good luck.

I get occasionally get called love. It's never bothered me.

Bertrand - honest duck, they DO in Nottingham. I'll take ya...

Not saying OP that you're wrong about the sexism thing BTW - you might be quite right in your feelings about the tone of the remark.

B&Q staff must have an edict to be over friendly - it happens in most of my local stores, and not just to me. DH always gets the "alright mate" treatment.

No problems with "ok mate?".It was only todays experience and the context that it was in :)

I think it's an issue of nuance.

But he's a man, that's why he gets called mate and I get called love.

Not sure why mate is ok and love isn't.

SorryTipboov, I meant it was ok whenI go as my regular guy self.

Sorry OP I can't see how it's sexist.

I've always thought that every man who thought he could carry it off should dress as a woman and try shopping. Then you'll see what women have to put up with from the other side as it were. It would really open your eyes.

"But he's a man, that's why he gets called mate and I get called love.

Not sure why mate is ok and love isn't."

i would try to explain, but I'm not in the mood for the torrent of derision that would descend on my head if I did!

I find I've had less of this the older I've got. I've sort of become invisible. People look at me and don't want to call me 'love' anymore!!

Not sure why mate is ok and love isn't.

Mate is equivalent. On par. Your peer.
Love feels diminutive, special, something you'd call a little pet, child, etc

I'm sure other people feel differently.

Hmm can't say I've noticed women being called mate, but if the staff are using the term interchangibly but not love, then of course it would be sexist.

I don't think so cashmere. Men call their wives and partners love all the time, several of my male colleagues call me love or sweetheart and have done since day one and I know full well they respect me and frequently defer to me on questions, acknowledging that I know some areas better than they do. You can make anything sound patronising if you want to. It isn't the words, its the tone. Like I said upthread, I do work in B&Q and usually address women as either darling (picked up from another colleague) or cue dramatic music hun if I address them as anything at all. Men normally get mate. I will call them sir only if they are being particularly twattish and I wouldn't ever call a woman madam. Sounds like I'm reprimanding a child imo.

Men call their wives and partners love all the time, several of my male colleagues call me love or sweetheart

Sorry I was talking about 'love' in the context of customer service, not what is OK for loved ones and friends to call each other.
But I completely agree it's about tone.

See- I think it's pretty outrageous for male colleagues to call you "love" and "sweetheart". It's incredibly unprofessional.