To find this persons assistance a little sexist?

[rachelmonday1]

This may seem a little confusing, but I'm a crossdresser and am perfectly happy doing the day to day things that people do, whether wearing male or female clothes. This morning though, I went into my local B&Q to buy some paint brushes, masking tape etc for a decorating project that we're about to start. I was comparing paint brushes, when a male assistant approached me saying something like "Are you ok there love? Do you know what you're looking for" I was slightly taken aback, not because I think that he assumed I was a woman, but more about the way he asked his questions. Are women not supposed to know anything about paint brushes, or is it me?

No offense take DontBuyANewMumCashmere and it's a perfectly reasonable question. I suppose that I believe the term to relate more to guys than women these days because of the fact that women can wear whatever they like with no comments or questions.

Calling someone "love" is annoying? Don't move to Yorkshire then!

And as for it being sexist, what nonsense. I dispense my "loves" liberally amongst both men and women.

Also it really doesn't offend me to be called love. l just never get the feeling in these sort of situations that the person talking to me is trying to be patronizing, and surely it's all about meaning. Maybe I'm not easily offended.

It's not like some bloke in a van yelling 'oi darling' at you, which is nasty. I suppose it's context to a great extent and in B&Q it just wouldn't bother me.

In Yorkshire everybody is called 'love' male or female.

"In Yorkshire everybody is called 'love' male or female"

They aren't you know!

The point about being called "love" was not my query. I've been called love, sweetheart, luvvie and all sorts over the years and find it very flattering. It was more my percieved implication that women wouldn't know what they were looking for when buying a simple paint brush.

You are digging deep to be offended. It's a Friday, relax no need to find an issue

You're in a better position than most to say if it was sexist or not given you are treated as a woman and a man. If you felt it was different to how you would treated as a man, then, yeah, it probably was sexist and possibly patronising.

I'm not offended, honestly! I just found it a little patronising I suppose, and was wondering whether I was taking a different point of view purely because of what I was wearing. They guy was helpful and polite, and did his job well. I was just querying how you women would have viewed it.

If I heard a builder type bloke in B&Q go up to another bloke who worked there, and say 'Hello love can you tell me where your rawl plugs and your split pins are'
I'd eat my hat. Then go round to the nearest stairwell and do a shit on it.

I know a lot of women use it to both men and women but if men have a term they'd only use to women then isn't that a bit sexist? Obviously it's not offensive, but it does come across as patronising. I agree with PP it totally depends on tone though.

Thanks OP. I agree I've never heard a woman described as a cross dresser.

Most women have put up with patronising comments since they were young. We're used to it. Try going to a garage to get your car fixed or getting a plumber out to the house. The way women are spoken to is really awful at times.

It's perfectly possible to question something and find it sexist without being "offended".

To do a proper comparison you have to return next week in your male persona, hang around looking at some nail guns and and try and lure the same assistant.

That's very true Imperial, which is why when someone calls a woman love she'll generally have a good idea whether that person is being a patronizing arse or is just being friendly.

I despair

I did breakdown once ImperialBlether, and had to be bump-started by a guy who was actually very helpful, if a little patronising again with "keep the revs up and don't stall it on the way home as it won't start again"!

What do you despair of? The acceptance of causal sexism? Yes, me to. I thought it would have died out completely by now.

For goodness sake, when my DH is comparing tools/paint/paintbrushes etc, shop assistants will say, "You alright there mate? How can I help?" etc....

It was more my percieved implication that women wouldn't know what they were looking for when buying a simple paint brush

He was just doing job, didn't approach because he thought women can't buy a brush he is more than likely told by B&Q to ask each customer. It's called customer service they try and be helpful because they want you to spend money.

Nothing about being called love and offered help when buying a paint brush as a woman is sexist or offensive IMO. Somebody is just doing what there company says they have to

'oooh i went out in a dress and suddenly realised that women get patronised'
Give that person woman of the year award, quick.

I find it weird that people are minimising the op's assessment of the situ when they are in a unique position to tell the difference with how people react to those who present as male and female!

If Snoop didn't feel patronised by a DIY assistant, I don't think you should worry your pretty little head about it either.

I'm actually confused here though OP.

Are you saying that having spoken to you/interacted with you, these people thought you were female, just because you were wearing female clothing?

If that's the case, I would hazard a guess that you look and sound female no matter what you wear.

In which case, why don't they assume you're female when you wear jeans and a t.shirt?

Thankyou myownprivateidaho! My point exactly!!!

My dad is fairly able at diy since retirement it's his thing, we went to B&Q in my car last weekend to get him some bits for his latest project and we was approached by a male member of staff "do you need any help mate" as dad was looking at the stuff.
Customer service is asking customers if they want help, the shop assistants are just doing there job.

As somebody that went in to a very male dominated work sector many years ago I know what sexism can be like and it annoys me when people try to find it as a problem when it really isn't one i.e a shop assistant in B&Q saying need any help love when a woman looks at paint brushes.

IMO this is neither sexist or offensive to women