To find this persons assistance a little sexist?

[rachelmonday1]

This may seem a little confusing, but I'm a crossdresser and am perfectly happy doing the day to day things that people do, whether wearing male or female clothes. This morning though, I went into my local B&Q to buy some paint brushes, masking tape etc for a decorating project that we're about to start. I was comparing paint brushes, when a male assistant approached me saying something like "Are you ok there love? Do you know what you're looking for" I was slightly taken aback, not because I think that he assumed I was a woman, but more about the way he asked his questions. Are women not supposed to know anything about paint brushes, or is it me?

Nope no policy as long as you are friendly. Obviously you can't go Yo bitch, hows it hanging but saying sure, hun just take a left there and its on your right is perfectly acceptable. I would be hugely offended to be called madam. Like I was 10 and being told off. Would much rather darling or love or whatever. Like I said its the tone more than anything.

Men patronise women. You're not breaking any ground here OP.

What I want to know is whether you think you've ever done it?

Where díd you get that floral dress, OP? It seems to be a very flattering shape.

Sorry bertram didn't see your message. I really couldn't stick a workplace like that where you can't be familiar with your colleagues for fear of offence. We're just not that kind of store. We always get feedback from customers commenting on how much friendlier and more pleasant we are than other stores. Perhaps its down to area but our customers mostly seem to appreciate the informality. Of course you mostly don't call them anything but if we do its usually an informal, friendly name, not madam.

Not RTFT but B&Q can be a bit sexist I have found... I was actively cheered on by 2 checkout staff as I navigated a several hundred kg trolley 8ft long with wood round a customer on the opposite till without hitting anything, as if there is no way a woman could ever manage it. Aside from the fact I loaded the trolley, pushed it to the tills without causing carnage, or that I operate much bigger and heavier vehicles/plant than a B&Q trolley at work... I found it quite amusing really. Bet they were all ready to call for 'a man to come and help...'

If it was my store it was probably more that you got a heavy sideloader to steer straight! Its more than I've managed in all my years there Those things are bastards and notorious for the wreckage they cause. I once got a round of applause for managing to take out an entire layflat of parasols with a fence panel. They went like dominoes.

Tbh I don't think we are sexist, though I can't speak for other stores. I go out of my way to find a female if someone asks have you got a man to advise me. Just out of sheer spite.

limitedperiodonly: being the way I am, I listen and observe people an awful lot. I also try to treat everybody with respect and with politeness, so would be horrified to think that i had ever made a sexist remark to anyone.

*PovertyPain: the dress is very flattering and was from ASOS. It's a couple of years old now though, so I doubt very much whether they would have them now. It was just a pic that came to hand quickly to make a point.

I'm very jealous Rachel. You've a better figure, in it, than me. looks down at flat tits and middle aged spread

I'm a regular at B&Q and I was once asked by a man, as I was waiting to pay for the kitchen units I'd collected, "have you got a man in to do that, love?". The two staff members close by roared laughing. Poor chap was rather red faced when the female staff member told him I could probably show him how to put in a kitchen. tbf, he was probably touting for business! but just picked the wrong 'little woman'.

Whether you are horrified at the thought of making a sexist comment or not is of no concern to me OP. It doesn't mean to say you haven't ever made one or behaved in a sexist manner either as the man that you are or in your idea of a female persona.

I'd say that asking women whether they'd ever shared your experience of being patronised while touring as a woman wasn't an example of sexism so much as mansplaining or naivete.

In sales person 101 for a large retailer we were taught to say "key helpful phrases to open conversations" and this was one of them. Calling anyone and everyone love is common here although Love is more usual towards women and mate towards men but I can't get het up about it.

There was a better class of troll back in the day 😣

Limitedperiodonly, I just popped back to suggest that the op's mansplaining about being in such a unique position and able to inform women how they are being treated differently was a bit wearing, but you got in before me. The 15.18 post was my particular favourite.

I love the 'oh this old thing' note with the perfectly coiffed wig and matchy matchy necklace too. This was just the first pic I found! Oh, do you think I pass? Lil ol' me?

Do you use a dressing service, Rachel? I find it fascinating how much money and effort men are prepared to put into wearing a dress if they are just cross dressing because they like the fabric. I also know a lot of folk who dress to drive round town, but will take care not to have to talk to anyone as that will give them away.

I don't care if you are a cross dresser, but I bloody hate mansplaining. Unique perspective my fat unshaven arse.

Wear what you like, but don't come on a parenting website to ask if we think men treat women differently. It's just patronizing shite.

I used to work in a diy shop and it's a fact that on average a male customer was more likely to know what he needed/what he was going to do than a female customer. Sorry, but that's true.

I'm sure there are many women, myself included, who could run rings round blokes but on average they were more likely to come and ask and say they wanted to do x but they didn't know how to/didn't know what tools/paint/whatever they needed.

I'm from the north and "love" is common. It never used to bother me. As ive got older I've realised that im fine with someone my age or older calling me love but when an 18yo assistant in the co-op called me love the other day I really didn't like it.

Wow! Some people had sleepless nights and I hope I didn't cause them!

dogdrifts: I have never had any intention of "informing women" of anything and was merely asking for opinions. No, I don't use a dressing service and what you see is purely me being me and the fact that I have a "perfectly coiffed wig and matchy matchy necklace" simply reflects the way I choose to dress. I've learned how to improve my look over the years. I've never heard the term "mansplaining" before either, but assume that it refers to a man complaining? If I'm correct in that assumption, then I'm not complaining about anything and simply interested in other peoples views of a situation. It's how people learn! Thankyou for your comments though. I'm very aware that it takes allsorts to make a world, quite literally from one extreme to the other.

I've seen those pictures before OP, a couple of years ago. They are your best ones presumably, as they're the ones you post.

Got anything more recent or is this like OD when you meet the person and they look nothing like their pic?

Mansplaining is a man patiently explaining to a woman something she already knows.

What I'd like to know is why someone hasn't opened a clothes shop for all these crossdressing males that just like women's clothes but don't try to pretend to be women.

There's a fortune to be made there with 'male' dresses made out of 'female' fabric. Then the men would not have to wear wigs, stuff their bras and parody women in the most unfortunate way.

They could just be themselves.

I've seen those pictures before OP, a couple of years ago. They are your best ones presumably, as they're the ones you post.

Eh oop. Plot thickens

You wear our clothes, you get our experience of being on the receiving end of patronising, sexist behaviour.

There you go.

Goodness Me. The first picture I posted was quite simply one of the first in my Pictures folder, so no prizes for guessing why it might have appeared before. The second one was deliberately chosen because of the change of dress style and again is one of the first "more glamorous" ones in the folder.

I hope the attached satisfies your curiosity and doubt, although I have no doubt that I will now be accused of showing them because I want "pass" again.

The idea of a dress shop for men is not new. Several designers have designed male dresses, but much of the population cannot accept the idea of a man wearing dresses. Another debate on cultural dress or the overall views of the public is not necessary now either.

When in the comfort of my own home I don't "wear wigs, stuff their bras and parody women", but if I go out in public, then not to do so could easily lead to confrontation and physical abuse, simply due to me being myself and wearing whatever I choose to where. Much like you choose to without any issues!

Several designers have designed male dresses, but much of the population cannot accept the idea of a man wearing dresses.

The same was said about women when they wanted to wear 'male' clothes. They fought for it. They didn't put on false beards and stuff socks down trousers.

If men want to wear fabrics that are currently considered 'female' they need to get on with it instead of trying to parody women.

Yes, it will be hard. Yes, there will be prejudice. But if you don't fight for change, change won't happen.

Hullo Rachel

Mansplaining is a particular man explaining style. Like an elephant, hard to describe but instantly recognisable

Yeah, I have realised I didn't notice the Mainsplaining.

The interesting this is, that some of the women here don't think that there is an issue to explain at all

I suspect that you didn't notice the "mansplaining" because what the OP was reporting is just the normal day to day sexism we all live with- despite the attempts of some other women to deny it. Maybe we need a word to describe the phenomenon of women refusing to accept that sexism exists - to the extend of insisting that men regularly address each other as "love".......

Change is happening Fairenuff. The general view of the public regarding guys like me is becoming more accepting. As mentioned earlier when I said that most people either don't notice me or simply don't care what I'm wearing. The day will come when guys can wear whatever they like, just as women can now, but it's still a number of years away and i don't want physical abuse when I'm out in public in the meantime. At the same time, guys like me being out and about ARE breaking down the barriers, just not as quickly as some would hope. We'll get there!! :)

DonkeyOaty: Thanks, I understand now :)