To find this persons assistance a little sexist?

[rachelmonday1]

This may seem a little confusing, but I'm a crossdresser and am perfectly happy doing the day to day things that people do, whether wearing male or female clothes. This morning though, I went into my local B&Q to buy some paint brushes, masking tape etc for a decorating project that we're about to start. I was comparing paint brushes, when a male assistant approached me saying something like "Are you ok there love? Do you know what you're looking for" I was slightly taken aback, not because I think that he assumed I was a woman, but more about the way he asked his questions. Are women not supposed to know anything about paint brushes, or is it me?

I don't like being called madam in shops, for some reason that does annoy me, it sounds false somehow.

Unless the person calling you 'love' means it in a patronizing way then surely it's just a means of address you, albeit a bit casual for some but harmless nonetheless.

I had cause to speak to someone in the savings department at my bank this week because I'd received a letter that indicated something that was misleading and I wanted an explanation. The man I spoke (sounded quite young) was patronizing in the extreme; I found his manner very offensive because his intention was to be patronizing and talk to me in a way that indicated he thought he was some how superior to me.

Someone in a shop offering me assistance and calling me 'love' in a friendly pleasant manner is fine by me. An arse of a man at my bank talking down to me, is not so fine. I can tell the difference, even though some poster seem to think a lot of women can't

Forget that - it's clearly the relative pronoun not the interrogative. I like it.
Sorry to derail.

I don't think OP has mastered the high feminine art of intoning "Piss off I'm fine on my own" while actually cheerily uttering the words "I'm fine, thanks."

Tend to master that early to ward off unwanted male attention. Must-have skill for everyone living as female.

Is it? Gosh- something else I've missed. I thought it was just the feminine version of "sir".

Apparently it's so awful one poster on here would be so insulted that she would walk out of a shop if it were used.

I don't like it at all because it's stuffy and old-fashioned IMO, but I don't think people who use it in shops mean it in any way as a reference to the word 'Madame' in the sense of a brothel-keeper!

It's ok Povertypain. I'm used to folk typing rude or offensive remarks, but I take comfort from the fact that, to date, I've never experienced the same from the general public. My only question on here was whether the implication that women needed advice on choosing a paint brush might have been a little sexist. I had no problem with being called "love" though and totally agree that the guy was just trying to help. Some fascinating responses though!

lljkk: I did actually say something to the effect of "No, I'm fine thanks", but with a smile and no real sarcasm, as I appreciated that he was only trying to be helpful. :)

I don't like being called madam in shops, for some reason that does annoy me, it sounds false somehow.

But how are they supposed to address you? 'Oi, you! If you break it, you pay for it!'

I did actually say something to the effect of "No, I'm fine thanks", but with a smile and no real sarcasm, as I appreciated that he was only trying to be helpful.

Welcome to my world.

At my school we called every female teacher Miss or Miss X, regardless of marital status, and every male teacher Sir or Mr X.

The exception was one teacher in the sixth form we called Dave to his face, even though I now realise he was barely 30. He liked it and we liked him. We knew to call him Mr X outside the classroom to preserve convention.

Another teacher encouraged us to call her Kate and to pour out all our teenage problems. It didn't happen for most of us. Even though we were children, most of us knew she was just gathering tittle-tattle for the staff room and couldn't give a toss.

Madam is horrible.

It's what my mum used to call me when I was being rude.

The reason why I put that 'barely 30' thing in was that he knew we affectionately called him Uncle Dave behind his back. When you're 16 someone of 31 seems ancient.

OP "My only question on here was whether the implication that women needed advice on choosing a paint brush might have been a little sexist. I had no problem with being called "love" though and totally agree that the guy was just trying to help."

I don't find it sexist to be asked this sort of thing.( I am female, if it makes a difference) I do need help with some aspects of diy, but on the whole I'm not perturbed when it comes to paintbrushes.

toldmywrath: As I've mentioned beofre, that's totally my point. I have no problem with being called "love" or any other term of endearment. My only question was regarding the way he phrased his offer of assistance as, in my opinion, it suggested that I knew little or nothing about paint brushes, which got me wondering whether he would have used the same phrasing if he knew I was a guy. Nothing more than that!

I agree that the phrasing is pretty awful, and would've annoyed me no end. I'm sure the person was just trying to do their job, and would'nt hold anything against him personally, but I would've quietly been thinking about how unaware they obviously are about how they treat women vs. men. Not in a terrible way, just in a "I wish people would think a bit more" kind of way.

I moved to a particular city in my twenties and loads of people called me 'love'. I'd never experienced it before. Unless it's done in a context of someone being rude or sarcastic, then I actually find it quite endearing and I've experienced it many times where the man involved is being polite to me.
The notion of Everyday sexism can quickly border on the ridiculous if you start looking for sexism everywhere

Another one who hates madam or ms. Dont mind love and in this situation think he was just doing his job.

itstimeforchange: That's the point I was trying to get across as I'm absolutely sure that he wouldn't have asked a man in the same way. I completely agree that his only intention was to be helpful, but maybe a little thought would be appreciated. I was actually a little angry, but then that was probably my male instinct, having another guy doubt my abilities, and was just curious to see what you women thought.

Tbh rachelmonday if one were being picky the last phrase of your last post could be seen as rather sexist by some: 'just curious to see what you women thought' does sound as if 'you women' are some sort of homogeneous lump that thinks the same thoughts and has but one opinion on any given subject.

But as I say, perhaps I'm being picky.

pigs good point there- I would not find it sexist, nor offensive to be asked the question mentioned in OP's post. That is my viewpoint, others are entitled to their own feelings/views.

rachel in that situation as a female (who grew up with 6 brothers and always having to show i was just as good as them) my personal reaction would've been indignation, and I would either be cross or just roll my eyes, depending on my mood at the time!

Well that's pretty much how I felt itstimeforchange, but just wasn't sure whether it was male reaction or surprise that he would unwittingly imply that (having seen a person in a skirt and assumed I was female) women don't know much about painting and paint brushes in the 21st century.

So only men with male instincts get a little angry when men doubt their abilities?
So it's really just a macho testosterone issue? It's ok for a man to doubt a woman's abilities, as obviously as a group women's abilities are inferior in those special painting/ diy areas? But if it's a blue on blue then that's not de rigeur as it's offending another member of the brotherhood?

This thread hasn't exactly moved on, has it?

It's mildly interesting that you can't work out of you're offended on the basis that another dude thought you were inferior (as a dude) or that he thought he you were inferior (because he thought fleetingly that you were a woman). But none of us can really answer that. In our unique perspective as women, there's not so much ambiguity. It's just 'did he mean to be so rude?' we can't even pretend to blame it on a testosterone soaked biggest balls battle. It's either unthinking sexism or deliberate.

Anyway, you've obviously been dressing for bloody years - how come you've never thought of this before? Most folk who dress deal with this sort of conundrum way earlier.

Are you really surprised that men can be sexist to women about diy in the 21st century? Or just practising feminine disingenuity? Most women will tell you the disingenuity isn't required in this instance - although we do sometimes employ it in a 'no one can be that stupid can they?' way in order to smoke out the real tossers.

Really, genuinely, you are struggling to believe that in the 21st century, women experience sexism in a day store?

Fuck me.

You need to get out more.