To find this persons assistance a little sexist?

[rachelmonday1]

This may seem a little confusing, but I'm a crossdresser and am perfectly happy doing the day to day things that people do, whether wearing male or female clothes. This morning though, I went into my local B&Q to buy some paint brushes, masking tape etc for a decorating project that we're about to start. I was comparing paint brushes, when a male assistant approached me saying something like "Are you ok there love? Do you know what you're looking for" I was slightly taken aback, not because I think that he assumed I was a woman, but more about the way he asked his questions. Are women not supposed to know anything about paint brushes, or is it me?

Owl, as a woman, I would not have said his remarks were intended to help though, I would have found his wording sexist. It's clear from the photo that the op is a man dressed as a woman, because he also describes himself as a cross dresser.

Simply put there is a lot more to human interaction than words.

Whilst it's impossible to know whether this assistant was being helpful or patronising without being there, I find posters being all about the question ludicrously obtuse, as though they think sexism and mansplaining doesn't happen any more, or that some women are always looking for offence.

" I'd suggest that life is much easier without being professionally offended and finding absofrigginglutely every damn thing "sexist"."

That may be your way of dealing with sexism but it's out of order to tell the OP not to worry about it. She needs to find her own way.

If it wasn't for feminists getting "professionally offended" then we'd still be without the vote, with a larger pay gap, and senior positions at work unavailable to us, with women barred from places like pubs (where the real business deals often used to happen) and with men feeling entitled to treat us like their property etc etc

We've come a long way in a short time. If you can't be arsed to notice sexism when it happens that's up to you, but unless we keep on fighting this stuff, we risk slipping backwards again, so please don't stop others who want to call people out on sexist attitudes on your behalf.

"It's clear from the photo that the op is a man dressed as a woman, "

It might not have been obvious in a shop where the OP was facing a shelf of DIY stuff and the sales assistant saw someone dressed as a woman, not necessarily facing him, he may well have not known the OP is trans.

Clearly, you are seeking out things to be offended by.

That's a fair point blinkowl, although the man who jump started the OP's car would obviously have interacted and spoken to him.

I'm not sure the OP has said he is trans though, unless I missed it (possible).

He was probably trying very hard to 'act natural' after realising that you were crossdressing and didn't really notice what he was saying. Maybe he even subconsciously ramped up the patronising, stereotypical 'how to talk to a woman in heels' in an attempt to be accepting of your presented role.

So quite possibly a cackhanded attempt to be nice.

No, I've just checked back and the OP hasn't said he is trans.

Are you a man dressed as a woman or vice versa? If you're a man in women's clothes, I don't know how to say this delicately, but I doubt it was in any way sexist when it's very obvious that a man is dressed in women's clothes.

The build of a man, the gait, physical features are so obvious. It is always clear that is a man.

I live in the NW and my ex was called love, by a female assistant. I've been called duck, which I find hilarious.

The op has admitted he dresses as male and female. I'd guess, even from the gorgeous photo that he is male. That's without him speaking, walking and general behaviour.

Sorry, that post is a bit ambiguous. He would have known you are a bloke, so I think he was being helpful rather than sexist and patronising towards women.

Why, Ego? He looks like what he says he is, a cross-dressing man. With some nice garden chairs.

Ego, I know some women who have deep voices and some men with high voices.

Never does anything go through my mind when they speak.

Well, the assistant was probably just trying to help, but yes 'we ladies' were often treated in this condescending manner, especially in a blokey environment such as a DIY store or a garage. I think it's got a bit better over the years, especially with younger staff.

Why have you quoted me ego ?

I hadn't even seen the OP had posted a photo when I wrote my post. Nevertheless my point still stands, have you ever mistaken a man dressed in women's clothes for a woman?

And Ego, how patronising that you would taint everyone with the same brush with regards such a thought. No pun intended.

user there is no need to be offensive now is there?
If someone wishes to identify as a woman or cross dress then it's up to them isnt it?
All you have to do is be polite as you would to anyone in the workplace.

Bert I despair at everyone constantly questioning everything anyone ever bloody says!!!

It's getting to the point where people won't actually communicate with each other just in case it's considered sexist, racist, ageist etc etc bloody etc!

Just be happy that people are trying to be nice, friendly and helpful! Jeez!

I couldn't give a flying fish if someone calls me love or asks if I know what I'm looking for or opens a door for me ........... it's way preferable to all the bloody hate in the world!

Jeez

Op hasn't actually claimed to identify as a woman. He says he sometimes dresses as a woman, sometimes as a man. And claims to be indistinguishable from whatever he's portraying himself as today, which is patently just wishful thinking on his part.