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AIBU?

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Original poster

To find this persons assistance a little sexist?

325 replies

rachelmonday1 · 17/06/2016 14:13

This may seem a little confusing, but I'm a crossdresser and am perfectly happy doing the day to day things that people do, whether wearing male or female clothes. This morning though, I went into my local B&Q to buy some paint brushes, masking tape etc for a decorating project that we're about to start. I was comparing paint brushes, when a male assistant approached me saying something like "Are you ok there love? Do you know what you're looking for" I was slightly taken aback, not because I think that he assumed I was a woman, but more about the way he asked his questions. Are women not supposed to know anything about paint brushes, or is it me?

OP posts:
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5
oldlaundbooth · 17/06/2016 15:23

Hilarious.

I used to work in B&Q.

Only the men were allowed to assist with putting grow bags, pea-meal, heavy stuff etc into people's cars. We had to announce ' A male to check out 2, please' to get them to come over and help!

Abinob · 17/06/2016 15:27

We live right opposite an Islam prayer place (not a mosque, I don't know what it's called but it's just a building for praying in, the mosque is the other side of the road) so occasionally there's outbursts of "LOTS OF MOHAMED! " and I want to disappear into a hole

MariaSklodowska · 17/06/2016 15:27

well I can understand why B and Q have that policy...

Original poster
rachelmonday1 · 17/06/2016 15:27

No limitedperiodonly. It was more like this!

To find this persons assistance a little sexist?
OP posts:
lissage · 17/06/2016 15:28

The 'love' thing is unfortunate because where I come from, everyone calls it everyone else. I moved away years ago but when I go home I notice it and find it rather endearing. Even find myself saying it, but only when I'm back there. Blush

The staff at B&Q are probably trained to approach customers to offer help (although don't appear to be at my local branch).
I've been asked at Waitrose if I know what I'm looking for. Confused

Abinob · 17/06/2016 15:28

Fuck my life wrong thread Blush
not as bad as it sounds. Blame the 2 year old and his inability to understand name.

AppleSetsSail · 17/06/2016 15:29

Poor guy. He was doing his job, and well!

I go to B&Q almost exclusively with my husband. If it's a quiet weekday, inevitably some nice salesperson asks if we've found what we're looking for.

SheHasAWildHeart · 17/06/2016 15:30

I've done a huge DIY renovation to my property and the staff at B&Q and the DIY stores couldn't have been more helpful. The local builders yard is always full of men and nearly every time I went there I was the only woman, but they never patronised me. You are just being sensitive.

What are you on abot Abinob?

Elendon · 17/06/2016 15:30

Gosh the op is worried about whether a perfectly polite male diy shop assistant was sexist because he presumed that saying what he said was sexist.

This thread is funny.

I've been down to my local diy store (Homebase, because there are other diy stores) to get paint, brushes, door handles, a new flush system for the toilet, new toilet taps, and new covering for shed roof. No one asked me if I needed help. But when I did ask for help, it was given readily.

And no, I didn't go down dressed as a man either. Perhaps he thought you looked suspicious and was just checking you out. Oh and the more men who wear women's clothes the better.

WorraLiberty · 17/06/2016 15:32

OP, do people actually think you are female then, rather than a cross dressing man?

Abinob · 17/06/2016 15:32

Shehasawildheart- I posted in the wrong thread. Was a thread about ds calling everyone indian Mohamed and all bald people grandad etc and how it's embarassing, it makes sense in context honest.
Blush

smellylittleorange · 17/06/2016 15:33

Sorry Rachelmonday have to ask - is that you and are those your garden chairs and if so did you paint them yourself? - sorry to derail !!

Original poster
rachelmonday1 · 17/06/2016 15:33

I'm very lucky WorraLiberty, in that when I choose to wear dresses, skirts etc, I do get taken for a female. Not to would no doubt cause a lot of pain and arguments! When I dress in my regular jeans and t-shirts, I'm just a regular guy and no-one would suspect anything else.

OP posts:
Elendon · 17/06/2016 15:34

But Rachel that picture of you is not cross dressing. You have added a wig and makeup to make yourself look like a woman. Not all women have long hair and or wear makeup.

SheHasAWildHeart · 17/06/2016 15:35

Just need the other thread Abinob :)

SheHasAWildHeart · 17/06/2016 15:37

*read

Original poster
rachelmonday1 · 17/06/2016 15:37

Yes on both counts smellylittleorange. They're cedar and went very grey with age (don't we all?) so I dismantled them and painted them with outdoor paint. Look fab!!

OP posts:
BettyDraper1 · 17/06/2016 15:38

I wouldn't mind that. In fact, it wouldn't even register with me because it's just an everyday occurrence.

Original poster
rachelmonday1 · 17/06/2016 15:39

OK, well maybe that's my interpretation of the word Elendon.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/06/2016 15:39

I'm very lucky WorraLiberty, in that when I choose to wear dresses, skirts etc, I do get taken for a female. Not to would no doubt cause a lot of pain and arguments! When I dress in my regular jeans and t-shirts, I'm just a regular guy and no-one would suspect anything else.

I'm sorry but I don't get it then.

I mean I don't get why the guy who jump started your car, didn't realise you were a cross dressing man?

Don't get me wrong, you look gorgeous in that photo, but you don't look like a woman to me, and once you'd spoken to him, I would assume he'd also tell by your voice that you're not a woman.

I mean, some men do look very feminine when dressed in male clothing and they can sound very feminine too, but as you've said you don't, it's a bit confusing.

MitzyLeFrouf · 17/06/2016 15:40

Oh yes, I do like what you've down with the garden chairs.

MariaSklodowska · 17/06/2016 15:41

yes I like your garden chairs a lot.

Original poster
rachelmonday1 · 17/06/2016 15:44

That's all a whole new thread WorraLiberty and my point was summarised very well by myownprivateidahol on the previous page :)

OP posts:
smellylittleorange · 17/06/2016 15:46

Yeah they do - the finish is really good brush or roller lol?

Just to add I can't think of any occasion when my husband has been asked in a DIY shop "Do you know what you are looking for?" which I think is the key phrase not "can I help?" which is entirely different imo.

blinkowl · 17/06/2016 15:46

rachelmonday1 if he saw you as a woman, then was probably patronising because the "do you know what you are looking for" comment is not the same as "can I help you" as it implies you're clueless about DIY. It's only not sexist if that sales assistant says the same thing to men, and he probably doesn't, but doesn't even realise he's being sexist.

Also, the "love" at the end is patronising from a man to a woman in that situation - even if some people here are so used to it they can't see it!

There is another interpretation however. Perhaps he did notice that yo're trans and said "love" to reaffirm your status as a woman. Perhaps he was trying to be nice to you? It's possible. The context is all.

But in general, women get patronised - and harassed - by men. It's so normal we often don't even bother to mention it (although that's not to say you shouldn't! It should be spoken about.)

Please go back in your men's clothes and seek out the same assistant, it's a mumsnet scientific experiment, I'd love to know the answer!