To find this persons assistance a little sexist?

[rachelmonday1]

This may seem a little confusing, but I'm a crossdresser and am perfectly happy doing the day to day things that people do, whether wearing male or female clothes. This morning though, I went into my local B&Q to buy some paint brushes, masking tape etc for a decorating project that we're about to start. I was comparing paint brushes, when a male assistant approached me saying something like "Are you ok there love? Do you know what you're looking for" I was slightly taken aback, not because I think that he assumed I was a woman, but more about the way he asked his questions. Are women not supposed to know anything about paint brushes, or is it me?

Sorry I meant to say - and see if the assistant treats you any differently.

Sorry, Rachel, but you look like a man who dresses up as a perceived female look.

Not that it doesn't look good, go for it!

what blinkowl said so much more eloquently than me !

Thanks Smellylittleorange. I used a pure bristle brush and used a primer, 2 undercoats and 2 gloss coats. You're spot on with the guys question too. I think it was just the way he asked and there was nothing but help intended.

oh men always make much better women than real women do..

I agree blinkowl, in that I'll never really look like a woman, but I look enough like one to not encounter difficulties when wearing clothing that feels comfortable for me at the time. Your point about how the assistant would treat me when I'm dressed in regular male clothes is also well made, which is exactly the reason for my post: I think women DO get treated differently to men and this guy just chose his question poorly.

This really is confusing. Why is it sexist if there was nothing but 'help intended' in his remarks?

And let's not forget that pre sanding weathered outdoor seats is key and fundamental to a good paint finish.

I work in a department dealing with technical issues.

I had a chap on the phone the other day who told me he wanted to speak to a man as women didn't really understand these things.........after I'd got my breath back I explained to him that all the male staff currently on shift had been trained - by me !!

Mind you women do themselves no favours -I get them telling me that as they are women they really don't understand these technical things

I was simply seeking womens views on whether they might percieve it as sexist and I agree that he was only ever trying to be helpful.

Sanding was, of course, the first step :)

did you pre-sand Rachel?

oops sorry.
did you use a primer?

I got asked in new look by a lady today in new look if I know what I'm looking for. I don't think it was sexist or patronising. I think she was doing her job.

Op there are some things you may not wish to adopt for your female personal. I'd suggest that life is much easier without being professionally offended and finding absofrigginglutely every damn thing "sexist". Honestly how do people get through the day being permanently outraged?!

PC World is always fun though - I usually get a teenager who is quite condesending - (and often just plain wrong) in explaining a piece of technology........ I usually let them dig a hole for a couple of minutes before asking questions that usually show my knowledge ilevel s way above theirs. One had the nerve to compliment me on my knowledge as "an older woman" GRRR

Anyone who believes we aren't a sexist society anymore is nuts :)

Yes, MariaSklodwska. 1 coat of primer, 2 undercoat and 2 gloss. I did them at the beginning of Summer two years ago and they've weathered really well.

"This really is confusing. Why is it sexist if there was nothing but 'help intended' in his remarks?"

If someone assumes that a woman needs help because she probably doesn't know what she's doing (e.g. doesn't know what she's looking for) whereas a man needs help to find what he needs (he knows what he's doing, just can't find the thing) then that's sexist because it's making assumptions based on gender, and on the idea that men are good at DIY and women are not.

It doesn't matter that the guy only intended to help. It matters that he was making assumptions about people's abilities based on their gender, even if he doesn't realise he was doing it or had nothing but good intentions.

Seriously they look lovely. I can see why you might need to spend a lot of time in B and Q.

They always ask in New Look if you found everything you were looking for, at the till. It makes me want to burst out with a bit of U2.

Though I do wonder what they'd do if I launched into how I'd really been after some nice cropped trousers, that were flattering and light-weight, and would go well with a new top I've just splashed out on, but I couldn't find any that felt just right - and I'm so glad they've asked, do they have anything like that at all?

And as for 'are you just doing a bit of shopping then?'..... grr.

That's all a whole new thread WorraLiberty and my point was summarised very well by myownprivateidahol on the previous page

No, I think it's very relevant to this thread because you're asking if YABU to find the assistance sexist.

I think given it's fairly obvious that you're a man, it's not sexist and as I said earlier, my DH is often asked if he needs assistance...as are most customers.

But I'm neither "professionally offended" nor "permanently outraged" FlyingElbows! Read the thread!! :)

This is now reminding me of a thread where someone insisted that it was perfectly normal in the North for men to call one another 'love', and not at all sexist, therefore, when men called women it. That was tortuous.

Perhaps he should have directed you to the step ladders so you could get over yourself.

I work for b&q and we are told we must approach every customer and ask if they need any help. I often say are you alright? Do you know what you're after? I say it to men and women and more than half our customers don't have a clue what they want. I wouldn't be bothered tbh. He probably just was being friendly.

It is so odd that just saying that you would prefer not to be addressed in a sexist manner means it's OK for people to be rude to you! I did warn you, OP!