AIBU to be annoyed by MIL gift

[Halle71]

I will precede this post by admitting that I am a bit OCD about our house after a 1.5 refurb, and my MIL and I have not always got on but we are ok now although my DH is a bit twitchy about us.

It's my DD's 7th birthday on Sunday and various packages have been arriving from Amazon for her from my MIL who lives in NZ. Today my DH told me that the main package is due today - a keyboard.
That's cool I think. Until he shows me the link. It's almost a metre wide with its own stool. Her room is in the loft with no free wall - bed, full length wardrobe, juliette balcony and chest of drawers so it would have to go somewhere else. Our house is big by London standards but not huge and we don't really have any spare place for it to go. Don't get me wrong, the new kitchen diner where we spend most of our time, is filled with toys, but they are tidied up at night and again, there is nowhere it can go neatly against a wall (I also think that these keyboards are ugly and she will get bored and it will just gather dust). The other packages are learning tools for it so she is expected to learn to play it properly. I told my DH that I'm not helping (we can barely fit homework and swimming lessons in the time we have available) and he said she can teach herself. If it was that easy piano teachers would be redundant!
It will also be the cause of endless arguments with her and my 3 year old DS yawn...
It sound overly dramatic but it is a present that will just make my life harder.

I'm pissed off that she didn't talk to us - I would have suggested a smaller, cheaper 'starter' keyboard that she could use at the dining table or office desk.
She also has 'form' for this - the trampoline that arrived unannounced for her 4th birthday when we were in our old house with its 15' garden - all 10' if it. Sat in our hall for 2 weeks waiting for Amazon to pick up. Oh, and they had been to our house so not like they were thinking NZ gardens.. And as for the crazy battery toy animals she insists on buying - we spent £11 on batteries for the bloody dog last week!
I get that she wants to give surprises but when it's something with practical implications I think it would be polite to check. My mum wouldn't dare do this

Thanks for all the people who have been supportive and to the inspiring musical people.

They are visiting in August so I will keep it around until then, but without stand and stool to make a point. DH needs to have a word before DS birthday in December.

Every time I write I remember a new gift - the 3 year old's Furby he calls 'owl' and is basically used as an occasionally talking soft toy. My (real) pearls when I am 80% Gap and Converse. Hell, she doesn't even wear pearls, she's actually quite edgy.

I know I might sound ungrateful but I try and live 'efficiently' - time, money, err space.
Expensive, unwanted presents go against my frugal, northern upbringing

I am, however, quite interested in the robotic ball now I've looked at it online and will try and find it in the loft. Bet it won't work with new phones though!

Ooooh, robotic? Do look it up.

Where are they staying? If it's at your home, I'd take out all the bulky stuff and make a point that you have absolutely no space. Put them all in the room they stay in. It might just work.

I wonder if she's like my mother. The last time we went present shopping together, she wanted go by SIL something different from what she usually wore and that my mother thought would suit her. Not what we know she likes.
I can see your MIL going: oh, I know, she doesn't have pearls, so I'll give her some. But you never know, you might need them for a future tea with the Queen.

With you OP on the large gifts. When my niece was born my father bought her an enormous teddy bear 4 feet high with a lap big enough for a grown woman to sit in (I know because I tried). My sister lived in a tiny two up two down cottage in Cornwall (also a shithole before anyone breathes stealthbrag at me) and she was literally bathing my niece in a bucket. It was typical him, it was more about being competitive and doing this huge gesture, literally filling the space with his arrogant self. My sister couldn't have a standard sized sofa, the place was that small, and she was stepping around this fucken thing to do anything at all. If she tried to explain the inappropriateness of it, she was labelled "what a bitch" by the unenlightened. I thought it was a bunch of selfish crap on my father's part. It was weird reading your post, because he also bought niece, now 12 an unwanted keyboard later on. Take the back off, carefully disconnect a wire which can be later put back unharmed, screw on the back. Stand around scratching heads and even get someone (her) to replace the fuse and what do you know, the fuquer still doesn't work, well it hasn't really since you saw a blue spark coming out of it or whatever, but you know....

If it is a keyboard then don't take her to piano lessons. They have a completely different feel to it. I started learning piano at the age of 40 after my OH bought me a keyboard for Christmas and ended up having to change it to a clavinova which has moved around our house and I still enjoy playing it 15 years later. My daughter used the keyboard and had lessons in school.

Let your daughter play around with it for 6 months. Usually the stand folds and the keyboard can just be stored easily under a bed. If it is not used sell or gift it in 6 months. They are quite easy to use once set up and it might really interest your DD. I wish I had been given one as a child as it is much harder to learn as an adult.

That ball thing is a very random gift

I think it will definitely fit in the spare room and daily practice is required at 8.30am for the month of August....

If your DD isn't remotely interested in learning to play the keyboard, then your MIL has just wasted a lot of money. I wouldn't force her to have lessons if she doesn't want to.

I think MIL is being a bit unreasonable. No one should buy large presents without checking with the parents IMHO. However, I can see why your MIL is doing it though. I live in NZ and all family are in the UK and they all but presents to compensate for time they can't have with the DC. Keep the thing until they've been to visit at least and make sure you discuss large present issues with MIL while she is with you.

It will definitely be in their room in August :-)

My DD, like most 7 years olds, is very reasonable in her requests (only asked for walkie talkies and a real silver locket with her name in it), so would have been happy with a token gift this week. If they wanted to buy her more they could have taken her out to buy something, or at least discussed it with her when they are here - enjoyable for both parties.

It's definitely a first world problem, but an irksome one.

My MIL likes to fill my house with shit as well

Wow!
And since when has a keyboard been a shit present!

No wonder some grandparents can't win!

Give it away free on Mumsnet?

I know what you mean. Unwanted insignificant crap that will just gather dust and create more cleaning and less storage. It's ridiculous.

Ask your kids what they want to do though. Keep it or sell it and use the funds for something they actually want.

You're so so very lucky your MIL loves abroad. What would I give.........

Wow! And since when has a keyboard been a shit present! No wonder some grandparents can't win!

Whathaveilost, have you read the thread?

It's a shit present, not a shit item.

As a gift it isn't suitable for the recipient.

Whathaveilost
To some it would be an awesome present.
Her 8 year old cousin for one.
To some the trampoline would have been an awesome present. But unusable to us.

If you haven't read the thread here is a synopsis:

1. MIL history of expensive and unsuitable gifts
2. Latest gift too large for our space
3. There are things DD actually wants
4. Gift likely requires significant parental involvement whether helping learn to use it or breaking up fights. And I can't believe people don't think this is significant - he wants to do EVERYTHING she does at the same time she does and no amount of diversion will stop the little bugger. Even cake.

If by not a 'shit present' you mean it's expensive, well, yes it is. But well thought out present, I don't believe it is.

Coming from a household where my MIL and FIL are on a different continent as well (AND speak a not very common language, you have no such excuse), mine don't get to see their DGC very often, so they try to make up for it with ridiculous gifts that don't fit in our space. However, I try to be understanding about why they do that. I rarely succeed mind, but focus my annoyance on my DH, who does speak the same language as his parents. Plus, it doesn't kill me to find somewhere to squeeze the gifts while they aren't being used. I've found actually attempting to speak more frequently with my MIL about gifts and other things, and you know, encouraging conversation has actually reaped tangible gift benefits because she knows wtf we actually need and want instead of her going out on a limb. Conversation is a two way street, so start one.

Both of us work and we managed to fit in music lessons for our son, neither of us are musical (three instruments in fact). Just wanted him to have opportunities we did not have, we helped him practice as much as we could, rest was down to him. I wish my MIL/FIL would buy my son presents albeit small/large. I think you should accept the gift for what it is (a nice gesture, grandparents spoiling their grandchildren) and perhaps in years to come will be grateful as you DD excels in music. If she hadn't sent a thing, I am sure you would have been upset.

My DMum did exactly the same, determinedly bought DD a keyboard despite us not having house room for it.
I bought a keyboard bag off ebay and now it loves under her bed, coming out during the holidays or in the led up to Christmas (the joys of Jingle Bells). In fact it could love under any of our beds, or even leaning up tucked behind DD's bedroom door.
I was very relieved that it hasn't been a big issue.

I am on your side OP. I think the best you can do it put it up in DD's room in the middle of the bloody floor and keep all the packaging and paperwork. Then when it gathers dust flog it on ebay, you will get a better price with all the original packaging .

The sphero thing looks really cool - if might be retro by now you know, and worth loads on eBay. We have the BB8 and it's great fun. We are all geeks though.

My kids have keyboard which is one octave short but the keys depress like a normal piano. If you think she might be interested in playing, you could swap it for a slightly shorter one. The bits may all fold up OK.

My kids had (paid for) lesson at state primary. This means none of your precious time. But, as you say, roughly £10 a lesson. Maybe you could swap it for a guitar and just be straight up with MIL when she comes in August?

"Sorry she just wasn't interested but we loved the idea of music and we know she'd enjoyed the guitar before". Guitars are a lot smaller!

If she does like it, and you do lessons, it's just five mins a day at that age. But I agree she's too young unless very musical. My older child started at 7 because the teacher had spaces and he seemed keen. Rubbish. Older child started at 9 and enjoys it so much more, and finds short daily practice no problem.

I wonder how many of you having a go at the OP have babies or 3 year olds?

I detect a note of small-child-panic in the OP's tone. When you have an active three year old and a job and are trying to do your best, people FOISTING JOBS on you can really push you over the edge.

When my dd1 started reception my dd2 was two and a half. I was working full time with a commute and we had just moved house. The endless piddling stream of demands from the school to make this and bring that and sign up for the other reduced me at times to tears. Older, tougher, more cynical, and with two continent competent articulate children who sleep all night most nights, I just laugh.

*Whathaveilost, have you read the thread?8

yes

I'm a professional musician and find your attitude to your daughter having music lessons pretty depressing. I can see that the trampoline was thoughtless but not this.
DS is nearly 6 and having piano lessons (both with me and another teacher) and manages to practise. My DD had just turned 3 and is very interested but we let her have a play afterwards. She is no more uncontrollable over this than anything else.
I guess it all depends on your priorities though - we have a baby grand in a fairly small living room so I suspect my DH would probably feel your pain!

Music lessons are a huge commitment- time and financially. I can quite understand if the OP doesn't want to get into that . Saying that, ds learns loads from YouTube both piano and guitar. A keyboard is a nice thing to have around IMO.

It would irritate me too. Not really because of the actual practicalities of it (it can go in a cupboard when it stops getting used, which will be probably be fairly soon). What would annoy me is that taking on a musical instrument is big commitment to make without consulting the child's parents or the child for that matter. It's the kid of present a parent buys in my opinion and your MIL buying it has undermined you as a parent (not that that's necessarily her intention, but that's how I'd feel).
To be honest I'd just let DH deal with it. Just explain that it can be a toy that daddy helps with and it gets played with when daddy's at home. Ask your DH for help as you've doing so much already. I bet DH has it in a cupboard pretty quickly.
I also totally get the arguments it'll cause between both children.

I heard. 14 year old say recently that she taught herself keyboard off utube so could try that. Also friends have keyboard set up in the hall. It is a widish Hall so maybe no help. Your 3 year old will grow out of that phase soon or he may be the one who takes to music.

My MIL bought my daughter a fake barbie from the pound shop and some sweets from the same shop that had a health warning. She's not skint either. I'd love this for my LG! Hope you find room.