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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed by MIL gift

214 replies

Halle71 · 16/06/2016 09:43

I will precede this post by admitting that I am a bit OCD about our house after a 1.5 refurb, and my MIL and I have not always got on but we are ok now although my DH is a bit twitchy about us.

It's my DD's 7th birthday on Sunday and various packages have been arriving from Amazon for her from my MIL who lives in NZ. Today my DH told me that the main package is due today - a keyboard.
That's cool I think. Until he shows me the link. It's almost a metre wide with its own stool. Her room is in the loft with no free wall - bed, full length wardrobe, juliette balcony and chest of drawers so it would have to go somewhere else. Our house is big by London standards but not huge and we don't really have any spare place for it to go. Don't get me wrong, the new kitchen diner where we spend most of our time, is filled with toys, but they are tidied up at night and again, there is nowhere it can go neatly against a wall (I also think that these keyboards are ugly and she will get bored and it will just gather dust). The other packages are learning tools for it so she is expected to learn to play it properly. I told my DH that I'm not helping (we can barely fit homework and swimming lessons in the time we have available) and he said she can teach herself. If it was that easy piano teachers would be redundant!
It will also be the cause of endless arguments with her and my 3 year old DS yawn...
It sound overly dramatic but it is a present that will just make my life harder.

I'm pissed off that she didn't talk to us - I would have suggested a smaller, cheaper 'starter' keyboard that she could use at the dining table or office desk.
She also has 'form' for this - the trampoline that arrived unannounced for her 4th birthday when we were in our old house with its 15' garden - all 10' if it. Sat in our hall for 2 weeks waiting for Amazon to pick up. Oh, and they had been to our house so not like they were thinking NZ gardens.. And as for the crazy battery toy animals she insists on buying - we spent £11 on batteries for the bloody dog last week!
I get that she wants to give surprises but when it's something with practical implications I think it would be polite to check. My mum wouldn't dare do this

OP posts:

pinkladyapple · 16/06/2016 10:10

I played the keyboard when I was younger (I had lessons) and they're really not that hard to store. You don't need to leave it out all the time and if it comes with a stand then you can just take it out when you need to.

At one point mine was kept under my bed and I would just take it out and place it on my stand and sit on the bed to play it 2 or 3 times a week.

Arfarfanarf · 16/06/2016 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkladyapple · 16/06/2016 10:11

Although I do agree - a big present like that, should be discussed with the parents first. Especially if it has long-term implications - buying a child a musical instrument for example... music lessons aren't cheap.

HopeArden · 16/06/2016 10:13

And it's all very well saying that she can get her dd piano lessons but this makes it a present that will involve an ongoing financial commitment for the OP. She might be happy with that but the person buying the 'gift' should check first.

The OP now has to make the choice to put up with it and feel resentful or cause a row by sending it back.

2rebecca · 16/06/2016 10:13

I think it's a shame she didn't discuss her choice of gift with you but think a keyboard is a great idea. Why do you think it has to go against a wall? You can put them up anywhere in a room and many then fold down for storage when not used.
I would have loved a piano when younger and my dad was keen to get one but my mum had the "it must go against a wall" fixation as well so wouldn't get one.
We now have 2 pianos one of them electronic. The full sized electronic one is not against a wall. My husband is the piano player though.
Forget about the wall thing. It will be fun for her, and maybe you.

rogueantimatter · 16/06/2016 10:13

OP didn't mention the cost of the refurb - she meant to say it took 1.5 years.

Tricky - it's all very well for other people to tell you it isn't a problem, but lack of space is a problem. However the keyboard can be stood on its end in a corner when it's not in use and treated like a toy. Your DC can have loads of fun with the sound effects, demo stuff etc without having lessons. It's not a substitute for a piano - they're much more different than lots of people realise.

HopeArden · 16/06/2016 10:14

X posted with pink

Original poster

Halle71 · 16/06/2016 10:14

Sorry if I offended anyone taking about our home, less offensive to turn it round say we live in an average home that is large by the crazy standards in one city in the country.
Juliet balcony does sound wanky but if it was a regular window it would have been the perfect spot for it.

Re stealth boasting - interesting term but surely boasting doesn't work when you don't know someone from Adam? I don't give a shit what someone posting on a forum has or doesn't have.

OP posts:

rogueantimatter · 16/06/2016 10:17

OP do you feel any happier about it not having to involve lessons or being out on a stand all the time?

gamerchick · 16/06/2016 10:18

That isn't a big present, it doesn't have to be placed neatly against a wall. It can be stored on its end in its box and used on the table or a tinkle on her bed. You're making an issue of nothing.

However I can see why you're poised to be annoyed given the past but keyboards are pretty portable and may not hold her attention for long anyway.

Pick you battles man.

EssentialHummus · 16/06/2016 10:19

Has your DD actually expressed an interest in learning to play the keyboard?

If it's just MIL deciding that learning to play would be a good idea ("The other packages are learning tools for it so she is expected to learn to play it properly") it is a truly shit present - expensive, unwanted, space-taking, and noisy.

It's a bit like buying an adult an unwanted sewing machine or camping equipment and saying, off you go, get on with it.

Original poster

Halle71 · 16/06/2016 10:20

Rogue - yes and no.
I would like it to go somewhere she can just nip on and off (as long as it's neat ) as I do like my kids to use stuff and suspect if it's put away it will get forgotten.

OP posts:

Original poster

Halle71 · 16/06/2016 10:21

EssentialHummus - not at all, her older cousin in NZ wanted one....

OP posts:

KaosReigns · 16/06/2016 10:21

YANBU it's inconsiderate to buy a large noisy gift without discussing it first.

DP once asked me why we were buying crayons and not paint for my friends 3 year old, and was promptly educated by myself and 2 lovely old ladies in the queue with us about having consideration for the parents when buying a child's present.

Darling nieces birthday this year I asked for suggestions and DB was hopeless so I said "ok, we'll get her some drums" then we all laughed because it was obviously a joke, who could be crazy enough to buy someone else's child a musical instrument. It's just plain cruel.

EarthboundMisfit · 16/06/2016 10:25

My first

TeaAndCake · 16/06/2016 10:25

Jesus.
First world problem.
Get a fucking grip.

ClownsToTheLeftOfMe · 16/06/2016 10:26

I'm sort of with you in this OP. Remembering the Christmas my parents presented dd with a humungous dolls house we had no inkling about. We had absolutely no-where to keep it in our small house and dm certainly didn't want it at hers. It was a complete headache.

But having said that, I think with young children you do have to expect a certain level of toy and gift chaos for a period of time. Although the dolls house was a pain, I just can't get to a point where I'm micromanaging presents people give. So to a certain extent I found it easier to go with the flow.

I often see threads where people are upset by presents that have been given, usually complaining about 'plastic tat'. Annoying though that may be, I do think it's more important to realise that gifts given by someone who loves the child and only means well are not given to wind anyone up intentionally and that you could do more hurt than good by rejecting it or saying something regrettable.

2rebecca · 16/06/2016 10:26

You can wear headphones with a keyboard.

FuckingMother · 16/06/2016 10:27

Are you having treatment for your OCD? You don't want it to cause you on-going misery, it can be hard to deal with.

Fiona80 · 16/06/2016 10:27

I wish my MIL would send my kids presents as she lives abroad.

Yours oes to the trouble of ordering and getting the presents delivered, try and appreciate it a bit more.

StatisticallyChallenged · 16/06/2016 10:28

I bet if op hadn't described the house she'd have had 95 posts suggesting she put it in the living room or dining room and then be accuses of drip feeding when she said there was no room.

rogueantimatter · 16/06/2016 10:28

If it's any consolation, I am sitting in our 'dining' room between my piano, my student daughter's electric piano which is here for the summer and two piano stools. Her violin is wedged between the wall and a bookcase, beside a stool we got for a wedding present on which rests a banjo with no strings which none of us can play anyway. On the other side of the electric piano there's my son's double bass! And DH's (1.5m) keyboard is now on its end in the sitting room displaced by the flippin electric piano. Honestly, I'm not making this up.

DS bedroom is a tangle of cables, amps and three bass guitars - if you play the double bass it's really easy to learn basic bass guitar . Oh and there's a ukulele on his table.

Do not let your DD have lessons - she might turn out to be musically talented and then you'll really be in trouble.

Pinkheart5915 · 16/06/2016 10:29

So your mil brought a keyboard and you don't like it because you've just had a 1.5 refurb, have you actually heard yourself?

You know you don't have to hate everything your mil buys don't you?

EssentialHummus · 16/06/2016 10:29

not at all, her older cousin in NZ wanted one....

In that case, and assuming MIL doesn't visit too often, I suggest you keep the original packaging and wait for the moment - two months down the line? - where the lot can go on eBay or be given to a charity shop.

Sorry if it sounds cruel/dismissive, but who the hell thinks it's a good idea to chuck someone a keyboard and learning materials unsolicited?

Vixxfacee · 16/06/2016 10:30

Try harder.

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