AIBU to be annoyed by MIL gift

[Halle71]

I will precede this post by admitting that I am a bit OCD about our house after a 1.5 refurb, and my MIL and I have not always got on but we are ok now although my DH is a bit twitchy about us.

It's my DD's 7th birthday on Sunday and various packages have been arriving from Amazon for her from my MIL who lives in NZ. Today my DH told me that the main package is due today - a keyboard.
That's cool I think. Until he shows me the link. It's almost a metre wide with its own stool. Her room is in the loft with no free wall - bed, full length wardrobe, juliette balcony and chest of drawers so it would have to go somewhere else. Our house is big by London standards but not huge and we don't really have any spare place for it to go. Don't get me wrong, the new kitchen diner where we spend most of our time, is filled with toys, but they are tidied up at night and again, there is nowhere it can go neatly against a wall (I also think that these keyboards are ugly and she will get bored and it will just gather dust). The other packages are learning tools for it so she is expected to learn to play it properly. I told my DH that I'm not helping (we can barely fit homework and swimming lessons in the time we have available) and he said she can teach herself. If it was that easy piano teachers would be redundant!
It will also be the cause of endless arguments with her and my 3 year old DS yawn...
It sound overly dramatic but it is a present that will just make my life harder.

I'm pissed off that she didn't talk to us - I would have suggested a smaller, cheaper 'starter' keyboard that she could use at the dining table or office desk.
She also has 'form' for this - the trampoline that arrived unannounced for her 4th birthday when we were in our old house with its 15' garden - all 10' if it. Sat in our hall for 2 weeks waiting for Amazon to pick up. Oh, and they had been to our house so not like they were thinking NZ gardens.. And as for the crazy battery toy animals she insists on buying - we spent £11 on batteries for the bloody dog last week!
I get that she wants to give surprises but when it's something with practical implications I think it would be polite to check. My mum wouldn't dare do this

So it's up for a few weeks in DD's bedroom -she either loves it -and you consider lessons (not sure why lessons have to start THIS week) or it's a flash in the pan and after a few weeks it isn't touched so it gets put back it its packaging and consigned to the shed or loft "until she's older" (or the next charity shop run).

MIL is thousands of miles away. If she was local and was popping around every week expecting to see DD using it then that might not be quite so simple !!

I'd hate to see your response if anything really unpleasant ever happens to you

If something really unpleasant happened I wouldn't be posting on this forum.

DD has never shown any interest in playing the keyboard and the gift was never discussed with us.

I agree that it would have been nice if you were consulted on the purchase, however don't let the lack of time deter you. My dc have lessons during the school day. The teacher takes them out from a different lesson each week. She generally recommends that they should be able to read well so maybe in a year or two. Admittedly they have piano lessons, we have a clavinova at home but it does have weighted keys. It might be possible to get a keyboard teacher in to the school, or the piano teacher might be willing to take her initially with a keyboard. It is worth asking at school, piano lessons have the least impact on our week (other than practise but that can be fitted in in a free 20mins).

Re 'OCD' I was about to write anal but thought it was too rude. Better way of describing me though and wouldn't make light of the actual mental illness.

I'm confused, do you have OCD? Using "I'm a bit OCD" if you don't is pretty insulting to people who actually do have something that can totally wreck their lives. You'd favs been on far nicer ground by saying you were "anal" or particular about the house.

Tell us how big your house and potential room is. I'm sure mn will find some room for you.

What a fabulous gift. I'll admit my perspective is different from yours as we are a pretty musical family, with dh's and my old band keyboard from 20y ago in our living room next to the piano and dc encouraged to play both, but even if she doesn't end up having lessons it will be there for your dc to explore and mess around on (my dc1 stopped having lessons in favour of the trumpet a couple of years ago, but still plays stuff by ear now and again) and maybe be interested in learning eventually.

It is also money re lessons - we pay for swimming and French lessons and we are about to start climbing lesson at her request. We can't afford 4 X lessons for both kids.

I agree that large presents are best discussed in advance, but a keyboard is a really cool present and if you can find space to stand it up on on end against a wall, or under a bed, it doesn't have to take over a room.

On the other hand, most kids of 7 are not going to work their way through teaching materials, even with parental help. A very musical child might be able to pick out simple tunes at that age (which is probably a better way to learn). For most kids, 7 is a bit young for instrument lessons, unless they're very very keen and willing to practise. And even then, it's better if they choose the instrument themselves.

But if you can solve the problem of where to put it, both kids will probably enjoy playing around on it from time to time. As someone said upthread, pick your battles.

Yabu. Your dd will probably love it. Don't bother with the stand just let ber play with it on the floor and put it up on a wardrobe when she's not when you've had enough of the noise

It's not just the fact of storage, but that MIL clearly expects your DD to learn to play the instrument which feels like a real imposition and I'm surprised that so few people are supportive here.

I'm a music lover but the following repercussions are obvious:

1. You have to pay for piano lessons once a week - at the cheapest estimate that's £10 a week, so an extra £500 a year.
2. You have to take DD to piano lessons each week - find 2 hours in your schedule to get her there and back
3. You have to encourage practice, which at this age essentially requires you to sit with her and do the practice together.
4. Listening to someone learn to play an instrument can be really painful difficult

All in all, it's really not the most considerate gift to get someone, even if they lived in a mansion with plenty of space and spare walls.

Perhaps you could get your own back on your MIL by insisting she sits through endless Skype sessions of your DD playing beginner tunes at a time that's convenient for you.
Do this^ Not that it will make any difference, I bet GM will suddenly have to go after GM has finished talking the keyboard is switched on and the attention is no longer on GM. The irony will be completely lost on MIL! Thank fuck she's the other side of the world or this type of thing would happen more.
My DS's get what their cousin wants as well, this year was all Star wars themed, my boys aren't into star wars, cousin likes Batman, my boys like Spiderman, but always get Batman stuff

I was brought up that things like this (potential significant new hobby , large, permanent) were discussed with parents first. Clearly other families are different and if they weren't there would be a lot less posts in AIBU involving in laws.

Your question was whether it was unreasonable to be annoyed, not whether you were right to send it back, smash it with a sledge hammer etc. IMO YANBU to be annoyed.

Your MIL may have more space in New Zealand and so the space practicalities may not occur to her. It's all very well saying put it under the bed, but only so many things will fit there!

Try and get DH to have a chat to her about discussing presents in advance? Avoid duplicates, check it's not something DD has said she never wants etc. Maybe he should be proactive ahead of birthdays and Christmas?

Another problem you may have in future is if you have one set of GP respecting your wishes with regards to presents and the other either unaware or disregarding them. DC may be getting unequal presents, and build GP preference based on this. This is complicated by having one set of GP in country (I presume) and the other in New Zealand - and those in New Zealand probably feeling detached from GC and maybe subconsciously are trying to buy their love/exert control with big gestures. Maybe if you can make MIL feel more included (more skypes??) she will calm down on the present buying.

This is definitely a first world problem, who has said otherwise? Although, I bet the underlying relationship dynamic problem is pretty universal.

Haven't RTFT but I think she is trying to get you to move to NZ where you would have space for all this stuff. We lived in a flat in London and my MIL was always sending oversize stuff. It was her subconscious PA way of making us think we needed a bigger place.

For what it's worth, we were in NZ at Christmas and her cool uncle who she worships plays the guitar and started to teach her. I would not have been surprised about this as a gift (although still presumptuous re. lessons) but the keyboard is completely random.

I see this gift as no different to small drum kit and would this be a suitable surprise?

Boiled That's not fair or relevant. I'm sorry you don't have all the people you would like in your life but having a toxic relative is soul destroying.

It's a kind gift but badly thought out. I'd hate to have to find something large to house.

Think you've been given a bit of a rough ride here.

Can Amazon take it back and re send it to the cousin?

Boiledfart

Maybe you should read the decluttering thread by the poor MNer whose family have filled her house with shite to the point that she can hardly move. It's not always a good thing.

There are excellent London piano teachers who will come to the house once a week, maybe DD's GM would pay for a few lessons as DD's Christmas present.

Is it not nice that she thought of her at all? I would've thought any gift like that would, even though might not be used, be appreciated as your dd had been thought of at all you know?

Of course it's rude to buy a big gift without consulting on its appropriateness with you or your dh. Extra rude of posters to be snarky about how you, as a family choose to spend your time.

Unless your DD desperately wants to learn to play it, I would do as previous poster suggested and leave it out for a couple of weeks by which time your DD will probably have lost all interest and then pack it away. And give it away a few months along the road.

Ive got a metre wide keyboard and it lives stored on its side taknig up a very small space until its required when it gets put up on its stand (which also folds down).

YABU

Its a lovely gift - be grateful your MIL sends nice gifts - my parents stick £10 in a card for my DC's.

Primal Is that the one who's banned from the local tip because she was taking so much stuff her family had bought her that the council decided she was running a tipping business? Were the HA also involved due to the volume of stuff in her flat, yet the family were still making weekly deliveries to her?

Wow scaredycat, how you can misread my post that badly is incredible.

What I am saying is that MILs son (aforementioned lovely Uncle) has sparked an interest in my DD that she knows about and ignored, instead choosing something related but completely different.

BIL and MIL are both equal in our lives.