AIBU to be annoyed by MIL gift

[Halle71]

I will precede this post by admitting that I am a bit OCD about our house after a 1.5 refurb, and my MIL and I have not always got on but we are ok now although my DH is a bit twitchy about us.

It's my DD's 7th birthday on Sunday and various packages have been arriving from Amazon for her from my MIL who lives in NZ. Today my DH told me that the main package is due today - a keyboard.
That's cool I think. Until he shows me the link. It's almost a metre wide with its own stool. Her room is in the loft with no free wall - bed, full length wardrobe, juliette balcony and chest of drawers so it would have to go somewhere else. Our house is big by London standards but not huge and we don't really have any spare place for it to go. Don't get me wrong, the new kitchen diner where we spend most of our time, is filled with toys, but they are tidied up at night and again, there is nowhere it can go neatly against a wall (I also think that these keyboards are ugly and she will get bored and it will just gather dust). The other packages are learning tools for it so she is expected to learn to play it properly. I told my DH that I'm not helping (we can barely fit homework and swimming lessons in the time we have available) and he said she can teach herself. If it was that easy piano teachers would be redundant!
It will also be the cause of endless arguments with her and my 3 year old DS yawn...
It sound overly dramatic but it is a present that will just make my life harder.

I'm pissed off that she didn't talk to us - I would have suggested a smaller, cheaper 'starter' keyboard that she could use at the dining table or office desk.
She also has 'form' for this - the trampoline that arrived unannounced for her 4th birthday when we were in our old house with its 15' garden - all 10' if it. Sat in our hall for 2 weeks waiting for Amazon to pick up. Oh, and they had been to our house so not like they were thinking NZ gardens.. And as for the crazy battery toy animals she insists on buying - we spent £11 on batteries for the bloody dog last week!
I get that she wants to give surprises but when it's something with practical implications I think it would be polite to check. My mum wouldn't dare do this

Very sorry [embarrassed]

Try again. Very sorry

Scaredycat3000

Yes, that's the one. She's doing well though with sorting it out.

Could have been worse - it could have been a 30cm recorder!

Honestly OP, I do think it was thoughtless of MIL to send this. I suggest your or DH speak with her and ask her to consult with you in future.

But give it a go - they tuck away quite neatly. We have a 1m keyboard and stool in a teeny tiny 1.5bedroom house and DD loves plonking away on it. She's asked for music lessons (we limit her to how many extra curricular activities she does, so she had to choose which she'd like to prioritise), and is now composing her own "tunes".

You are coming across as quite ungrateful, so maybe you/DH need to have a conversation and agree how gifts are sourced in future - it must be quite difficult for her to come up with creative ideas that are easy to deliver but special enough to be a 'granny' gift rather than something that any old Joe Bloggs might give. Try to be constructive and appreciative rather than pissed off at a kind gesture.

I don't feel I should have to explain why I don't have the time, ability (or inclination) to teach her but with the kids getting home at 6.30 on weekdays and DD having Beavers on Monday, French on Tuesday, dance on Friday and swimming on Sunday with homework for Beavers, French and school (and DS football on Saturday starting this week), I think that she needs playtime. How much more time can she spend indoors?
She had a better camping with her dad last weekend than she would ever have I a keyboard.

And where is my downtime?
It seems like people think I'm a selfish mum for not wanting my kids to learn new skills.
Maybe my choice to have them means I have to write my life off??

Don't agree about the stealth boasting either. The Ops just stating facts.

£1.5m would have been though

I don't think YABU OP - it sounds like you're already doing a lot of extra-curricular activities as it is. I don't know why people are being so snarky about this - it's just the way threads go sometimes.

OP, you clearly have to move to a bigger house to accommodate well thought out presents that you didn't ask for.

Now back in the real world, YANBU. This is annoying and it probably won't even get used. I don't have a huge house, big enough for us but no spare wall for a keyboard at all, and I like things in their places, you know because it's my house and I can put what I like in it. I wouldn't appreciate a huge present like this without the person checking if it was okay and something they would be interested in. That's just sensible tbh.

I think you are going to have to say something about big presents. It sounds like granny buys huge presents because she can't see them often so is trying to make up for it.

If you had really spent £1.5M refurbishing your house, but didn't have space for a 1m keyboard I would politely suggest that maybe rather than the gold encrusted taps you should have bought somewhere slightly larger. Or was your problem really not space, but that a grand piano would fit better? Maybe you could pay your maid butler to store it?

Oh and we also have the 2 after school clubs and 3 outside of school activites. It's perfectly reasonable to not want to fill every waking moment with activities and have down time and just let them play, plus the money. DS wants to do another sport, we have said no as we just can't pay for everything and I don't want every moment taken up with ferrying them around and trying to rush tea because we don't have time and dragging younger sibling along too. That's not fair on them.

If it was a £1.5m refurb my PA would be managing my social media accounts and I wouldn't have a clue how judgemental some people would be because she (actually preferably 'he') would only tell me the good bits...

Can't you just set it up in front of the windows/doors to the 'juliette balcony'? I can't imagine your 7 year old will be using the balcony all that often - and if she does, it can easily be moved elsewhere for her to get in and out.
I think the fact that your MIL has set 'learning tools' suggests that she is not expecting your 7 year old to need lessons, and can have a bash at learning for herself, yunno like loads of kids do?

YANBU OP. Huge toys and small house don't mix. We used to live in a tiny cottage when our DD was a baby and my Nan (bless her) bought her this huge rocking horse. I could have cried when I saw it. It was done out of love and kindness, but it was a nightmare to find somewhere for it to go - and my daughter wasn't quite 1 yr old so she was too little to use it at the time.

My nan also bought my DD a chair out of the blue, completely unasked for, and again it was bought out of generosity and kindness, but it is still in the box in the garage, we have no room for it.

It is frustrating. You feel cross every time you walk past these unwanted things that are cluttering the place up and making it feel even smaller.

Yes. - OP's DD will not need lessons to enjoy her keyboard. It's not a piano. It will have all sorts of sound effects and voices. A melody can be played with one finger. It's a toy. One that most children would enjoy.

keyboard sounds fine. trampoline not (for size reasons) and I'm guessing from your post the trampoline got sent back.

mountain.molehill

YABU

My mother (not MIL) who lives abroad has forgotten to buy my two DSS Christmas and birthday presents. This does not feel like a major problem - too much love and a relative who is far enough away not to know when you exchange things. At least she cares and is trying.

I'm with you OP and it can be difficult not to come across as controlling and ungrateful. My DM has stopped doing this a bit, but when DS1 was born, she bought loads of stuff which I didn't want, need or have space for and then got very pissy and faux-hurt when I didn't jump for joy about it all. She's still irritating though and gives me sad looks every time she sees the massive ride on train set that she bought DS (not requested) packed up in the corner - it takes up the entire lounge and yes, he's used it a few times, but it's totally impractical. It's the irritating guilt-trips that follow such presents that are the worst.

From all the extras there is definitely the expectation that she should learn to play it, and we can't do it.

She's basically going to open everything up and ask for help with the various extra manuals, music sheets, key board stickers etc and whinge (quite rightly) when we can't drop everything to help.

If this sounds begrudging it is - yet another thing to feel guilty about. As if I do t feel bad enough about homework generally being done after dinner on a Sunday!

YANBU op! I don't think people should give presents without discussion that will force the recipient to commit amounts of time, money or space that they might not be able to manage.

Unless it's lego of course.

She would have LOVED that money to be spent on Lego.

That would totally piss me off too for all the same reasons. It sounds quite possible that your MIL was trying to treat her grandchildren equally and also lacks imagination.

HOWEVER, your DH showed you the link which suggests that he had a heads up however small and an opportunity to suggest alternatives to his Mum and didn't? So it's a DH problem as much as a MIL problem?

His issue to sort. It sounds like it will go to waste, for a few years at least and so he should either make urgent arrangements to return it and find a substitute present like climbing lessons/special climbing shoes and a nifty "hanging loose" t-shirt quickly for his mum. If he doesn't want to do that, then you are stuck with it and lessons learned.

Will the neighbours complain if you are in a terraced house?

Upended it should fit in the wardrobe or tucked away next to it. The stool is unnecessary though. If your DD will like it, YABU.

My DS has piano lessons during school time - which really helps with the lack-of-time issue. It is a normal state primary so maybe other schools offer this? If the cost of lessons is too expensive for you maybe you could see it as the answer to ending other unwanted gifts: 'she LOVES the keyboard so much, instead of Birthday/Christmas/Easter/whatever presents in future please can you pay for some piano lessons'.
Why not give it a try for a bit - just set it up at home and see whether she likes it or not? Both my boys loved messing about on the keyboard making little tunes from very young, and we only started the formal lessons once we had seen over a long period that they were interested in playing.