AIBU to be annoyed by MIL gift

[Halle71]

I will precede this post by admitting that I am a bit OCD about our house after a 1.5 refurb, and my MIL and I have not always got on but we are ok now although my DH is a bit twitchy about us.

It's my DD's 7th birthday on Sunday and various packages have been arriving from Amazon for her from my MIL who lives in NZ. Today my DH told me that the main package is due today - a keyboard.
That's cool I think. Until he shows me the link. It's almost a metre wide with its own stool. Her room is in the loft with no free wall - bed, full length wardrobe, juliette balcony and chest of drawers so it would have to go somewhere else. Our house is big by London standards but not huge and we don't really have any spare place for it to go. Don't get me wrong, the new kitchen diner where we spend most of our time, is filled with toys, but they are tidied up at night and again, there is nowhere it can go neatly against a wall (I also think that these keyboards are ugly and she will get bored and it will just gather dust). The other packages are learning tools for it so she is expected to learn to play it properly. I told my DH that I'm not helping (we can barely fit homework and swimming lessons in the time we have available) and he said she can teach herself. If it was that easy piano teachers would be redundant!
It will also be the cause of endless arguments with her and my 3 year old DS yawn...
It sound overly dramatic but it is a present that will just make my life harder.

I'm pissed off that she didn't talk to us - I would have suggested a smaller, cheaper 'starter' keyboard that she could use at the dining table or office desk.
She also has 'form' for this - the trampoline that arrived unannounced for her 4th birthday when we were in our old house with its 15' garden - all 10' if it. Sat in our hall for 2 weeks waiting for Amazon to pick up. Oh, and they had been to our house so not like they were thinking NZ gardens.. And as for the crazy battery toy animals she insists on buying - we spent £11 on batteries for the bloody dog last week!
I get that she wants to give surprises but when it's something with practical implications I think it would be polite to check. My mum wouldn't dare do this

my 7 year old has no grandparents.
be happy she is loved so much they want to surprise her, make room... if she doesnt use them pass them on to someone who will.
really not worth being annoyed over a kind act.

Maybe the OP just doesn't want to spend her limited free time soeting out a keyboard she doesn't want and wasn't asked about before it was purchased.

It's really not a thoughtful and generous gift when it involves the giver just pressing a button to order it but the effort to set it up and store it has to be done by someone else.

I am really not getting why people have to grateful for things they don't actually want.

BoiledFart - not the instruction manuals but the learning aids. Def have the time for set up.

Last Christmas my parents bought DS a car track that took up the entire floor in the cough awkwardly kitchen diner. The pieces were too fragily (if there is such a word) put together to work on carpet so it had to go here and there were about 3 million pieces so you couldn't just put it together and take it apart each time it was played with. So i suggested we take it back and swap it for something more suitable with my parents there and that's what we did.

If anything it's DH who is like that - he agrees he doesn't want it and is considering tidying the shed for it (woo hoo) but is pissed off because I'm blaming his mum.

Little anecdote. About 4 years ago MIL bought us a gift. A shiny glass like ball, maybe 20cm in diameter that sat on a charger and somehow linked to your phone. We looked it up in Amazon and it cost £100. We read the instructions and didn't understand them. To this day we don't know what it is and its sat in the loft.

For our wedding last year she was going to buy a £600 kitchen aid that made everything you can possibly imagine and could only be purchased is a rep came to your house. Just not something I would use.

Everything (except the massive trampoline) she buys for the kids is a 'gadget'.

I don't think it's my problem with her, there is definitely a present problem :-)

I get it. Last house was tiny and gifts selected/requested with care as there was just no room for big stuff. Fortunately family on both sides fell into line with this. If people haven't had a house that small they are not going to understand.

Likewise, I'd like DS to learn an instrument but not if the price to pay is an even more hectic schedule and overwrought and exhausted child. Lessons sourced so far are approx. £25 for 30 mins. To make any real progress they will need weekly lessons and regular practice, which at the age of your child and mine will need a bit of parental cajoling. Around our paid employment, his homework, swimming, computer club, Boys Brigade and drama club. And ideally going to the park, lego etc. Don't know where the hard time you're getting is coming from. If you can't fit practice in you're throwing money away on lessons and everyone will get frustrated by lack of practice. Hopefully you can live with it and for now DD can just play about with it.

I would have recommended a small one now and a bigger one in a few years if she likes it.
Where do you go as she gets older?

This is the same grandparent who bought her a tablet for xmas when she was 4 without checking btw....

OP I think you're being pretty classy in your response to some of these comments.

I do think learning a musical instrument brings a shedload of advantages.

So I guess you have 3 options:

1. Keep the keyboard
2. Trade it in for something else
3. Sell it and not tell MIL

If you keep the keyboard - we had a piano teacher come to us on a Saturday morning, half hour lessons, no travel time. It was very convenient. This could even be done while the other child is out doing another activity? We didn't make them practice daily for the first while - like you, we ran out of time and kids do most definitely need unscheduled time to just be kids.

Trade it in - you could return it and get a guitar because that seems to be where her musical interest lies?

Sell it - make sure your DC don't spill the beans though!

So that deals with the current issue.

So then there is the 'present problem'. I think I would recommend that you or DH talk to MIL about it because you can't have this happening for the next decade and a half at least

And yes of course you are lucky to have an MIL who cares, and a mother who is around, but that is not really the point here is it

You're not obliged to pay for lessons. Why don't you just let your dd play with it. Maybe it's not what you would have chosen but that is often the way with gifts. I'm sure your dd will enjoy just playing around on it.

It just sounds misjudged - with the trampoline sound quite funny(sorry but to an outsider)

Some people are just crap at buying presents - some have no self awareness about this

My SIL is dreadful for this and had form for constantly buying crap inappropriate presents then expects a huge round of applause - we caught on and started to send her and MIL specific links to suitable gifts (they also live a short plane trip away) this has reduced the issue. But SIL who is very wealthy and extremely self important is also quite mean so when she bought the wrong present despite being asked for a very specifics item - and by then us having suffered a decade of this scenario - DH was a bit bolder and asked her could she take it back - and get the correct item - bearing in mind she had had a decades worth of us spending our money on appropriate presents for her that she got value from and getting constant crap in return - well she had forget the receipt and therefor incurred some extra expense from her crap present buying - I think this was the moment for her it stopped when she was made to be inconvenienced/ out of pocket. Had no more crap presents since only the exact item asked for or a voucher

If it's a high handed thing or an accidental thing I think that is the difference - with SIL it was high handed with your MIL could be accidental

I do have some sympathy with you OP. My GMIL tends to buy expensive oversized gifts. They nearly always require plenty of self assembly too.

If it's from Amazon you can return it and they'll give you a full refund.

I get it (luckily DD's keyboard is covered by the 'floordrobe' in her bedroom)

Would it sit on top of the chest of drawers? (sod the stand)

I feel I need to know more about this glass ball that lights up, any chance of a link?

I do want to know about the glass thing, too. My search gave nothing.

So let's get this right, your mil gets your daughter a keyboard, and you are pissed off and won't bother to facilitate the learning of said instrument.
Are you insane? Learning to play the piano is a great skill, not just as a way to develop musical knowledge and appreciation, but also for general cognitive development.

She hasn't bought your daughter a pair of stilts or a didgeridoo, but a proper instrument. If your daughter is encouraged to learn then she'll have a skill for life.

An earlier version of this I think:

m.johnlewis.com/sphero-2-0-smart-app-enabled-robot-toy/p/2345200?sku=235076835&kpid=235076835&s_kenid=536a0dd1-99fc-422c-b3e5-e285e41dbe50&s_kwcid=402x1567619&tmad=c&tmcampid=73#

Bearing in mind this was maybe 4 years ago and I had only just got my first iPhone, 40 years old, working f/t with a toddler (limited time for reading instructions ) and neither me or DH had ever shown an interest in anything remotely gamey/techy. It literally has not been out of the box except to look at it in wonder. Even if you think I'm bonkers over the keyboard you have to agree this is an odd choice.

I've just remembered DDs 1st birthday when she was sent 2 X electric toothbrushes that were for age 3+. I questioned this because her NZ cousins are twins 18 months older and thought maybe a mistake. But no, they were for her.
Theme : batteries/electrical

Nothing like a drum kit a keyboard is small and can go under a bed, against a wardrobe and can have headphones! Very easily packed away when not in use.

Why all the arsey responses? I sometimes think people on here are just out for a fight for the sake of it.
I also can't see how it's a stealth boast and why the OP needs a grip handing to her.
If people insist on buying massive presents when they KNOW you have a small house, and nowhere to put it, it does get on your nerves a bit.
It doesn't mean you're ungrateful, but you do think WTF am I supposed to DO with it?!

OP I think YANBU. It is a bit thoughtless.

But I have strong views on gift etiquette!

Off track abit- but we put our daughter's keyboard on a low platform that wheeled under her bed. She could pull it out when needed.

I'd send the lot back, or sell it and get something useful.

I say that as the head of a household full of musical instruments. Piano/keyboard is great, but only if you have the time and space.

Sell the lot, but her a small ukulele maybe as a prelude to a guitar, maybe a book/DVD combo to help her learn (there are also so amazing YouTube tutorials out there) and spend the rest on Lego or bank it for her.

I see your point OP. It makes me laugh when people refer to First World Problems on here - nearly all of Mumsnet is first world problems.

Basically, you've been given a large, inconvenient present that you don't want and can't / don't want to schedule in to the list of activities that you already do.

And I get what you're saying about having no wall space to put it against.

Well, it's not a piano so piano lessons aren't necessary or even desirable, that's why GM has bought the learning tools to go with it.

I would put it in her room and let her mess around on it - the 3 year old will love it too, my almost 2 year old DGD has been enjoying my piano since she's been old enough to sit on the stool.

If she enjoys messing around with it she can then start following the learning tools and yes, can effectively teach herself to play it. You don't have to be musical to help her learn, it's a keyboard not a piano and she doesn't need expensive piano lesson to learn how to make music on it.

If however, she bangs around on it for a bit and decides she hates it you can then legitimately put it on ebay with a clear conscience.

YANBU

You should see some of the shite my in-laws have bought my kids. After a short while of not being used/played with they end up in the garage for a while and then the charity shop.

I don't know why you are getting a hard time, your feelings are valid.

My DD was given a S/H keyboard at about the same age. Neither DH or I have any musical talent or training at all. Over the summer holiday she taught herself to play from a Dorling Kindersley book she took out of the library. By the end of the summer she could read music and play and sing along with simple versions of chart songs that she asked for for her birthday. It must be easy I thought and tried myself. It wasn't easy at all!

That was our first indication that DD was musically gifted. Without that Keyboard we might never have known it. Armed with that knowledge she went to a music specialist secondary school, learned to sing and,to,play piano and violin to a night and had many wonderful experiences playing and singing all over Europe proud mum boast here including leading the singing for an Easter Day torchlight mass at Lourdes (it's a Catholic thing).

Accept the gift and leave DD to it. If she doesn't take to it, fold up the stand and put it in a corner. Like we did with the tennis rackets/wii fit etc etc.

Sorry. She played to a high standard, not a night standard.

Stealth boast? Honesly, what bullshit - I always think people who complain about this have a bloody chip on their shoulder. I can appreciate that other people have things I don't without being jealous and trying to call it boasting.
Vixxface, I think you need a break from Mumsnet. You are inferring troll on so many threads now.
And Portobelly, what you say is true about music (I studied it for more than ten years) but did you see what their schedule is like already? This would have to be shoehorned in somewhere, and she's only 6 or 7.