Hubby watching porn

[SarahJane333]

I'm not sure why this bothers me so much but yesterday morning I took the children to school, normally this would take about 35 minutes but I decided to drop them and leave as I couldn't get parked so I arrived home 15 minutes early. Dh normally leaves for work either just before I leave for school or just after but he was still at home. He was so startled when I walked in, rushing to put his clothes on and overly chatty about how early I was. After a few minutes I told him I thought he was acting shifty and wanted to know what was going on. He said nothing, was all lovely and affectionate and left for work. He pops back in twice for different reasons, meaning he's now going to be very late for work - something which can't happen when I want a hand with the school run. I think he was hoping to get hold of the laptop to delete the search history, which I've checked and shows he was watching porn. Now is it just me or is that a really strange thing to do at that time of the morning?!

Aibu to be really hurt that I'm rushing around getting our 3 children to school plus looking after our ebf baby and he's sat at home, by himself, having a wank? Not to mention that I'm not very happy with my body at the moment but I'm still making an effort, we had sex two days ago. Plus the dishonesty, he knew I knew something was off, I asked him what was going on and he acted like I was being paranoid, which I'm not generally. Wwyd now?

I notice that none of the "pro porn" people (can't think of a better term, sorry) are even begining to address the question of how you know whether the porn you are watching is exploitative or not.

Going slightly off tangent, but a major porn site ("x - hamster") this week took down their rape category, in response to the Stanford rape case. (can't find the link but it was in the Metro newspaper) how kind of them, and how incredibly naive of me to think that major porn sites would not be quite so sick and twisted as to have a rape CATEGORY. Actually it immediately made me wonder what it would take for such sites to remove their teen categories, a major paedophile incident?
Yeah, I don't like porn .. I couldn't give a rats arse what people think of me for having this opinion.
And to rale who suggested female porn actors earn "thousands" you are wrong, so wrong.. I like sex a lot, I'm sure many of us do - why are we not packing our jobs in right now? Yep because it doesn't earn you thousands, oh and the idea of engaging in uncomfortable sex acts with random strangers for hours a day (for pittance) is well, a bit if a head fuck.
There are many levels of abuse. Jenna Jameson was raped and abused as a young girl, and ended up in porn (I think she's dead now) - some people reinact past traumatic experiences - sometimes as a form of self harm, or they believe they are worth nothing, so do not deserve ambitions or dreams.
Some people are drug addicts and porn is easy and quick money.
Some women are raped on set, after all "hardcore" scenes earn more, and once you are in the situation it's difficult to back down and refuse to engage in acts you do not want to do.

Anyway, Op for many reasons you don't have to like it. Even if just for the sake of your self esteem, why is it ok for your partner to go off and view slim 20 something's having fake sex in favour of you? The one he supposedly loves? I don't think I could bring myself to sleep with my oh again if I found he'd been using porn but each to their own.

Bert, you don't know what conditions each porn movie is made under, but when you shop in certain shops you always know the conditions, but people still do it without as much as a second thought!

it's completely agree with you.
There is a lot of porn out there.
Not all of it is unethical.
What about amateur porn? Couples sending in vids of themselves?
I'll agree that some people ( not just women, yet people neverseem to mention the men?) maybe not be in the industry willingly, but that isn't all of them.
Some make a career out of it.
I certainly don't lookdown in people who watch porn. It's up to them.

Wtf is x-hamster

it'smine
Yep i never knew about the content lock on my phone.
I never had one till around 6 years ago, and so far the last 3 contracts have had them on there.
Can be really annoying though as it blocked a lot of news articles too
I need my gossip fix!

"There is a lot of porn out there.
Not all of it is unethical."

I agree. How do you know which is and which isn't.

Bertrand how about we flip your question and you tell everyone how we can tell if it is exploitative or not? The simple answer is perhaps "we can't" but that means neither can you. You're very keen that this point is addressed so how about instead of saying the same thing over and over again you just go ahead and enlighten those reading this thread.

kali surprised you've not heard of it, especially since you sound familiar with the sites that have videos of amateur couples that have made the content themselves - are you able to name any? And how are you sure that the couples posted the content themselves?

lottie you need to eat food, you need to wear clothes - doesn't make it right that some of these products are produced unethically. However everyone has a choice whether or not to wank off to videos of other human beings having fake sex. It is not a need.
Plus people do not wank over the visual imagery of the people producing primark clothing and coffee.
I know it's hard to grasp, but can you try..?

follow amazingly no i don't know every single porn site out there just because i was able to name one type video.
I used know a couple who posted their videos to sites that's how i know no, i've never wantedto know!

"Bertrand how about we flip your question and you tell everyone how we can tell if it is exploitative or not? The simple answer is perhaps "we can't" but that means neither can you." I know I can't. That's one of the reasons I don't use porn.

A decent person would not use porn on the basis that they do not know the details of the lives/backgrounds of the actors (whether they are on drugs, whether they have been abused, if they are victims of sex trafficking) instead of using it in the "hope" that the actors they are viewing are in the videos entirely if their own free will. End of.

follow ok then

Hmm .. ok. Some genuinely ignorant and quite frightening responses on this thread. oh well..

follow maybe it's your responses?
Your make a sweeping judgement about a lot of people so i'm not going to take you seriously.
You think people who watch porn aren't decent.
I think people who make judgements like this aren't decent people.

Have read this whole thread with interest and certainly I think we are now entering a time where access to porn on line needs to be more difficult (not stopped- but made harder for those underage).

But as an aide to whether porn is right or wrong or whether we should or shouldn't be using it, what I find hard to swallow on threads like this is the tone of some posters insisting that "porn is banned in our house", "it's a no go" etc. I cannot imagine "banning" my husband from consuming anything that was legal and would be mightily annoyed if he tried to stop me from doing the same.

Porn is banned in our house. From both of us. DH doesn't want it in our marriage anymore than I do.

Our feelings were made clear at the start. We were both free to leave the other if we weren't happy with the 'banning'

fell agree with you, it should be harder for teens to be able to see it.
I do kind of agree with you about banning something.
I don't think it's wrong for one partner to not like/disagree with porn as it's how they feel.

See u2 i think that's agood way.
It was said at the beginning that porn was a no go.

Please do not try to make this into a prudes vs free spirits debate. Of course decent people masturbate. What decent people don't do is masturbate over images unless they are sure that the people involved in making the image are not being exploited or abused.

I watch porn occasionally. There are some excellent tumblr blogs on the subject

Does that make me indecent? I don't think so.

I don't know if H watches it. We Dixon t do so together. I'd not be bothered if he did as long as it wasn't when he was around and in charge of the kids.

bert i may disagree with you regarding porn, but completely agree that it's nothing to do with being a prude!
That does actually annoy me on threads like this.
If you don't like porn, it doesn't make you a prude.