Hubby watching porn

[SarahJane333]

I'm not sure why this bothers me so much but yesterday morning I took the children to school, normally this would take about 35 minutes but I decided to drop them and leave as I couldn't get parked so I arrived home 15 minutes early. Dh normally leaves for work either just before I leave for school or just after but he was still at home. He was so startled when I walked in, rushing to put his clothes on and overly chatty about how early I was. After a few minutes I told him I thought he was acting shifty and wanted to know what was going on. He said nothing, was all lovely and affectionate and left for work. He pops back in twice for different reasons, meaning he's now going to be very late for work - something which can't happen when I want a hand with the school run. I think he was hoping to get hold of the laptop to delete the search history, which I've checked and shows he was watching porn. Now is it just me or is that a really strange thing to do at that time of the morning?!

Aibu to be really hurt that I'm rushing around getting our 3 children to school plus looking after our ebf baby and he's sat at home, by himself, having a wank? Not to mention that I'm not very happy with my body at the moment but I'm still making an effort, we had sex two days ago. Plus the dishonesty, he knew I knew something was off, I asked him what was going on and he acted like I was being paranoid, which I'm not generally. Wwyd now?

We're not talking about serial killers, we're talking about rapists.

And how is it a limited subset?

The offenders I have worked with have been from all backgrounds and commit all types and varieties of sex offences. All rapists risk conviction (admittedly some more than others but there is offenders of all types locked up).

Where will you find a better overall representation of rapists to study? Asking men on the street 'what type of rapist you are?'

Serial killers are only one type of offender locked up in DSPD units, serial and extremely violent sex offenders are the other big representation in DSPD units among other offenders.

It doesn't matter that there isn't a better way of doing it. It matters that your way isn't reliable.

LastGirl

Fair enough but I do think publicly describing people who do something you personally morally disagree with as digesting is rather unpleasant and judgemental especially when you can't guarantee they don't vet their porn for abuse and exploitation.

I've met successful porn actresses and they certainly don't see themselves as objects. They see themselves as offering a valued service that they are extremely extremely well compensated for. They are some of the most confident people I have met and certainly don't put up with disrespect or any other form of shit from anyone.

You can respect the person behind the till as a person but you stil expect them to serve you professionally in exchange for your trade. We live in a capitalist society, I see no problem in people trading their body for money if that is their choice.

It could even be argued that the porn industry is more sexist against men than women since actresses are often paid thousands of pounds per scene where as their co stars are often lucky to get hundreds of pounds.

Do you not think the porn industry might sometimes involve women who don't get paid thousands of pounds per scene?

But the problem is Rale we simply don't know if it is their choice.

Some years ago I worked for a charity for the homeless. One of the girls who came to us was from Eastern Europe, and had been trafficked for work in the sex trade. She was HIV+. She absolutely could not be in the same room as a man. Her key workers were all female and she was placed in a room with only girls on the same floor. She was terrified of men. She was a devoted Christian actually. She was lovely.

Until then I had been a bit blasé about girls and women who worked in porn or the sex trade. I sort of thought they had lives and upbringings like me and made their choices. But she really affected me.

It made me realise the whole thing about women CHOOSING their lives is just bullshit for so many. And anyone who just carries on watching women face numerous assaults upon their bodies without knowing for certain if they have been trafficked or not or coerced in some way then yes, they are pretty rotten people.

They're being paid more because it's a different job, involving much higher levels of risk.

I can't change my feelings on that by the way. I'm not saying it to hurt people....it is what I believe to be true. I cannot respect anyone who watches porn.

ShowOfHands bert
So are blokes who do watch porn then not honest, nice or real men
My dh is a nice honest bloke.
I couldn't give a toss if he wants to watch porn when i'm out.
Doesn't make him a horrible bloke.
I've also watched porn.
Doesn't make me a horrible person.
Not all porn is degrading to women.
Some possibly is, but not all is.
There are many many sites out there...
I don't believe all men watch either.
Most men may have seen porn, but not all men watch it.
Not everybody is the same.
it's mine i'm on ee ( same thing happened on tmobile) and anything it deemed 'adult' you had to ring up to confirm your age to unlock it, or put your credit card details in ( if you were the account holder).
Though it did deem some strange things too adult.
Someone linked something on here that i was unable to view as it was deemed innappropriate

Op i may not have a problem with porn but it doesn't make it wrong if you're uneasy with it.
I'd be more pissed that he was doing this instead of going to work!

Interesting discussion... to what extent does it matter what type of porn it is? At one end of the spectrum you have erotic nude or semi-nude photos of solo women... At the other end you have vile stuff whose sole purpose is to dehumanise and degrade (was informed about A2M porn recently - surely invented purely to humiliate...)

I posted on this thread a while ago, and I can't help noticing that the OP has disappeared.

However, I kind of agree with aspects of what you're all saying. There is some abuse within the porn industry, but there are reputable companies too. A blanket ban on porn just wouldn't work. There are many porn actresses who are proud of their work because they have chosen to do this.

And I agree that porn does give teenagers some unrealistic expectations of what sex is like. Not just teenage boys but girls too. I can tell you my first time having sex was absolutely nothing like a porn movie. Neither was the second.

But there is a best selling trilogy - fifty shades of grey - and while people have been condemning the porn industry or defending it, or defending everyone's right to make their own choices, nobody has mentioned it. To my mind, this book has done far more damage to people's perception of sex. The porn argument can continue all day but that book endorses an abusive relationship, which is something that softcore porn does not.

There have been many interviews with people who are involved in consensual bdsm relationships, where they have said that that book has little to no bearing on reality.

So possibly, rather than banning porn, and judging porn users, educating people on the realities of sex, and making sure that teenagers especially understand that porn actors are doing just that - acting.

Anyway.... Back to the original question and SHOW OF BLOODY SUPPORT TO THE OP, FELLOW WOMEN OF MNET!

Was going to say similar Capricorn. Poor OP. Once again thread gets completely hijacked with gobshites only interested in spouting their own repetitive agenda. Self centred and insensitive to the OP.

" I would bet my life savings and my house on it."

Bet taken. Please send me the money now and the deeds to your house.

I'm still here, I'm afraid I've never given much thought to the ethics surrounding porn so didn't feel I could add much to the conversation.

He did the school run today 😂

I'm not saying it to hurt people....it is what I believe to be true. I cannot respect anyone who watches porn.

I think the issue I, and others have had with your stance is that it is based on sweeping generalisations. It may make you uncomfortable, but women do act in porn willingly - have chosen the job - and people can watch it and not be terrible human beings.

Look, I probably do come across as condescending but the fact is I DO look down on people who watch porn. These are real women you are looking at - they have dreams, hopes, ambitions, families, humanity....anyone who chooses to ignore this and treats them as an object for their titillation is really despicable I think.

Is it really so hard for you to believe that there are women who choose this as a career?

So it's a school morning and you're getting the kids ready for school. You pull across the curtains to find three men and one woman having consensual sex at the front of your house. Yep, in broad daylight. What would you do?

Watch and have a wank, ignoring the fact that your children need to get to school?

Or would you swiftly close the curtains and call the police?

Would you sit on a be have with your children whilst the couple next to you were having sex?

Porn is dirty business, there is nothing wholesome about it. That's the premise of porn.

Sit on a beach.

Pinkladyapple.

1. There is, of course, ethical porn. However, if you are watching porn which is not specifically ethical, there is no way of knowing whether the women- and men- involved are being abused and/or exploited. I am not comfortable with people taking that risk. And I find I very hard to understand why anyone else would be. Porn is not an essential of life. It is very easy to ensure that you are not contributing to an industry which frequently abuses and exploits people- just stop using it.

2. Yes, there are women who choose to work in the industry. There are people who choose to work in all sorts of industries that are damaging to them and to society. Just because someone makes a choice does not mean it is a good choice and they should be supported.

3. Porn is damaging to individuals and to society. It means that both boys and girls are growing up with unrealistic views of sex and relationships. You could argue that your own personal use does not impact on anyone- but as someone once said, it's the drip drip effect. Before long you're saying "shit- where did that sodding great bucketful come from?"

toconclude....... No, you send me YOUR life savings and the deeds to YOUR house!

You know you have to produce evidence to win a bet right?