Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be upset at constantly being left out of holidays?

461 replies

NeonPegasus · 14/06/2016 14:53

DH and I have been together for five years. We have one daughter together, I already had three when we met and he has two lovely daughters as well. All the children get on well.

I haven't had a holiday for seven years. DH goes away with his mum and his daughters every year, but this year I've started to wonder why the rest of us aren't ever invited. I sometimes get a half-assed invite from his mum but I'm expected to leave my other three children (who've NEVER had a holiday) at home with family while I go, and I'm not really comfortable with doing that, it doesn't seem fair that I'm on holiday with their sister while they spend the week with my parents.

They decided they weren't going away this year. That it was easier to involve everyone if we planned lots of little days out instead, which I thought sounded like a great idea. We live in a place which is near enough to lots of attractions that we can feasibly do that without much difficulty. I was really looking forward to it.

Then, out of the blue this morning his mum decides she wants to go to Center Parcs, and she's booked it for them in August. As in her, DH and the three girls. I'm not expecting his mum to pay for everyone to go on holiday, by any means, but is it asking too much that I'm offered the choice to at least put money in so we can all go? I don't think I'd wanna shell out Center Parcs prices anyway (ouch) but I'm irrationally irked at not even being asked.

It's not like they don't all get time together, he has the girls every other weekend and they all spend that time together, he doesn't bring them to our home he takes them to his mums (he says this is a space issue, I think it may be more because his ex says he cant, I gave up asking).

I'm an emotional wreck at this time of the month anyway and we lost my ex's mum on Sunday (who I was very close to) so I can't help but think I'm just projecting my emotional state on the nearest issue that's arisen but I'm so upset over it, which is really unlike me.

OP posts:
dolkapots · 14/06/2016 16:31

I really don't mean to be harsh Neon but you are enabling this. You are not a blended family, your DH is living between two families and it seems to suit him. I agree with other posters who say that your dd's might accept it now but in future this will have an impact on them.

MrsBertBibby · 14/06/2016 16:31

And now I'm boggling at the Christmas nonsense.

Your husband sounds like he's split up with you, but forgot to tell you so.

dolkapots · 14/06/2016 16:35

I think you really need to either split with him or he gets his act together. You said your MIL is not that bad, but she would expect you to leave your dd's behind if you went on holiday? That is very bad behaviour IMHO.

RhiWrites · 14/06/2016 16:35

They're being idiots but just book it and treat it as a fait accompli. You know when it's been booked for and they'll have vacancies since they had one for MIL. Book another chalet for you and your girls at the same time and tell your H and his mum "what a great idea! I've booked for us so now we can have a family holiday all together".

ElspethFlashman · 14/06/2016 16:36

So where does the 3 year old go?

Wait, does that mean you have to wave your 3 year old off every other weekend???

And spend every 2nd Christmas without her as she grows up? ??

TheHobbitMum · 14/06/2016 16:36

I'd be absolutely fuming amd disgusted! Wtf? Your married, have kids who get along and a child together so why on earth wouldn't he have a complete family holiday! Awful behaviour from MIL & Husband, I would tell him everyone goes or none at all!

liz70 · 14/06/2016 16:37

"if I ask for one I get told we can't afford it."

It's around £1500 - £1700 for a fortnight in late July, 8 berth caravan. Only you know if that's doable or not.

JessicaRabbit3 · 14/06/2016 16:37

Your mil is an awful person who purposely excludes your other children due to the fact they arent blood. The fact of the matter is your DH is enabling this behaviour all year round to completely shut and exclude you and your other children. This would be a real deal breaker for me. Thankfully although I wish my inlays were abit more hands on they buy DS a gift birthdays and Christmas and we are all invited as a family.

When you start your own family they become priority over your parents wishes. He needs to grow up

NeonPegasus · 14/06/2016 16:38

dolka I know - it's not harsh and if it is, well, I clearly need it.

Our DD goes with him every other time he goes, so not every contact weekend no.

I think a proper chat is in order later, best I do it while I'm still a bit angry or I'll just let it go again. I thought we'd genuinely made some progress this time when a holiday was vetoed in favour of doing things everyone could enjoy, this is like being smacked in the face.

OP posts:
ChicRock · 14/06/2016 16:40

You have a massive DH problem and you've enabled it/him over the years.

But I think in the short term, you need to take responsibility for taking your own kids on holiday, regardless of what your DH does with his children.

Just get something booked for you and your kids for the same time that he's away with his mummy.

Want2bSupermum · 14/06/2016 16:41

His priorities are wrong. Number 1 is your spouse, number 2 are the children (all of them) and number 3 are your other family members which includes MILs.

I would tell your DH you need the reservation details so you can ensure your booking for the rest of the family is taken care of. Either you all go or DH stays back and explains to everyone else in your family why his MIL is only taking part of their family to center parcs.

pambeesley · 14/06/2016 16:41

I'm sorry but you need to do something and do something NOW. Your kids are going to grow up very bitter. I can't even imagine having no holiday whilst I saw my siblings go off to center parcs in the summer.

The only other option is you take some money and you take the kids left behind away, not days out but away and tell your DH Tough as he caused this.

TheSnowFairy · 14/06/2016 16:41

Your 3 children are definitely not being treated fairly by your DH but you need to put this right.

Either ALL your children are invited or none.

Want2bSupermum · 14/06/2016 16:44

Oh and if you guys as a family can't afford center parcs for everyone he needs to find a solution that is inclusive of everyone. I would be livid if I were you. Totally unacceptable that a wife and children are placed behind a MIL. No doubt it didn't help his first marriage.

KayTee87 · 14/06/2016 16:45

This is so strange!! Not a normal set up by any means and cannot be good for the children. Please stand up for yourself and tell him enough is enough.

Kenduskeag · 14/06/2016 16:45

Yikes, hell no. DP should be saying "Actually, I will be bringing my wife and children."

You're a package! Not just him and 'the first kids'. Whom he doesn't bring to your house? He's still taking them to his mum's like some kind of lost divorcée, not a married man with a family. A large one. 6 daughters, all to be treated equally.

He should never, ever had had the balls to come home and say "Well, me and the kids - OH WAIT no, just some of my kids - are off on holiday, bye." He should have been shocked his mother would even have considered diving your family in such a way. Uh. What a jerk.

eddielizzard · 14/06/2016 16:45

this is just awful.

i would book something while he's away and take all your kids, like others have suggested.

how your dh thinks this is ok is beyond me. how to get him to change though is another matter...

NoFuchsGiven · 14/06/2016 16:47

I must have written a reply 8+ times and deleted it as I just can not put down in words how messed up this is.

He isn't a bad person, he just has no backbone. His mum decides she wants to do something, he just goes along with it. I just wish he'd take my feelings into consideration more. I do talk to him, I do tell him how these things make me feel, but clearly it's easier to say no to me than it is his Mum. I dunno if that makes him selfish. I love him, very much, and he does a lot for all of us.

I think you need to get a backbone op, This man is not a nice person, nice people do NOT do this.

I wonder how long it will be before your elder dd's start resenting your youngest?

I don't want to sound mean but they will, they REALLY will :(

You and your dc deserve so much better than this, if you can not have an open conversation with your dh about this and he thinks there is nothing wrong in what he is doing then your relationship is doomed. You do not treat people you love like that.

As for him staying at his Mums every other weekend for his dc's, what does that say to you op, deep down? You think he is doing it as his ex has told him to? He is putting everyone else first but You.

I honestly feel so bad for you.

Osmiornica · 14/06/2016 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GabsAlot · 14/06/2016 16:48

sorry not fair at all and he leaves to have xmas with his mum and not you?

he should e saying no if were all not invited we're not coming

i hate the term easy life either hes with you or hes not-how are the kids going to feel when theyre older and all separated?

NeonPegasus · 14/06/2016 16:49

It's around £1500 - £1700 for a fortnight in late July, 8 berth caravan. Only you know if that's doable or not.

We're not rolling in it but we aren't skint, either. I am financially dependent on him yes, to whoever asked - but he doesn't keep money from me, if I ask for it he transfers it over. He earns a good wage. No, we probably couldn't pay for a £1k holiday outright on a whim, but if we had a few months notice that it was being booked we could have paid the extra money.

I'd happily book something and go away with them that week, it's a bit more difficult for me though as I don't drive either. But yes, it's certainly something I'll be looking into this week.

You all speak sense, and I know you do. I don't know why I've allowed it for this long, to be honest, I've only made it worse and I realise that.

Center Parcs isn't my idea of fun anyway if I'm honest, I'll be better off somewhere else with the kids...

OP posts:
AllegraWho · 14/06/2016 16:53

I take it that the father of your older children isn't around ?

TooLazyToWriteMyOwnFuckinPiece · 14/06/2016 16:53

Have only read OP.
This is very messed up. I can't imagine anyone not living in poverty who would have never taken their child on a single holiday. And to have some of the family going every year! I have cheap holidays post DC but I couldn't live without them.
Now going to read thread to see if there is some valid reason for this that means the dh is not a cunt.

Goingtobeawesome · 14/06/2016 16:54

If he goes along with his mother's decisions for a quiet life, make it very very loud when he chooses her..

CodyKing · 14/06/2016 16:55

Good lord! Tell him straight you are either all family or your not - and you are no longer happy with him splitting your family in half -
Sit him down to book a holiday you can all go on and tell him to tell his mother to cancel centre pars

And while your at it - he can parent his kids in his home!!

Swipe left for the next trending thread