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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be upset at constantly being left out of holidays?

461 replies

NeonPegasus · 14/06/2016 14:53

DH and I have been together for five years. We have one daughter together, I already had three when we met and he has two lovely daughters as well. All the children get on well.

I haven't had a holiday for seven years. DH goes away with his mum and his daughters every year, but this year I've started to wonder why the rest of us aren't ever invited. I sometimes get a half-assed invite from his mum but I'm expected to leave my other three children (who've NEVER had a holiday) at home with family while I go, and I'm not really comfortable with doing that, it doesn't seem fair that I'm on holiday with their sister while they spend the week with my parents.

They decided they weren't going away this year. That it was easier to involve everyone if we planned lots of little days out instead, which I thought sounded like a great idea. We live in a place which is near enough to lots of attractions that we can feasibly do that without much difficulty. I was really looking forward to it.

Then, out of the blue this morning his mum decides she wants to go to Center Parcs, and she's booked it for them in August. As in her, DH and the three girls. I'm not expecting his mum to pay for everyone to go on holiday, by any means, but is it asking too much that I'm offered the choice to at least put money in so we can all go? I don't think I'd wanna shell out Center Parcs prices anyway (ouch) but I'm irrationally irked at not even being asked.

It's not like they don't all get time together, he has the girls every other weekend and they all spend that time together, he doesn't bring them to our home he takes them to his mums (he says this is a space issue, I think it may be more because his ex says he cant, I gave up asking).

I'm an emotional wreck at this time of the month anyway and we lost my ex's mum on Sunday (who I was very close to) so I can't help but think I'm just projecting my emotional state on the nearest issue that's arisen but I'm so upset over it, which is really unlike me.

OP posts:
iknowimcoming · 21/06/2016 15:20

I agree with the others, if you do nothing, nothing will change. Be strong and see this through for all of your sakes. Flowers

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 21/06/2016 15:44

He is likely hoping that if he keeps his head down then you will go back to normal and get over your crazy moment.

redshoeblueshoe · 21/06/2016 15:51

Neon we all said this, he is just hoping you will forget all about it, and things can go back to how they were.

I hope you can stay strong.

wannabestressfree · 21/06/2016 16:18

I agree just ask what time they are due ...

Janecc · 21/06/2016 19:08

Neon. Hope you can get some resolution. Dont get worn down. Perhaps reread all of the advice on this thread. Remember you are going to have to keep pushing him.

PhoenixReisling · 21/06/2016 21:32

Just because he doesn't want to remind you mention it, you do need to ask. He is banking being timid and going along again with how arrangements have been.

He needs to be told that you are expecting him and his other DC to visit you this weekend....minus your MIL (I do think it should be built up to overnights).

Dogolphin · 22/06/2016 16:08

If it were my husband I would want him to want us to be a family. I wouldn't want to tell him. You must feel so let down OP.

Re learning to drive. If you start off with manual and struggle try learning in an automatic. Anything to get you independent. I drive an automatic and its fab.

gamerchick · 22/06/2016 16:23

Yeah my ex used to do that (and still does) keeps his head down until calmness has been restored and carries on exactly the same as before.

You'll probably have to push things but it won't make you feel any better forcing it. He's not going to be the dude you want him to be.

Baconyum · 22/06/2016 17:38

I agree don't let him sweep this under the rug again! He's banking on that.

P1nkP0ppy · 22/06/2016 18:13

To me it sounds like he's opted-out of the marriage; you seem more like a housekeeper/bedmate rather than equal in any way, shape or form. His behaviour is atrocious, bordering on abusive by the way he's so dismissive of/ignores you and your dcs.
i do hope he changes but I wouldn't hold your breath, after all this time he's unlikely to change especially while his DM is around.

Blu · 22/06/2016 20:09

Sending him the letter was good but now the ball is in his court and he is just letting it lie.

I would tell him you hope he had had time to consider what you had to say, and suggest a meeting time to discuss it.

Has he absorbed the fact that you will be taking your youngest to Cornwall?

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