Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

Any others who truly prefer to be alone?

182 replies

Oldisthenewblack · 13/06/2016 15:18

Just that. I can only completely relax when I'm totally alone and there's no prospect of anyone bothering me any time soon. I prefer my own company, and don't like watching films, TV programmes with others. I've always been like this and it doesn't bother me. It only bothers me when other people insist it's odd, and try to pressure me into being a person I'm not. I live alone and am more than happy with this; think it would kill me to have to share a space with someone else!

So, I'm just hoping to hear from others who perhaps feel the same. To reassure me that I'm not the only one

OP posts:

glassgarden · 16/06/2016 10:51

blogs.scientificamerican.com/beautiful-minds/both-introverts-and-extraverts-get-exhausted-from-too-much-socializing/

KayTee87 · 16/06/2016 12:27

I had a day off work the other week, had a doctors appointment then went to a coffee shop with my kindle for a couple of hours. It was practically empty as it was a Tuesday late morning. I had a lovely hot chocolate and cake then a nice cup of tea and a sandwich before I left all in silence bliss. I've also no problem sitting in a pub by myself having a drink if I'm waiting around for an hour or so for something / someone or going for lunch by myself.
Some of my friends wouldn't even walk into a restaurant / bar by themselves and would want to meet at the door as they're worried about having to even wait for 10 minutes for someone
It's funny how different people are.

IrianOfW · 16/06/2016 14:49

Hi Bary

"Irian you're me! I have exactly the same interests, for exactly the same reasons!"

Pleased to meet a fellow oddball!

IrianOfW · 16/06/2016 14:51

Ha! Birthdays in solitude - love them! For the last four years I have booked a day off on my birthday and either gone on a long run (this year I did my first half-marathon distance) or a buy a new map and go for a long walk somewhere I've never been before (just me, camera and dog).

I get so excited about these days out on my own, it almost feels like a guilty pleasure.

2nds · 16/06/2016 15:04

Civilfawlty I read your post and I thought I had written it lol, that's exactly what happens with me and my fella and then he says I thought you had come up to bed to sleep and I'm like no I came up just to be on my own!!!

If my fella runs off with another woman, or if something else happens I won't bother going on the dating scene again, I've told him this many times.

2nds · 16/06/2016 15:10

I used to go to the cinema by myself. I once went to a comedy evening alone and I heckled the comedian and after he came back at me I heckled him again by asking him out... Needless to say I never got a date lol.

FireTruckOhFireTruck · 16/06/2016 15:49

Yes, I do. I sometimes take a day off just to potter around the house whilst everyone's out!

Original poster

Oldisthenewblack · 16/06/2016 23:30

IrianOfW - yes, birthdays alone are fab. And yet, I always feel somehow inadequate when someone asks me what I did for my birthday and I say "nothing". Actually, that's quite different from you, as you are clearly doing "something" but I just can't be bothered with birthdays - people make such a big deal of them and I just can't find the enthusiasm. It's just another day! It's that pressure to "do something" that grates....

I'm probably not quite such a misery guts as I appear. No, really...

OP posts:

perthmom · 17/06/2016 05:35

I had no idea there were so many people like me! I feel like I'm the only one in the whole world like this - everyone else seems so chatty, loud and social and I never feel like I fit in. I'm nearly 50 and it's only very recently that I've stopped caring that people think I'm very odd. My mother worried about my growing up as I hardly ever went out and partied as a teen - she's very social and she made me worry about myself and think there was something wrong with my brain.

Like a previous poster, if I HAVE to go to a party at someone's house or something, I will always hang out with the dog/cat/children by choice (or do the washing up to get away from everyone).

I literally feel drained and exhausted after any big social event and have quite often needed to spend most of the next day in bed to recover.

I have 2 friends I rarely see and to be honest I would be perfectly happy by myself in a little cottage by the sea and never having to see anyone again. Except the DC, they can come and visit occasionally. And I'd bring the dog. That's my idea of heaven.
I don't even post on mumsnet usually, I just lurk.

JasperDamerel · 17/06/2016 07:14

I usually have a party on the weekend of my birthday, but the day itself is best celebrated alone. Long bath, good book, nice walk, lunch out, and by the time everyone's back at home I'm ready for a nice dinner with DP and the children.

mynamesnotMa · 17/06/2016 07:18

No I'm an introvert in the body of an extrovert. I yearn for my mountain.

ginorwine · 17/06/2016 08:01

I feel like this too and feel so relieved to hear the stories .
Have been like it since was small - used to love building dens and just sitting in them . Pals used to come to see me and I would hope that parents didn't tell them where I was hiding .
I love my dc but struggle with getting time alone and I'm often told by my Dh and Dc but you live in a family when I fight my way to quiet time by asking not to be disturbed and I feel misunderstood and sometimes judged and they do roll their eyes at me . Sometimes I need to be alone do much I too feel it cracks me up as a poster said and my mental health does get affected - have tried to explain to family that I need solitude more than food !
It was ok when dc small as Dh used to take out for a morning - now as teens it is not possible . Have made a little shed at bottom garden to sit in but neighbour is now building one right next to it and I'm having palpitations .
My ds is on gap year with his travel plans cancelled and is at present at home 7 days a week and it is so claustrophobic . It has contributed to being off work with stress to be honest . So given that solitude is bliss and highly valued - how do you get it ? I drive to middle of the countryside . Maybe we can give tips ?!

Original poster

Oldisthenewblack · 17/06/2016 15:34

Shodan - If you don't mind my asking, was your need for solitude the reason for your separation? I am now of the firm opinion that I'm not able to sustain a relationship. It's kind of sad, but also kind of a relief. I like the sound of the cottage, with only cats for company. Cats are fab.

OP posts:

FireTruckOhFireTruck · 17/06/2016 16:47

Weirdly though I dont like sleeping in the house alone!

pallasathena · 17/06/2016 19:14

Totally get it.

ShelaghTurner · 17/06/2016 19:22

Yes yes yes. And I rarely get any time alone. DH has just lost a big contract and although obviously yes it's very worrying, the first thing I realised was that he'd lost his hot desk and would now be at home all week.

I feel utterly tormented if I've been in company for a long time. When I hate it most is the five minutes before I get up I like to think and I can't start the day until I've 'cleared' those thoughts. If I don't get that few minutes to finish thinking it makes me on edge for the rest of the day. Silly isn't it? And I've got into the habit of waking up in the night for a couple of hours just for some solitude.

ZsaZsa1954 · 17/06/2016 19:34

Two live alone and always have, one was married for a while and now lives alone again, and my sister and I have both been married twice and are determined never to marry, or even live with a man again. Growing up we each had our own bedrooms, so we could be sociable if we felt like it and retreat if we didn't

Apart from the being married twice you could be me. Tonight, just like every other Friday, I came home, shut the door and thought that with any luck and necessary interaction in shops apart, thank goodness I don't have to talk to anyone for two days. I've lived alone for years, determined never to live with anyone again after a disastrous foray into marriage - and I love it. Even Christmas alone holds no fears for me.

blowmybarnacles · 17/06/2016 19:48

Skinnydecafflatte Are you me??? I am a childminder and love time to myself. I spend a lot of time carving out little bits of me time. DP works from home a lot and I resent the hours he is home which clash with the hours I don't have children. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the feeing of being so needed when I crave being alone.

On the opposite side to that, I love getting dressed up and going out every once in a while and I'm often the last person out. If I'm out. I'll give it my all. But then I just want to be left alone.

FrikkaDilla · 17/06/2016 19:56

I didn't realise there were so many people like me. I absolutely adore spending time with my DH however I do love when he potters off to bed and I'm left alone on the sofa watching TV.

I love shopping on my own and going to the gym on my own - things that some of my friends don't seem able to do. My idea of a day to avoid would be if a friend wanted to come shopping with me. ( I would love to meet her after for dinner though)

BreakfastAtStephanies · 17/06/2016 21:10

Loner here, married to a loner. I can't tell you how well this works. We spend most evenings watching TV in separate rooms ( different channels ).

I have two close friends. One lives away and I see her about twice a year. The other lives around the corner ( half a mile ? ) and I see her about 5 times a year. I will go to the work Christmas dinner + disco event because it's good fun with people I know well.

I like gardening and reading. Happiness is pottering in the garden by myself ( or with the cat who doesn't chat to me ). Recently I visited an open garden on my own. Next week I am going to a concert on my own. As a pp has said you please yourself and become more introverted as you get older and that is true for me.

honeylulu · 17/06/2016 21:21

I'm married with two children and I love my family inordinately.but on rare occasions they all out and I'm home alone, I am in heaven. Love it.

ZsaZsa1954 · 17/06/2016 21:34

Loner here, married to a loner. I can't tell you how well this works. We spend most evenings watching TV in separate rooms ( different channels )

You've just reminded me. My late aunt (who did a very good impression of being an extrovert) and her husband (who definitely was an introvert) bought a house in France when they retired from running their B&B. Husband had all these interests (it was a bit like having Einstein as a relative) - he renovated and rebuilt from scratch their house and a barn for guests - and they loved inviting family to stay. One night we were all three in their sitting room reading - fire crackling away and the only sound that and the turning of pages and the occasional murmur of' anyone want some tea?' The only way I can describe it was being with people who understand you completely and who you understand in the same way.

ginorwine · 18/06/2016 12:31

I got up at 5 this am to be alone ! Was 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄

nokidshere · 18/06/2016 14:34

I love being alone Thankfully I work from home part time and my DH & 2 teenage DC's share a love of sport that keeps them out for hours so I get to indulge my love of quiet fairly frequently these days.

When the children were small I used to offer to go shopping for everything and then sit in the store carpark for ages before going home haha

Original poster

Oldisthenewblack · 18/06/2016 15:05

Whenever I have anyone around (rare as hen's teeth) I'm really antsy until they leave. They, on the other hand, always seem really relaxed and reluctant to bugger off. How awful to live with someone and know THEY'RE NOT GOING TO LEAVE

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8