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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Any others who truly prefer to be alone?

182 replies

Oldisthenewblack · 13/06/2016 15:18

Just that. I can only completely relax when I'm totally alone and there's no prospect of anyone bothering me any time soon. I prefer my own company, and don't like watching films, TV programmes with others. I've always been like this and it doesn't bother me. It only bothers me when other people insist it's odd, and try to pressure me into being a person I'm not. I live alone and am more than happy with this; think it would kill me to have to share a space with someone else!

So, I'm just hoping to hear from others who perhaps feel the same. To reassure me that I'm not the only one Grin

OP posts:
Backingvocals · 15/06/2016 20:35

I've found my people - but I'm pretending I haven't so I can carry on being on my own Grin

Total introvert here. I can put on a good song and dance routine for social events at work but I'd rather be on my own. I'd be fine on a desert island (as long as there was a comfortable villa there for me to live in!) I could go months without company I reckon.

I definitely need a lot of time on my own to recharge the energy I've lost from being with people.

Original poster
Oldisthenewblack · 15/06/2016 20:42

It's interesting to hear how many of you cite your mental health in needing time alone. Mentioning 'cracking up' - oh yes Grin I can feel mine taking a definite nosedive if I don't get my quota (which is 99.999% of the time) I never crave company and as previous posters have mentioned, it seems to be getting worse as I get older.

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 15/06/2016 20:44

This is really interesting. My Dh is like this and absolutely loves it if I take the kids away for the weekend. He doesn't see anyone and seems to need the solitude. He struggles with two noisy children and one noisy wife.

If I had a weekend without my Dh and kids - not yet happened - I'd fill it with seeing friends! Maybe a morning to myself. I enjoy my own company but don't have enough time to see the people I love. Spending time with people gives me energy - if I spend an evening at a friend's and come home at midnight, it totally sets me up for the week.

Marmalade85 · 15/06/2016 20:44

I felt I was cracking up after being stuck on a busy maternity ward for two very long nights and days post c-section. Ended up arguing with all of the midwives to discharge me because I felt I was literally losing my mind.

tibbawyrots · 15/06/2016 20:48

I love being alone. I can do something, read, knit, crochet, paint.
Or not. Lay on the bed daydreaming.

I don't often get the chance. I work from home and when I finish work, OH is there. I love him but crave time alone - hence long baths.

Findmuck · 15/06/2016 21:07

I'm on my own now, H works away during the week & DS works night shifts. I need this time to unwind and relax otherwise I feel stressed.
Thank you all for making me feel normal Grin

Hagothehills · 15/06/2016 21:11

Ah I have found my people!

I love being alone, in fact when I was in primary school, the teachers came to my parents with concerns that I was struggling to make friends because I would read in a quiet spot in the playground instead of play with the other kids. The teacher didn't realise that this was entirely by choice but my parents (who are also both quite introverted) reassured her.
15 years later I'm the same. I have two friends not including dp, who I love dearly and this is the perfect number for me.
I see each of them around once a fortnight and my mum once a week. I'm a sahm and this is more than enough socialising for me. In fact I have on occasion pulled a sicky on a social event, not because I don't want to go exactly, but because I have used up my people energy for week or whatever and even the thought of company is exhausting.
DS is 2.5 and goes to nursery two half days a week. That time does my mental health the world of good it's like my little sanctuary Grin
I'm currently sitting alone downstairs with dp and DS in bed. I have classic FM on. It's bloody lovely :)

Shodan · 15/06/2016 21:28

Another introvert here too!

H and I are in the process of separating and he said to me that he had come to believe that our relationship would probably never have made the distance as my need for solitude is as necessary to me as food and drink.

He's probably right, too. I'm one of six siblings and out of all six, only one has stayed married (but has no social circle whatsoever). Two live alone and always have, one was married for a while and now lives alone again, and my sister and I have both been married twice and are determined never to marry, or even live with a man again. Growing up we each had our own bedrooms, so we could be sociable if we felt like it and retreat if we didn't.

This whole business of sharing my space every evening is exhausting, tbh. H rarely went out so my only alone time was in the bath- and even then he could never understand why I got cross when he repeatedly popped in to ask questions. He used to say that he wouldn't mind if the situation were reversed, so couldn't understand why I minded!

I reckon I'll end up in a cottage with too many cats and no other people around, except visits sometimes from the DC. And very nice it will be too Grin

foursillybeans · 15/06/2016 21:34

Nope my best days are when I am on my own and no one knows where I am and can't harass me. Pure peace and quiet.

gooddays · 15/06/2016 21:40

Ooh I love time on my own , as pp have said it wears me out being around people all day, even with family & DP I need some time just not talking & in my own thoughts (I grew up in quiet house & spent a lot of time on my own) it annoys me very much when peep try & talk to me when I'm wanting my own space. I have lived with DP for around 18 years so he should know me by now, have one DS whom seems content with his own company too. So much easier doing things on my own aswel haven't got to fit in with anybody.

gooddays · 15/06/2016 21:49

and relaxing in my PJs

Totally get this I even lay them out before I go out for an evening in that lovely anticipation of coming home & slipping them on & relaxing

HormonalHeap · 15/06/2016 21:55

This is such a liberating thread. I know not one other person like me. Whenever I've confided in someone that I like my own company and don't need anyone else, I get looks of pity. Where are u all in RL?? I'm married to someone highly sociable but who's company i'm relaxed in. Next weekend is a spa weekend with dh's business partner and wife. Lovely people but a whole weekend is too much for me. I also like my cats!!!

lovevintagecrap · 15/06/2016 22:37

This is my spiritual home!

It tooke a while to make the link between my mental health and lack of time alone. The lightbulb moment came when I realised that I always feel really anxious, low and stressed at the end of school holidays. Lack of space and time alone really does affect me badly.

Like other posters, I come up to bed early, purely to be alone. My door is currently firmly closed!

I love my family very dearly, but I do love it when DH takes the kids out. I lock the door and have actually smiled in relief at being in an empty house.

morningtoncrescent62 · 15/06/2016 22:54

Where are u all in RL??

At 11pm? We're all in bed Grin

glassgarden · 15/06/2016 22:54

Where are u all in RL
at home alone or off somewhere alone, keeping a low profile and generally giving the (false) impression that there are very few loners
truth is we are numerous, but we all are hidingWink

the extroverts by contrast are putting themselves about loudly and making it seem as if there are many more of them than there actually are!

Hagothehills · 15/06/2016 23:02

About to begrudgingly end my alone time and go to bed. Still needs must DS will be bouncing on my bed shouting wake up mummy in 7 hours...

MC1R · 15/06/2016 23:29

I'm autistic - although I like people a great deal, I could never live with one! ;)

Pretending to be normal is exhausting and I need a lot of down time after work otherwise I will rapidly crack up.

HumpMeBogart · 16/06/2016 01:59

I've always been like this since being tiny. I used to hide away at my own birthday parties and take books to other kids' parties. I'm still the one who disappears at social gatherings to find a cat or a child to hang out with Smile.

My childhood was awful because my Mum is an extrovert (literally can't spend an evening alone) who believes introverts are 'weird' and 'unnatural' etc etc Hmm (I've realised over the years she's just jealous that I'm happy in my own company!)

Interesting that so many of you are in relationships and have kids. I always assumed I'd end up alone because I don't think I could live with someone full-time...

But where did you meet your OHs? Introverts Anon meetings??

MyFriendsCallMeOh · 16/06/2016 02:13

Me! I like people and have lots of friends but often crave time alone. Luckily I work by myself from home. Dh travels so while I love him being here, the peace when I'm totally alone (dcs in bed) is wonderful. I'll never pass up or not appreciate time with him or the dcs (or friends) but relish alone time.

I remember looking at atlases when I was about 10, identifying all the remote islands I would live on - still dreaming!

JasperDamerel · 16/06/2016 07:59

HumpMe, your post (and some of the others on here) made me really sad, and very grateful for my fellow introvert parents. It's terrible that your own family made you feel as though there was something wrong with you.

I met DP at the pub when we both went for drinks with a mutual friend. I have lots of friends and an active social life. I just turn down around 2/3 of invitations because I need my alone time. Recent places I've made new friends have been at Crossfit, through taking part in dance classes and performances, through volunteering and political activism and through my children. I do reccomend only having relationships with fellow introverts, though. It means that your need for alone time tends to be assumed as something obvious, rather than something to have to explain and negotiate.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 16/06/2016 08:11

I,like a lot of my own company, too. Nowt wrong with it. Only the sort of people who need company/other people all the time, do tend to think there's something wrong with you. I've had to point this out to a family member who's completely the other way, that it's not 'weird' or unnatural not to want to socialise all the time.

I don't like big dos where I know I will hardly know anybody, and now I'm older I don't mind saying I'd rather not go. Found a kindred spirit in an ex colleague who simply said she hated parties and just wouldn't go to any! Funnily enough we share the same birthday - although I'm one of nature's sceptics I do often think there might be something in star signs after all...

AllegraWho · 16/06/2016 08:23

Unsurprisingly, I met my OH online...

MLGs · 16/06/2016 08:24

I feel that way too. The most testing thing about being a parent for me has been the constant interaction and never being alone.

Lokisglowstickofdestiny · 16/06/2016 08:36

This is me! Love my own company. I have 2 close friends outside of the family and that's enough for me. When I'm on holiday with DH and DD I often take myself away for a couple of hours a day to be on my own, love them dearly but constant companionship gets on my nerves.

Noregretsatall · 16/06/2016 10:44

Toots - I also spent my birthday alone this year, browsing the book shops in Charing Cross Road, London and in the afternoon I went to a concert. Alone. Bliss! Best birthday ever! Smile

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