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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Any others who truly prefer to be alone?

182 replies

Oldisthenewblack · 13/06/2016 15:18

Just that. I can only completely relax when I'm totally alone and there's no prospect of anyone bothering me any time soon. I prefer my own company, and don't like watching films, TV programmes with others. I've always been like this and it doesn't bother me. It only bothers me when other people insist it's odd, and try to pressure me into being a person I'm not. I live alone and am more than happy with this; think it would kill me to have to share a space with someone else!

So, I'm just hoping to hear from others who perhaps feel the same. To reassure me that I'm not the only one Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Oldisthenewblack · 15/06/2016 14:32

The Walking Dead. Capital letter fail. Sugar gone to head....

OP posts:
Skinnydecafflatte · 15/06/2016 14:41

I've found my people 😄 I love being on my own, can happily potter in the house for ages. My husband took our two kids away for a long weekend a few months ago, one of the most blissful times I've had in a long while. Went to the cinema, theatre, a huge walk through the woods, the gym all by myself also had a good read, had a long bath. Ate what I wanted, had peace, was so lovely.
I am a really sociable person and I suspect most people would be surprised how much I love being by myself. I had to host a coffee morning a few weeks ago on the one morning of the week that my daughter is at preschool, it was lovely to see them but I resented the fact that 'my weekly three hours' were shared with others. My husband doesn't quite understand but then he is not surrounded by the children all day, I'm a childminder too so am never on my own usually!

Topseyt · 15/06/2016 14:43

I love doing things alone, and given the choice I would rarely socialise (not saying never).

I like being alone in the house and doing just what I want to. I don't view shopping as sociable activity either and want to browse on my own and at my own pace. If I go to a coffee shop I like to sit on my own and read a book, unless I have arranged to meet my DDs and buy them lunch.

Some people probably do think I am weird for it, but I am past caring.

CaoNiMao · 15/06/2016 14:48

I'm like this.

Sometimes the only person who touches me all day is my yoga teacher. I told this to a friend, and her face fell in sympathy, before I told her I like it that way! Grin

Original poster
Oldisthenewblack · 15/06/2016 15:00

Skinnydecaf - That long weekend of solitude sounds like bliss Grin Were you happy to see your DH and DC on their return, or did you pretend??

Thing is, with my ex, it was so clear that he envisioned us eventually living together and no matter how much I love someone, that is NEVER going to happen. Oh my lord, no. He just didn't get it. I can appreciate how others would want that, so why can't others appreciate that I don't? They're all mad, mad, I tell you.....

OP posts:
LHReturns · 15/06/2016 15:16

Oh I love all of you. Definitively my people (and lots of people wouldn't guess this about me).

OP I especially identify with needing to know that there aren't any interruptions likely in the near future when I am enjoying my quiet time.

I rarely answer the phone when alone. I hate staying with other people - house parties or hen weekends are genuinely my idea of torture.

Having a baby nearly sent me over the edge (and did have PND) because of the lack of space and quiet. The agony of knowing I would never come back to an empty house again (DH and I only moved in together when DS was 5 months old).

Since having a toddler my DH and I have had to find ways to maintain my mental health, and it includes I have an entire room to myself and I sleep there alone often. Nothing wrong with our sex life, I just love 'retiring' to the room now call my 'salon'!!

TooManyButtons · 15/06/2016 15:20

I've truly found my people. DD is off to uni in September, and while I'll miss her terribly, I'm looking forward to all the time alone I'll get. Just me and the dogs. Bliss.

IrianOfW · 15/06/2016 15:22

Yes. I love my own company. I love books, listening to music and podcasts, running ,gardening, photography ....all of which activities are far better alone. I force myself to see other people in the same way as others take multivitamins...because it's good for them!

I love my family very much but sometimes I'd prefer to love them from afar Grin

LordoftheTits · 15/06/2016 15:44

Me too, I'm massively introverted. DH is to an extent but it has taken him years to understand that I NEED to go away and watch Netflix in the other room for a while before bed. I don't particularly like sitting watching movies with him and would rather slob about by myself. He works Saturdays while I'm off and it's my time to sit on the sofa and not move for five hours.

He's not very sociable and rarely goes out so I secretly jumped for joy when he told me that he'd bought a season ticket for the football as it means he'll be out of the house more Blush

I'm a terrible wife, aren't I??

Toddzoid · 15/06/2016 15:53

Yup, happy independent introvert over here. People think I'm weird, don't give a shit. Go to the cinema on my own every week, go drinking alone sometimes, love nothing more than putting my earphones in and going for a long walk alone. I spend a lot of time alone in fact. When my DC are in bed that is MY time to be alone, watch films/documentaries, read etc. I love my time, it's precious and necessary for my mental health actually.

I went to therapy a few years ago for my crippling anxiety and depression. The therapist tried telling me I needed to get out and socialise more. She was right that I needed to leave the house more but definitely not the socialising. I find people to be exhausting. My best friend came to stay over at Christmas and after maybe the first two days I was totally drained counting down the days till he left Grin. I love him with all of my heart but even he does my head in after a while... Find it hard to live with a partner too hence marriage breakdown. He mostly didn't appreciate me not wanting to attend social events with him. They're my worst nightmare!! I'm fine one on one, maybe a group of four at the maximum but when we're talking about a big social occasion, I just fall to pieces.

glassgarden · 15/06/2016 16:01

I can only completely relax when I'm totally alone
I live alone and am more than happy with this; think it would kill me to have to share a space with someone else!
I am exactly like this
you are not alone OP......well you are, but you are not alone in seeking to be alone:o

IrianOfW · 15/06/2016 16:13

It has taken me most of my adult life to accept that I am not weird, and that there is nothing wrong with me. I used to fret about not having heaps of friends or a frantic social life even though when I did have one I didn't enjoy it. Now I am perfectly content. In fact I love meeting new people and I chat quite happily - but it's when the aquaintance turns to friendship that it becomes hard work and I stop enjoying it.

Noregretsatall · 15/06/2016 16:13

Ah! And I thought I was the only 'weirdo' for preferring to be alone. It's so reassuring to see I'm not! Actually, it's only recently that I've felt comfortable in my own skin for being this introverted. Before, I would have felt 'odd' and forced myself to get out and about with friends more because that was 'normal' and what I was supposed to do! Now I realise that this is who I am and it's fine to feel like this and prefer to be alone, I'm just sad that is has taken me so long to feel comfortable about who I am. I literally HATE going anywhere unless it's shopping by myself. Weddings do my head in. Company, even with family and good friends, tires me. Next week is my daughter's graduation which I'm looking forward to but looking forward even more to getting home and relaxing in my PJs with a book.

IrianOfW · 15/06/2016 16:16

We have a BBQ to got to Saturday evening. I am not looking forward to it at all - nice people, food will probably be lovely but I'd much rather be at home going to bed early ready for my race on Sunday.

morningtoncrescent62 · 15/06/2016 16:26

I rarely answer the phone when alone.

Oooh, I've never come across anyone else who does this! I love living on my own: I'm like several others on this thread, I'm happy to socialise with others and I quite like the company of working in a big office, but I love, love love being able to completely relax and recharge in my own space at the end of the day. It's just not the same if anyone else is around. And my very favourite thing is going on holiday on my own. I have two adult DDs and although I love them dearly, I'm very pleased that neither of them wanted to come back and live at home after university!

tigerdick · 15/06/2016 16:48

Same same!

I do take care to nurture friendships and relationships but I find it drains me to the point of exhaustion. I pretty much need the entire weekend to recover from spending the week with humans at work!

OracleofDelphi · 15/06/2016 16:56

See, most people who know me would say Im a massive extrovert. Ill chat to anyone and am always sociable when Im out with friends.... But thats not actually what Im really like. In order to be that way i need a lot of solitude. DH is away this weekend and I cant wait for the kids to be in bed and me not to have to say another word until morning!

I, like others above feel my mental health declines if Im deprived of time alone. One of my BF would rather go and stay at someone elses house if her DH is away....!

I have to go to bed alone too - DH is very accommodating as he likes to stay up late so it works well..... I love being by myself

KayTee87 · 15/06/2016 17:01

I love spending fine by myself and the only other person I can really spend a lot of time with is my husband (which is lucky haha).

KayTee87 · 15/06/2016 17:01

Time*

KnitFastDieWarm · 15/06/2016 17:15

I'm a very loud, confident and sociable introvert. I adore my friends and am always busy, but I NEED time to myself to recharge, every day. After dh and ds go to bed, that's my time...sofa, knitting, podcasts, bliss!

MaQueen · 15/06/2016 17:21

Me too.

Generally I am actually very sociable, and love getting together with friends. I have a reputation for usually getting the party started, so to speak...

But I have to have plenty of time alone, too. If I don't I start to feel stressed and tense, to the point of almost feeling tearful at times.

When the DDs were toddlers, DH was often away on business, overnight. I used to look forward to this because I'd get the DDs both bathed and in bed by 7pm, then I would just contentedly potter around the house all evening, in blissful solitude.

This morning I did a quick tidy round and did some laundry, but have since spent the last 5 hours peacefully ensconced on the sofa in the study, reading, napping and browsing the Internet. Total silence in the rest of the house...bliss.

Notonaschoolnight · 15/06/2016 17:25

I'll go to London with oh he'll go to the rugby and I'll have 10hours around London on my own I've been all over and seen all sorts I absolutely love it yet everyone I know pulls a face and would never do but I'll bet all of you kindred spirits would

The only thing I don't like is I'd love to go for a lovely lunch and I haven't got the bottle so i just go to a John Lewis type place in my comfort zone

BaryMerry · 15/06/2016 17:25

Yep, I totally get this too. I'm an introvert married to an extrovert and I think DH sort of understands that I need space sometimes but I don't think he truly gets the extent of how much I need it sometimes to stay mentally well. I think he thinks I should want to spend all my spare time with him and the DDs - whereas I try to take as many opportunities as possible to be alone, or find a few minutes of headspace if everyone is at home eg pottering in the garden, going for a walk.

In my ideal world I would work at home all day with only a small dog for company, then I think I could manage all the family time. As it is I work PT so cherish the days off as much as possible to do my own thing and enjoy some time completely alone and guilt-free. I'm dreading the summer holidays when I get much less alone time - I really struggle when it's a constant cycle of work/family with no downtime.

BaryMerry · 15/06/2016 17:27

Irian you're me! I have exactly the same interests, for exactly the same reasons! Grin

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 15/06/2016 17:29

I am completely the opposite, and this thread is fascinating. I live on my own and can work from home and spent as much time on my own as I like, but I'm powered by other people. Being on my own for too long makes me sad. Sometimes I even run chores with other people just for the company.

I do have introverted moments but i tend to have a shower or put a tv programme on so I don't need to make conversation - then it passes pretty quick and I'm back to feeling energised by others.

The idea of people preferring to be on their own for longer than about an hour is totally alien to me!

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