to find the buzz-phrase 'attachment parenting' and the way it's thrown around fucking annoying?!

[hearthattack]

Don't get me wrong. Attachment theory has lead to massive positive developments in the way we understand and therefore respond to infants and their mothers. I've worked with young people who have experienced truly poor attachment with care givers and seen the damage it can do. And seen kids with great attachment thrive. BUT.

'Attachment Parenting' seems to have become a pseudonym for never spending a moment physically detached from your child, meeting every single one of their demands however impracticable and never saying 'No'. I come across so many mums who call themselves 'Attachment Parents' and seem to see this label as a justification for why their nine year old still sleeps in their bed.

How many people who bandy this trendy phrase around have actually ready any of Bowlby's work from which current theories of attachment derive? Or have balanced this with Winnicott's theory of the 'good enough mother' and see how intrinsically linked they are?

Mothers don't need some Psychologies Magazine lite psychological theory to make each other feel guilty, inadequate or smug. There's enough of that going on in motherhood as it is.

I bet in 10 years or so people will look back at this trend and wonder why so many people busted their arses to achieve something so far on the pendulum swing of parenting styles.

Anyone with me?

:) I nannied for an 'attachment parenting' family and by the time the child was 3.5 he was literally running the house hold.

Fo example, I'd turn up to babysit some nights so the parents could go out for a drink and if he said he didn't want them to go they would just send me back home again!!

They also wouldn't allow anyone to say no to him which made for interesting times when he wanted to use the fruit machines in the pub and they had to break into a 20 pound note to get him a bundle of pound coins for the fruit machine (aged 3.5)

The child's teeth were rotting out of his head because he was never made to brush them and he had aggressive tendencies.

The piety with which these mad parents would spout about AP was laughable.

My own DH and his exP had their daughter in the bed until she was 8 years old and now she's 10 her mum still does, my step child is no better adjusted than the children whom I teach at school, in fact she has social interaction problems and is quite an unfriendly, fussy spoilt child.

I understand attachment theory as my degree was in early years and we learnt a lot about brain development and the importance of attachment but I do find that the types of people who lean really heavily on self-help parenting books are so far removed from their intuition that they go to misguided extremes and make misinterpretations of what is essentially a very natural thing.

I breastfeed, co-sleep, use a sling did BLW, don't do time outs etc. but that isn't because I'm an attachment parent (although I have read Bowlby's attachment theory!). I just do what feels right for us, I totally hate the smug "I'm an attachment parent" attitude too

I think we are all worst with our first. I remember going into great detail about the various ways to feed a baby to my mum with dd1. She looked at me and said "darling in my day we just called it feeding the baby".

So that's what i do, I feed the baby or in the case of dts, the babies. A wee bit of everything but I'm fooked if I'm microwaving perfectly lovely porridge into hard strips do that I don't have to go near a (whisper it) spoon.

Also agree that the evidence base for BLW is still fairly new and covers fairly small groups. It's just trendy innit?

Just because a baby ate one large meal doesn't mean they do it all the time!! It was just to point out the fact he's not starving because he can't feed himself! Yes some went on the floor but mainly in his mouth. What do you do with a puree? 4 spoonfuls then you've decided baby has had enough?

I'm not sure what I feel like I'm being criticised when all I did was give back to the people saying they must be starving. I'm not criticising how anyone else feeds their children, I don't have to justify how I feed my own!

"and the throwing about of -facts thats probably your beef,"

Yes, fuck facts!

Let's make all discussions about babies a fact free zone.

Or at least those subjects which needle people here - you know, like health and development.

And yes Bertie and I have thrown out the spoons - shoot me now.

It 20 years time there will be new fangled weaning parents who did BLW will be saying in my day was far easier

And yes I'll say my BL baby just like people would say my BF baby - or can you not say that? Is my BF baby a label? Is it just my 'fed baby'?

minifingerz i know exactly what attachment theroy is and how child devolpment works i just dont bang on about japanese babies or tibetian mothers who carry their babies as if this is evidence that a certain style of parenting is the best ,but you carry on not morally judging parents and pulling faces.

Look unimag I don't want to get in a spat with you. I was just pointing out the contradiction in your first line.

I also don't want to shoot you, what you do with your spoons is your business.

To answer your question: I don't decide when my babies have had enough. They do by shaking their head/ pushing food away/ spitting out or refusing anymore. They're either really advanced it that's what kids have been doing for aeons.

We should all support each other. I just found your tone a little judgemental but it could be because I have four at 5 and under and I'm still learning about this parenting thing.

to you

Ps can I have your spoons? I'll pay the postage

uni may if you have thrown out the spoons how does the baby eat yoghurt? Genuine question!

All I know is I cooked dinner, then we all sat down and ate it together. I like a simple life and it's not because I want to follow a rule book.

I feel people can be very critical of something they have no experience at.

I don't mind when people say they did one with one child and one with another but when you've had no experience of something you really shouldn't past judgement.

Kitchen, what yogurt?

If you don't use spoons at all how does the baby eat wet stuff like yoghurt?

Well he doesn't really??

With BLW there a things called pre loaded spoons where they feed themselves off spoons. I haven't really got the that bit.

I didn't lie, I have 1 spoon and he's des himself with it twice. Everything else is hands- which is so much easier.

Lots of typos. Did lie a little!

I always feel there's a bit of an undertone of "well I worked terribly hard to do the best for my baby, rather than just taking the easy option of shovelling in purée like those lazy parents".

I fail to see how "giving" food for weeks on end is baby-led. I would see it as training the baby, but that's just my opinion and I haven't read the books.

I also take umbrage with the idea that waiting to wean until 26 weeks automatically goes hand in hand with blw. Lots of babies are weaned at 26 weeks onto purées or a combination of purées and finger foods.

Further down thread some said that leaving your child to eat is lazy so clearly you can't win.

Listen it works for us.

God unimag you were the one spouting forth about obesity and people being more open. I do a bit of both types of feeding.

My DS2 is a bloody nightmare at feeding himself and DD2 is a star. I do what works for us and you do what works for you.

I'm not telling you that you're way is going to harm your baby which is what you implied with the mention of obesity. I just wondered what people with a baby like DS2 do. You then started talking about people not having enough patience which felt a bit judgy.

Can we all just calm down a bit, I really don't want to argue with you or put you down.

You sound like a great mum, I'm just uncomfortable with labelling and making assumptions about how other people do things without the full facts.

Peace ?

Baby's develop hand to mouth co ordination at AROUND 26 weeks. They usually sit up AROUND 26 weeks. They also usually loose the tounge thrust AROUND 26 weeks.

So if you want to do BLW is recommended AROUND 26 weeks as they will be able to pick up food, bring it to their mouth and not push it out.

If you want to start purees at 8 months crack on!!!
My friends have done this, mostly out of a fear of choking, some because they wanted to see how much good goes in. One friend doesn't want to clear up mess! Each to their own just do what you want to do! Feed your child liquidises chocolate at 12 weeks of it makes your happy.

Children need to hear the word no, that there are boundaries and expectations of behaviour, it's not an excuse to be lazy and let the kid do what they want. They will be very disappointed as life's not like that, people will say no to them and a whole lot more. I bet their a nightmare to teach, they are the types of untouchable children on the other thread on here about chikdren teasing a teacher until he cried.

Yes peace Bertie

BLW is more about letting the baby decide how much and when to drop their milk feeds. It's not just finger food - so it includes cottage pie, spag bol, salad and curry. They are offered the same food as the rest of the family and if they eat it, great, if not then they just carry on with their milk feeds. Eventually they get the hang of it.

kitchen unit we used to give the DDs the yoghurt and a couple of spoons. They learn how to dip and eat pretty quickly. Then wipe up with a flannel after.

Sorry I fail to see how giving a baby a meal and letting them eat it is not putting in boundaries what a load of crap.

Also most babies are in actuality solid food by 8/9 months aren't they? So it's an even playing field then??

Unless you feed a child puree till 5 to make sure they have boundaries.

Pooka your wasting your breathe. It's lazy parenting to let your baby feed themselves