to find the buzz-phrase 'attachment parenting' and the way it's thrown around fucking annoying?!

[hearthattack]

Don't get me wrong. Attachment theory has lead to massive positive developments in the way we understand and therefore respond to infants and their mothers. I've worked with young people who have experienced truly poor attachment with care givers and seen the damage it can do. And seen kids with great attachment thrive. BUT.

'Attachment Parenting' seems to have become a pseudonym for never spending a moment physically detached from your child, meeting every single one of their demands however impracticable and never saying 'No'. I come across so many mums who call themselves 'Attachment Parents' and seem to see this label as a justification for why their nine year old still sleeps in their bed.

How many people who bandy this trendy phrase around have actually ready any of Bowlby's work from which current theories of attachment derive? Or have balanced this with Winnicott's theory of the 'good enough mother' and see how intrinsically linked they are?

Mothers don't need some Psychologies Magazine lite psychological theory to make each other feel guilty, inadequate or smug. There's enough of that going on in motherhood as it is.

I bet in 10 years or so people will look back at this trend and wonder why so many people busted their arses to achieve something so far on the pendulum swing of parenting styles.

Anyone with me?

Two months into being parents we had ditched all the books and had decided to simply go with the flow. That said, of all books I hated GF with passion and do believe that you shouldn't be writing about children if you have no maternal instincts of your own.
I BF because I was brought up to consider it normal. DD still sleeps with us, largely because DH travels a lot so she was between two beds anyway (apparently she doesn't want Mam to be scared in the night on her own, conveniently forgetting there's normally a cat or two keeping me company too). She eats healthy stuff and loves chocolate and when she eats ice-cream it's a portion I wouldn't manage myself. She is self-confident, happy even though she was brought up to obey STOP and NO first and get an explanation later. Had barely any tantrums because they're no fun when her parents use a kid's tantrum to read a book or a magazine.
However, fist and outmost, we learned not to judge. As long as you are not bringing up your child to be a fucking bully or a little sacred bunny afraid to try anything new, you are a good parent.

scared bunny even though it's sometimes interchangeable

Yeah, AP is all about total maternal sacrifice and mothers having no needs/time/life of their own. Clearly I have been imagining my full-time job, nights spent away from my child, and all that AP stuff about the importance of balance - the true AP experts are the anti-AP people pn here.

I give up. If it's that important to you to believe that those mothers over there are awful horrible judgy people who hate you, you carry on with that.

I started reading GF weaning, read the first bit about batch cooking pears in ice cube trays, then introduce some carrot in ice cubes and my heart sunk at what a faff it sounded like.

Baby led weaning = feed them your food when they are awake, low salt, no honey ..... Off you go!

Haven't read any books about the benefits although I've picked up that they learn to chew before swallowing.

It's great fun, happy baby, happy mummy. That's all that matters, I don't care if it has a label or not or of people think I'm poncy. I've only just got over the BF vs bottle comments from people for 8 months I don't need anything else!

I refuse to be judged. I was brought up in an AP way, as was my father in the 1920s.
It's nothing new. I hadn't even heard the thetermr AP until my second was born and realised it's the way our family parent.
I don't care what others do, I don't judge them either.

Good for you pearly

Oh that comment could look passive aggressive didnt mean it sarcasticly was a genuine compliment

Far from being a martyr AP for me was often easiest. No complicated routine for babies, no tears at bedtime ever, no weaning foods. My babies ate from my plate when they started to eat solids at at time of their choosing.
Easy.

You are not wrong OP. Ultimately my conclusion is if you need a label or a 'system' it's coming from a place of insecurity - and the same insecurity comes into play when the AP types come on to judge those who are looking for sleep solutions for example.

Having all said that, the insecurity is perfectly understandable in a world where parenting has become so high stakes and the traditional sources of parenting knowledge (extended family/community) have been weakened and undermined.

In conclusion, it's a tough time to be a parent. Parenting 'gurus' who fundamentally exist to sell books aren't making it easier for anyone.

A bit off tangent but my twins (ds2 and dd2) just chuck everything on the floor when given it to feed themselves but clear the bowl when I feed them. I make everything from scratch and I go a bit if BLW but I am partial to a spoon.

Folk who BLW exclusively, are your kids not starving because mine are much more grumbly when I fill their tray with stuff as opposed to feeding them.

Ds2 in particular often just refuses to even pick the food up (although will pick up Lego/ coins -basically anything dangerous and put it in his mouth!) .

You're going to chuck me off for derailing this thread or helpfully direct me to a BLW thread aren't you

No my kids didn't starve with blw, food was available if they wanted to eat.
Up to the age of 12 months milk remains the primary food for babies anyway.
My kids were always keen to join in family meals.

Mine never put anything in his mouth objects or food until he was nearly 2. I don't think it would have been possible to do blw with him but I can see blw is less faffing about.

I guess it's horses for courses. I hear what you're saying about food being available if they want to eat but in our family the reality doesn't reflect the theory. DD2 is quite good and gets stuck in but DS2 stares at me, ignores the food and then screams half an hour after mealtime as he is starving.

My older two were mainly spoon fed and have a fantastic attitude to food and are never forced to finish anything so I'll just muddle on.

Honking, it's always nice to know someone has been in your shoes and has come out the other side-you've made me feel better

Sarah Ockwell-Smith seems a nasty piece of work , criticising parents for wanting a diagnosis of they child's "Aspergers, ASD Spectrum, ADHD/ADD, Dyspraxia". She doesn't seem to realise that unless a child has a formal diagnosis schools aren't able to offer the necessary support. Surely a person who goes through life with severe dyspraxia but no diagnosis is far more likely to have low self esteem than one who knows they have a disability? Autistic people have always been with us, just fifty years ago were just constantly criticised for being different. I'm very glad my DC was diagnosed young enough to get the right help.

If you want someone to back up your argument hearthattack I'd not refer to some ignorant blogger who is dumb enough to be a homeopath and yet still think she can criticise other parents.

Mine will cling about 80% of what's in front of him and eat the other 20%.

If we are out and about, he can't be flinging food everywhere. He gets a bowl!

If I'd let him be exclusively blw from when we started we'd have been in trouble - he was underweight, he needed the food to go in him.

As with everything, there's no One True Path. Blw works fabulously for some, not so great for others. Or it can work well orbit for the same baby at different life stages/situations etc. What worked for us may not work for others.

I've had a few people criticise me for starting solids early and spoon feeding. It posses me off hugely. What the fuck was I supposed to do? Apparently I should have let him explore the food at his own pace... said person had no answer to how that would have lead to him eating enough to get back on the weight curves...

On the main point, I wanted to breastfeed my children for at least a year as it was clear that the evidence pointed to that as a good choice. I was even given a leaflet on healthy and safe bedsharing by my midwives, as this was before the SIDS panic took over common sense, and the message over-wrote the actual facts, which were clear: that planned bedsharing with a breastfeeding mother is safe if you follow the guidelines.
Breastfeeding is the biological norm, as is sleeping with your babies, but not under a thick duvet.
I did these terms but I still hated the term "attachment parenting" as so much twaddle came with it.
I used cloth nappies as they are better for the environment. I always failed to see what they had to do with parenting, and why it was supposedly 'better for my baby'. Better for the planet, yes, but that's a different thing.
And never, never trust a homeopath. Your baby is at far more danger from one of these who think you should never vax or take drugs.

Zaurack I like that "no one true path"-sums up parenting I think

Coming back to the word "crunchy" - apparently it is used in contrast with "silky" parenting, there is a fun quiz you can do here:
www.gotoquiz.com/how_silky_are_you

I guess i must be a crunchy parent.
No formula, sling, co sleeping. I don't punish.

My BLW baby has just demolished an adult sized dinner, certainly not starving!

You have to be patience at first and start over 6 months, there isn't this dream that you just present them with a meal and they wolf it down. It took 5 weeks of giving food and him learning what he had to do.

Please are so quick with the 'they never picked it up' or it just goes on the floor comments!

We have an obsession with feeding our babies when all they need is milk! In a society of obesity maybe people should be more open,

So you're worried about obesity and boasting that your child just demolished an adult sized dinner?

Not all people are too quick to dismiss BLW most people do what works for them. I am so tired of the judgement.

I have had 4 children in 4 years and I am doing what works for us. I mix it up, some BLW and some spoon feeding.

It's the labelling that drives me crackers. "My BLW baby" what does that even mean? Have you thrown out the spoons?

Sorry if I seem a bit harsh but I find the pontificating about "some people" judgemental in the extreme.

Labelling: 'my BL baby' feels different to me than 'my baby, who was weaned mostly in a BLW way'.

I know it's semantics, and not something to get in a huff over, but in pondering why some of these parenting labels rub me up the wrong was so much, I wonder if this is at the nub of it.

One is a description of what you do. A behaviour. It's totally cool to say that you disagree or dislike someone's particular behaviour.

The other is an identity. And if someone doesn't share that identity the assumption must be that they have another. Criticising someone's identity makes them feel crappy (I am of course guilty of this sometimes, as are most of us I expect).

So in response to a fellow mum recommending a technique you wouldn't choose to use " I don't want to try that, we like the attachment parenting type stuff" gets my back up way less than "I don't want to try that, I'm an Attachment Parent".

Just trying to work out what my beef actually is. It certainly isn't with most AP type methods as a lot of them are things I do myself.

BLW and Milk till 1 is a bit new isnt it ? Will take a lot of research to see if it works

Its the smuggery the sneeriness and the throwing about of -facts thats probably your beef,

Oh and i would worry about a baby wolfing down an adult sized dinner