AIBU to want to protect my Dad's money?

[Dazedandconfused28]

My DH and I are in the process of buying a house - a large proportion of the deposit being inheritance from my Dad - who died when I was much younger. The money has only just been released after the sale of his property.

Whilst we are very happily married, I feel that it would be foolish not to protect this sum of money, more so because I feel like it is my Dad's. We plan to split the mortgage repayments 50/50 - and we've both saved towards the remainder of the deposit & associated costs. We don't yet have children together.

The problem is whenever I have tentatively raised the subject of protecting just that sum of money (with say, a written declaration of trust) he becomes incredibly offended and says I'm acting as though this is my property, not ours - which is not how I feel at all. I'd welcome your thoughts on this matter! AIBU?

Cheers.

Gosh. I inherited a 6 figure sum which I put into our house purchase. I very purposefully didn't do what you wanted, we are a couple and everything is shared. He has been the sole breadwinner a number of times in recent years, should he have protected that money?

I was about to tell you YABU, but since he doesn't want joint finances and used his own inheritance for himself, That would put me on the fence a bit in this case.

In my own circumstances, I see all money as family money and the house we live in as the family house. DH puts his salary into the joint account, and I put my inheritance in there too. We used it to benefit ourselves longterm as a family, not as individuals.

Flogg The estate hasn't been dissolved and won't be by the solicitor until she divorces. The big difference her DH has a drug addiction which is well documented through the various treatment facilities he has attended over the years. I would be flabbergasted if a judge decreed that any of the money should go to him because she has been a SAHP and sums involved are large enough to generate a generous income, plenty to support her for the rest of her life.

OP - Just go and see a solicitor plus speak to the solicitor handling your Dads estate. You need legal advice and then relationship advice. Personally, I want to protect myself and my DC. If that means having an awkward conversation now so be it. It is better to know exactly where you stand upfront than finding out in the future when your innocent DC will be affected.

As for all of these people who are saying they would be offended, I think you are being extremely unreasonable. An inheritance is distinctly different to earned income in that it is gifted to an individual in a will, not a couple. A lottery winning ticket is purchased with income earned during the marriage so it should be shared. If that ticket was purchased before marriage the proceeds belong to the person who purchased the ticket as they would be purchasing that ticked with their own money.

The UK law regarding division of assets upon divorce is a big reason why I would not be married if living in the UK and not having children. Then again, I am also talking to another friend going through a divorce right now and she is confused about why she should have term life insurance for her STBXH. He pays maintenance. If he dies she gets NOTHING. If he remarries all assets go to the new spouse and her DC will have nothing. Quite frankly I think she is a fool to not get this insurance as she has spent the past decade as a SAHP and has no means to support her DC without maintenance.

Ah! I see

I'd be offended.

I used my inheritance as the deposit for my house with DP. We decided that he would pay the mortgage each month and split the rest until at least we move again and then reevaluate. He is the higher earner so it's worked out fair to all.

Continuing this theme, our wills both specify that a certain amount of our money in each case is to be put in trust, with interest only for the surviving spouse. This is to protect inherited money from the sale of family homes from any future marriage meaning that money passes, for example, to stepchildren rather than our own children. So if my husband dies and I inherit all his money, some from the sake of his parents' house, I can't remarry, leave the money to my second husband, who could then leave it to his children, rather than ours.

It is a very sensible thing to do.

Thank you for all your comments - of course I believe that in our marriage everything is shared, earnings etc - which is why I'm keen to invest this deposit in our home - so we will both benefit from lower interest rates on our mortgage etc. My concern is if circumstances ever change and we separate.

If I were to ring fence the money DH would still benefit from having been able to buy a property and invest each month by means of a mortgage (which we will both contribute to equally whilst we are both working). Had we not have had the money for the deposit - neither of us would have been able to invest and we would have continued throwing money away on rent.
We both earn exactly the same at this point in time, and when I earned more I paid a higher percentage rent, bills etc. So money earned within the relationship has never been withheld by me - and I would always consider shared.

Having said all of the above - we are both incredibly fortunate to have the opportunity to buy and should be very grateful to my father (who DH never knew sadly) who has essentially gifted us this opportunity - and perhaps even if I come away with half the money he left me in the future I will still be fortunate.

Look, it seems to me that your husband believes in whats his is his, and whats your's is for both of you. I would be very worried about a future with him finances wise. It all just seems to bloody mercenary to be honest.

I would protect your money as best you can. My Dad died earlier this year, my Sister and I were sole beneficiaries much to the disgust of his 2nd wife. She tried to make him change his will on his deathbed. He really didn't know what he was doing by that point so we stood our ground and supported him as his will was several years old. Our issue was that Dad's money was our Mum's money too. She died 13 years ago and didn't get the 'benefit' of those years of saving. Dad had written his will in order to protect his/Mum's money for me and my sister.

My inheritence is a substantial sum and property. I have invested some for DS and will be buying a property for us as a family. But I will protect that property for DS. Of course DP will benefit from the property, us now being completely debt free. And we aren't married.

What I am trying to say in a roundabout way is what if you die first? Your DH inherits everything. He remarries, isn't on the ball financially, pops his clogs and someone else benefits from your Dad's money .

X post with you Abraiid. I absolutely agree. It is a sensible thing to do.

Do you love your husband OP? Do you trust him?

Protect the money 100 percent. Anyone who has said you are being unreasonable has never been in a situation where the partner has fucked off with half the money.

PROTECT THE MONEY.
Continue to love your husband and live happily ever after. It's a piece of paper to use IF you need it. An insurance.

I'm in the opposite situation, my DH paid almost 10x the deposit I did. He inherited it. The way he saw it was he didn't do anything for that money, whereas I'd saved mine myself, working hard to do so.

I think I would have understood but possibly felt resentful and suspicious had he ring fenced it. I've had two children, my body, career and life (ha) is a mess as a result, I've made contributions and sacrifices of other kinds.

Heman-- channeling you!

You just can't tell what would happen if you predecease a spouse. Men, in particular, often remarry or form close relationships very quickly.

I think a solicitor would advise you to take some form of protection in the event of a divorce. Grim but practical.

Does that even work, legally? If you split wouldn't it still count as an asset of the marriage and be divided 50/50?

Anyway, I don't think I'd like it. Seems to be against the point of getting married. FWIW, my first house with OH had my inheritance money put into it and we got a document to ringfence that as we were cohabiting and young and unsure where we were going. Our second house was after we'd got engaged and so we just bought it jointly.

Being asked whether you love and trust your partner is emotive rubbish!

I think most of us who divorced someone they neither loved now trusted did at some point

It's ridiculous to be offended.

If you don't split, and the ring fencing is never activated, then he's not negatively impacted. If you do split, it's proof it was needed.

My money is where my mouth is too - my fiancé will ring fence the life insurance payout from his wife's death. He can trust me, I know that - but he doesn't. He really really believes he can - but he can't know. Just like I could know about my ex husband. I'm not remotely offended.

I don't understand why inheritance is any different to earned income. Your salary is individual, it's just for you. Unless your dad specifically said he didn't want you to share it with Dh in any way, I think yabu.

I would be hurt ( feelings) but would understand it. I just inherited a substantial sum of money and my DH was the one who suggested to put in in a single account and not our joined. Im planning to buy a flat with it and rent it out...

He wants separate finances.

That means separate.

This is your money, and that should be recognised.

Get legal advice about your financial obligations to a recent husband wben yiu have no children and a history of separate finances.

It's not as straightforward as some posters are suggesting.

i would not be offended. I think youre being prudent.