Are you serious i am 15 years old!!!!!

[Ohmygodareyouserious]

As the title would suggest my daughter is 15 and in year 10 (4th year old school). I take her I phone off her at 9pm every night (wind down time), she has a 10pm bed time (although with her faffing always more like 10.30) and a curfew when she goes out at the weekend. Last night she exploded, apparently I am the ONLY mother of, not only all of her friends, but the whole of her school, that thinks it is reasonable to treat a 15 year old this way!! She is old enough to regulate her own bedtime, curfew and internet use apparently and everyone else's parents that she speaks to think that I am crazy. I do know that all of her friends are allowed their phones all night as hers is constantly lighting up whenever I go into the kitchen (sometimes at gone midnight) which to me means they are obviously not regulating their use. AIBU? Please tell me that I am not the only one, I am beginning to feel as though she is hard done too.

IMO I think YABU.. She's 15 and more than capable of regulating her own bedtime. Yes she might stay up all night on her phone, once or twice but she'll soon learn to not do it when she has to get up in the morning.
At that age I went to bed at a certain time but not expected to sleep, it was just to give my parents some privacy. I would use my phone for an alarm and learnt to be responsible for waking myself up for school and work. :)

The thing is, if you micromanage a 15 year old (bedtimes, confiscating electronics etc) at what point are they going to learn to self-regulate? At 18 when they arrive at university? Recipe for disaster.

It also demonstrates a ridiculous lack of trust to be taking articles away from a 15 year old.

A 'bedtime' for a 15 year old is very ridiculous a little odd

When do you stop the bedtime though? It seems to be pretty common on here that 13 and 14 year olds have bedtimes. Do you just give them free reign at 15?

I admire you but couldn't stand the angst if I did this.

Could you not meet half-way by letting her have the phone but switching off the wi-fi?

I think by 15 they should be able to set their own bedtimes, but obviously if you see she's regularly staying up way too late then reversing that. Could you agree with letting her set her own bedtimes for a week and see how responsible she is? If she isn't, then you revert to plan A, but if she is good, then you give her a longer trial?

I think YABU, actually.

I wasn't 15 all that long ago. I had a mobile and a computer in my room. My parents didn't take either of them off me at a certain time. I don't know anyone whose parents did.

I had to be in my room by a certain time (normally anywhere between 10-10.30pm) and then so long as I was quiet, I could do what I wanted. I was normally asleep by 11pm, to be fair, and up at 7.30am for school. Occasionally I stayed up too late. I paid the price the next day and eventually I self-regulated.

15 is old enough to self-regulate. She's the one who'll be tired the next day. Besides, if she's staying up 1/2 hours past you taking her phone off her, it's obviously not the phone keeping her awake, she's not tired. You can't force someone to go to sleep!

But I know that's not a popular opinion on here and everyone else will take their DC's phones/iPads/laptops/etc. off them at 8/9pm.

It depends on the child I guess. Dd found it hard to self regulate at 14, but by 15 she was able to. At 16 she is usually asleep by 10 on a school night.
She started getting headaches and had an eye test last year the optician told her that she should be off her screens half an hour minimum before bed. This really stuck with DD.

When I was DD's age I was allowed to stay out until the last bus at 10:30. I would then watch TV until 3 or 4 in the morning. I was and still am incapable of self regulating. DH has to tell me to go to bed now and I am 35!

All ours have to leave gadgets downstairs at night - they're Y12, Y10 and Y8. They also have set bedtimes with half an hour before being gadget free. We're working on that one as one or other of them seems to be testing the boundaries!

We've explained our reasonings and they accept them, a bit begrudgingly at times. We've also told them that we don't give a flying fiddle what their friends are doing - we're not raising them

There are some things we're stricter about and others more lax. Swings and roundabouts.

I wasn't 15 all that long ago. I had a mobile and a computer in my room.

I'm 45 and I have neither in my room. Don't charge my ipads in my room either. We have a TV in there but I unplug it every night.

Bedtimes are...

Y8 - 9pm
Y10 - 9:30pm
Y12 - 10:30pm

If they want to negotiate a later bedtime then they'll have to stop moaning about how tired they are. Every day. Holidays or term time.

YANBU. I'm 29 and could do with someone enforcing a bed time and screens off...

You sound very strict and I think a 15yo should have more freedom than that.

on school nights my teens all go upstairs to their rooms at 8.30 - 9pm later at the weekends. I leave it up to them to decide when to put lights off and go to sleep as sometimes they read, do revision/homework etc.

that said they have to get themselves up by 6.30am so they know that they have to be sensible about bedtimes.

I'm 45 and I have neither in my room. Don't charge my ipads in my room either. We have a TV in there but I unplug it every night.

And? I don't really see the relevance in that statement

I'm 27 and currently on holiday from work. I'm in my bedroom, typing on my laptop and watching TV

Kids need SO much sleep and they never want to go to bed. I think you're very wise to have a wind-down time and a set bedtime. Lots of people go to bed at 10pm in order to be able to get up for work in the morning. Kids have even more going on with all the growing and hormones as well as schoolwork and a shedload of pressures from social life, sports, extracurricular activities etc. And at 15, that is all peaking but kids are still kids and need guidance, support, and reminding to do the things they need to.
My daughter has a set bedtime, isn't allowed a computer or tablet in her room, but does have her phone because she listens to audiobooks on it to get to sleep. This thread has made me think maybe we should change that and her phone should be downstairs while she uses her ipod for audiobooks.

My 22 year old daughter hands over her phone at 10!

She realised its a major cause of her terrible sleep patterns that she developed at university. Some nights there's a teen like tussle...

I think there's sense in admitting it's not good for anyone to have their phone on (or anything else electronic) when they're trying to go to sleep, so everyone in the family leaves their phones etc charging downstairs. Does your DD have any problem getting to sleep at all OP?

TBH in our house it's not the kids, it's the DP that needs to be told that and it's good to have the excuse of setting an example to the DC!

I agree though, with mine I never have said "you must be asleep at x time", because I sure as hell can't make myself sleep. You can say low lights, reading or quiet music/book or whatever helps you get to sleep though. Again, it's good for everyone, not just being 15 (or 8 or 48 too!).

I have a 12 14 16 and 18 year olds

I do not take the phones of any of them. Instead we have conversations about sensible phone use and when they can use them etc.

12 year old has a bedtime of 9 lights out by 10 (she doesnt need a lot of sleep never have) Only once have I had to tell her to get off her phone (and this was early on in her being allowed to do so)

14 year old is often in bed by 9 he needs more sleep and knows it. However unlike his sisters he enjoys rising early. Never have I needed to tell him to stop using his phone at 9 he has it set up so it switches the notification sounds off as " it gets really annoying when my friends keep sending me messages"

16 and 18 year old I allow to do as they wish when they wish with phone and internet usage. This has resolved in one or two late nights that they then regretted the next day. However it wasnt a regular pattern so not really a massive pattern they both learnt from it and ultimatly this is what I want them to be able to do. Learn how to make adults decisions.

DH on the other hand mid 50s still can't switch his phone off at night had he and I have had words about him checking it in the middle of the night (and waking me up with the light and noise)

At 15 I think your dd needs to learn to control these things herself and learn from it how to go about it.

Personally my phone stays downstairs each night and if I had my way dh's would too (but no no he NEEEEEEDDSSS it )

I would allow the phone till bedtime, she's a bit old for enforced wind down time. Phone downstairs not in bed is the right thing to do I think.

Her teachers will be thanking you.

My school allows mobiles (although not in lessons) and a lot of teenagers really struggle with this. You can see them compulsively checking their phone in a lesson, their hands twitching to take them out, even otherwise well-behaved kids. The kids who are heavily into social media are constantly online, and in real life only talk to their friends about who said what on snapchat. The bell goes for the end of a lesson and you can see kids immediately checking their phone.
This has got much worse over the last couple of years - noticeably. So people saying 'when I was 15 blah blah' were living in a completely different world to modern teenagers.

I think you are doing her a massive favour to give her some headspace from the online world. She will be missing out on social stuff, but the social stuff is constant and so because of fear of missing out, a lot of teenagers are online all the time. An enforced break is a good thing.

No phones or electronics after a set time is a good idea even for older children. It's better to do it with their agreement though. I have used signed agreements with my DC in the past. They were sort of done in jest but we're sort of serious as well.

I'm not sure about a set bedtime at that age. My DC didn't have them at that age but they were OK in the mornings.

I've never been bothered by what other parents did but I can't recall my kids even trying that line with me.

My Dd is also 15. She has a bedtime of 10:30 but has another half hour or so if she wants to read in bed.

Her phone, iPad and laptop all stay downstairs overnight as she would not self regulate. However, there are no rules at weekends on in school holidays.

My DS on the other hand, at 17, has phone in his room but laptop stays downstairs. This is because at weekends and in holidays (when rules don't apply) he stays up till 1/2/3am on the laptop so I know he simply can't self regulate. Nor can he get out of bed in a morning - I have to wake him up every single day.

You know what's best for your daughter. However IMO I don't think you need to be so strict with the wind down time.

YANBU.
My parents trusted me at 15 to "self regulate", which meant switching my laptop off when they were coming upstairs, then starting it up again as soon as I could hear snoring. It was MSN in my day too and I'd easily stay up until 2am before having to get up at 6 to do makeup and hair for school. It's a miracle I have any GCSES after that kind of sleep deprivation.
I think you're absolutely doing the right thing - your house, your rules. She'll be 18 before she knows it and can make her own choices, and she'll thank you for the structure and sleep time later, I'm sure.

There's a murder trial going on right now. The girl, a 15-year-old by the name of Kayleigh, was groomed by a man she met online and lured to his flat, where he and then a friend raped her. She was murdered when she tried to escape.

No matter how 'sensible' or 'responsible' a 15-year-old appears to be, that person is 15, not 25. Allowing unrestricted access to the internet 24/7 is a bad idea at that age.

A mate of mine changes the WiFi password at 10pm every night AND takes the gadgets from her 15-year-old son or he'd stay up too late texting. Because he's 15 and his friends are more important than getting sleep, revising, etc.

YANBU.

Your child will soon be doing GCSEs and A levels, and then uni. They need to start regulating their own internet/phone use and also learning how much sleep they need to function effectively.

The harder you push, the more they will push back. By Y10, my kids were putting themselves to bed when they were ready. They also used phones and laptops. But after a couple of weeks, they unplugged themselves and figured out how much sleep they needed.

We do, however, switch off the internet at around 11pm, and their phones have limited data on their contract, which helps.

My bedtime, imposed by my parents was 10pm at age 15. It stayed that until I was about 16 or 17, certainly when I was doing A levels it was 10pm. My parents went to bed at 10:30 themselves, and as our house was fairly small, I think they wanted some time just themselves during the evening.