Are you serious i am 15 years old!!!!!

[Ohmygodareyouserious]

As the title would suggest my daughter is 15 and in year 10 (4th year old school). I take her I phone off her at 9pm every night (wind down time), she has a 10pm bed time (although with her faffing always more like 10.30) and a curfew when she goes out at the weekend. Last night she exploded, apparently I am the ONLY mother of, not only all of her friends, but the whole of her school, that thinks it is reasonable to treat a 15 year old this way!! She is old enough to regulate her own bedtime, curfew and internet use apparently and everyone else's parents that she speaks to think that I am crazy. I do know that all of her friends are allowed their phones all night as hers is constantly lighting up whenever I go into the kitchen (sometimes at gone midnight) which to me means they are obviously not regulating their use. AIBU? Please tell me that I am not the only one, I am beginning to feel as though she is hard done too.

15 is way too late to enforce what you say in your op. I've tried, my teens are very resentful. I'm starting younger with my 10 year old that electronics stay downstairs.
Unless she has done something stupid, perhaps keep reminding her that you trust her and had better not be using it after lights out, if she is then you may be in a better position to deal with this.

We do similar with our 2 DC (same age). iPads/iPods/phones go in to my room to charge at bedtime which is between 9 and 10.30 on a school night. Bedtime is argued occasionally but the on charge rule isn't.

Quite frankly they are exhausted some nights; grumpy, miserable little creatures who have been on the go from around 6.30am. "I'm not tired" often equals asleep in minutes! They can read in their rooms to their hearts content.

Fri/Sat bedtime is fairly fluid but around midnight. They rarely go out late without us so curfew hasn't been an issue.

You do what you think is right, she's your child.
It does seem a bit over regulated though to me.

I have a 14 yr old.
I don't take his phone off him at night, it's his alarm in the morning - he's never on it all night anyway so I've never needed to enforce it.

In the summer his Sunday to Thursday curfew is usually 8pm, Friday & Saturday is 9pm - later if he's somewhere specific like the pictures or the fair for example.
(One night a week he's at cadets on his bike so doesn't get in until after 9:30).

He doesn't have a set bedtime, he self regulates - usually he goes to bed around 10 to 10:30; he goes earlier if he's tired.

He gets himself up on schooldays as he's the first up nowadays, so he's up at 7 with no problems ever.

In your shoes, if being a responsible parent and setting healthy boundaries makes me the subject of gossip and chat - I'd be proud. Perhaps that gossip might settle into the brains of other parents who think that unlimited access to unmonitored tech is reasonable ' and they may rethink their stance on it.

In our home, we have tech restrictions. The children are guided/monitored, the adults self-regulate. Hours are more generous at week-ends, but still 'restricted'.

DH would be tethered to his phone (he is the regional manager) but he has set restrictions so that he can still sleep at night. We are hoping that our examples as the adults in the house will set healthy limits for the DCs to learn as they grow.

Oh... And all the chargers live downstairs, attached to a power bar on a timer - so if you don't 'disconnect and charge' in the evening, you are out of luck the following day when your device runs out of battery power.

Yeah... I am that mean.

^ that should say 9.30 - 10.30pm (washing, make up removal and dithering can add up to an hour on these times!)

Taking her phone off her at 9pm is ridiculous. She's 15, not 10, could you not compromise on that by saying the phone gets left downstairs when she goes to bed? Fifteen year olds do not need 'wind down time', they're not toddlers any more, and tbh my two ridiculously sensible and hard working DDs would have been halfway through homework at 9pm, not winding down ready for bed.

As for bedtime, provided she's in bed by 11.30, I'd say it should be up to her by now. Next year she will be able to get married, and live on her own. She really needs to be able to start behaving like an adult now, not be babied.

My dd is 14 and in year 10 (he's 15 next month). We take his phone and laptop off him at 10.30pm on a school night, he's allowed to read or whatever he wants to do in his room until he's tired as long as he's quiet and doesn't wake anybody up (Dh goes to bed early as he's up early for work and sleeps in the next room). He goes to sleep when he likes, it's usually around 11-11.30pm. During holidays and at weekends I leave him to it and let him keep his electronics in his room and go to bed when he wants, again as long as he's not noisy.

Never take Ds phone or iPod off him at night. He's 14, not a baby. He goes to bed at 9.30 on school nights

*ds not dd!

I had these rules when I was her age. I am of the age (24) where Internet/phones were starting to become a thing - the MSN age. My mum had to take my phone from me at age 17 because I would text all night (teens do do this!). I have no idea how they function, I am tired anyway going to bed at 11.

If they were younger, I'd say that's quite reasonable. But at 15 it does seem a bit much. They need to start regulating their own schedule and learn how to be responsible. The curfew is a good idea, however.

I would rather trust my DC, at 15 and 16, to make sensible choices.

The odd hint, like 'It's your choice, but you need to consider whether playing Jewel Mania is going to help get your A*' never hurt.

At 15, your DD can leave school next year. A few of DS's mates are going to college rather than staying on. They are entirely left to their own devices in this environment.

I would rather trust my DC, at 15 and 16, to make sensible choices.

The odd hint, like 'It's your choice, but you need to consider whether playing Jewel Mania is going to help get your A*' never hurt.

At 15, your DD can leave school next year. A few of DS's mates are going to college rather than staying on. They are entirely left to their own devices in this environment.

I'm always intrigued at bedtimes TBH.
Surely, the time yoou go to bed depends a lot on the time ypu get up?

So let's say, some people say 10.00pm is a normal going to bed time but they are up by 6.30~7.00am (that's what we do).
Others are in bed by 11.30pm but they are up at 8.00am (or later).

Lots of studies have shown that it is very important to bed in bed and asleep by 12.00pm as it has affect on the quality of sleep (see the long term effect on people who are working night shifts all the time and the increase of car do vascularlar disease, tiredness, issue with insomnia and sleep pattern etc etc).
My experience is that I am better if I go to bed 'early' at 10.00pm and wake up by myself around 6.30am rather going to bed later 'enjoying myself' watching crap on TV and then struggling to get up at 7.30am.
I've also learnt that I need some winding down time. And I'm certainly not a toddler, to help both to be able to get to sleep but also for the quality of my sleep (I've I don;t wake up as much). I also feel I have more energy.

Ime, teenagers aren't always good at judging what is good for their longer term health. They feel invicible and better ability to recuperate on sleep/tiredness etc... But not always...

There's a lot of evidence about the need for everyone - kids and adults - to give themselves downtime before sleep and not having 'blue light' in the bedroom. Blue light normally comes from TVs and devices, so you're doing the right thing in taking it away

This is true although the problem in our house is that we don't allow our teens their devices in their rooms overnight, yet both dh and I like using our iPads in bed so some double standards there! But I have no problems sleeping and sleep really well.

My daughter is a bit younger (13), but I have an identical curfew to you. I am also considered the most out of order, strange, controlling parent to ever exist.

My daughter's phone is always going off past midnight, and I have noticed that some of her friends are posting on Facebook in the early hours of the morning.

At the weekends, my DD is allowed her phone if she is sensible with it - although I have caught her having group chats with friends at 3 a.m in the past.

I am dreading have to relax the rules as she gets older as she cannot regulate her phone usage at all. It's a constant distraction and probably the cause of most arguments in our house.

What, exactly, do you hope to achieve by all those rules?

When your children are so young you have to take them with you wherever you go, then it's good when they get enough sleep to not be cranky.

A teenager will just be tired in school next day. Do you think this is too bad a consequence to let her feel it a couple of times, until she learns to go to bed at a sensible time?

Likewise with curfew - what would happen if she came home later? How bad would it be?

Internet use is a tricky one. Thing is, it IS addictive, BUT when you turn 18, you are not suddenly, magically able to control your own internet use.
So, somewhere inbetween, you may want to give her more responsibility.

I agree with some previous posters.

A 'bedtime' for a 15 year old is very ridiculous a little odd. I pretty sure she is old enough to get herself dressed, tie her own shoelaces and take herself off to school in the morning even if she stays up to stupid hours in the morning playing on her phone. Teenagers are surprisingly versitile and and bounce back after only a copule hours sleep.

Fair enough, if she ever starts getting to the point that she does not get herself up for school in the morning, they maybe take it off her for the night.

But that is what teenagers do! They text! Go on Facebook! Talk to friends! She might just want to play solitare on her phone in bed! At her age i was staying up until way past midnight, watching TV in my room, going on my own laptop on the internet and texting.

A 15 year old is not a little kid, she is a young adult, give her some more freedom.

Stratter5 - No point in saying your phone stays downstairs when you go to bed as she lives in her room. We will get the occasional visit at feeding time or if I am really lucky she will join me for a brew after 9pm (when the phone has gone and there is no longer any point to her self imposed exile). The winding down time is to allow her brain to shut down from staring at a screen between 2.40 and 9pm. She is unable to self regulate and I know this as when she was revising for her French oral last week (she got an A* - so proud of her) she ASKED me to take her phone off her for a couple of hours. I can also tell the difference in her mood in the morning if she has not had enough sleep and she is about to go into what is her most important school year. She can look at profiles of random people whom she has never and will never meet (which is all she ever seems to do, oh that and moon over the Kardashians and how much she wishes she were them) at weekends.

Yanbu. School holidays and weekends are fine for 'regulating' your own bed-times but school nights (including Sunday's) need a set time. A good sleep hygiene routine is so important, especially at that age when they are expected to attend to a huge amount of information in the class room over a long period of time. The backlight of a mobile phone is not conducive to a good nights sleep, there's been so much research on it.

This demonstrates the impact of poor sleep hygiene and learning / stress.

It sounds tough but you're right. And I don't think I'd ever put 'self-regulating' and 'teenager' in the same sentence.

Taking her phone off her at 9pm is ridiculous. She's 15, not 10, could you not compromise on that by saying the phone gets left downstairs when she goes to bed? Fifteen year olds do not need 'wind down time'

Everyone needs wind down time. I turn all my machines off an hour before bed otherwise I find it hard to sleep.

I never went to sleep before 11.30pm as a teenager and I was constantly knackered and falling asleep during the day. And couldn't get out of bed in the morning.

Adults don't self-regulate sensibly, the idea that teens will is absurd.

Really, it's up to the OP. I think they're good boundaries, if she can implement them, good on her.

TBH if your DD doesn't want to go to sleep she wont. I got sent to bed and use to reads books under my covers with a torch purely to spite my mum, once I got older and was allowed to decide my own bed time I went to sleep much earlier because it was my decision and wasn't deliberately trying to stay up.

Also if my mum had taken my phone away at 15 I would have been kicking off and I didn't have internet on mine at 15. At 15 your phone is your most important possession.

Ahh, the old "everyone else's parents" schtik.

What you're doing sounds perfectly sensible for a 14yo. Everyone else's parents are not your problem.

I do think there is a compromise to be made here.

You can't make someone go to sleep.

I suggest
*school night 10pm into room without devices, she can do lights off whenever she wants.
*Fri sat nights into room whenever she wants with or without devices
*Home by x time weeknights
*Home by 10pm weekends (unless at a planned event or getting collected by you in which case agree case by case)