Are you serious i am 15 years old!!!!!

[Ohmygodareyouserious]

As the title would suggest my daughter is 15 and in year 10 (4th year old school). I take her I phone off her at 9pm every night (wind down time), she has a 10pm bed time (although with her faffing always more like 10.30) and a curfew when she goes out at the weekend. Last night she exploded, apparently I am the ONLY mother of, not only all of her friends, but the whole of her school, that thinks it is reasonable to treat a 15 year old this way!! She is old enough to regulate her own bedtime, curfew and internet use apparently and everyone else's parents that she speaks to think that I am crazy. I do know that all of her friends are allowed their phones all night as hers is constantly lighting up whenever I go into the kitchen (sometimes at gone midnight) which to me means they are obviously not regulating their use. AIBU? Please tell me that I am not the only one, I am beginning to feel as though she is hard done too.

YANBU. It doesn't sound unreasonable and even if it did, you're the parent who makes the decisions not her. Who cares what other people do. Do what you think is best. Mine had to be in bedrooms at 9 every night but they could go to bed and sleep when they wanted. But they had no tv or electronic devices in their rooms. They did have DVD players and could watch them but they used to read a lot. To the person who said they were more worried about parents snooping on their children's phones - I think parents who don't check on what they are up to online and by phone are irresponsible. Did you see this weeks 24 hours in police custody?

I do the same although she has her technology till 10 pm and one night of the weekend she can have it in her room . She just laughs and says her friends thinks she's funny as she falls asleep and leaves the group chat at the same time every night lol

DD 15 has to leave her phone downstairs at 8pm as her bedtime is 10pm and research has shown kids need 2 hours to wind down from screens.

Those are the rules as the bloody thing literally goes off all night, seriously 4.20 in the morning 2 teenagers were having a conversation on Whatsapp about absolutely nothing!

YANBU. I have 16and 13 yo DSs. Irony have bedtime for eldest now, and we are less rigid with youngest but I go in to check all turned off and are in land of nod when I go up. If not asleep (2230) then DH tag teams me and the electronics ban threat comes into play. Cos we are the parents, and they need proper sleep.
And I always think I'm doing something right if I'm told you're the ONLY ONE who.... I know my DSs and what's right for them, and am not really that bothered if I'm more or less lax than others.
So you do what you think's right knowing your DD.

I don't not irony

think parents who don't check on what they are up to online and by phone are irresponsible

Agree

Op have you read 'Girls on the Edge' by Leonard Sax? It's all about teenage girls growing up in the cyberbubble with social media etc (which we never had as kids) and the possible long term effects of this. There's tons of research on this subject in it, you should have a read, I think it would set your mind at rest.
Also its been proven that teenagers actually need more sleep than adults and struggle even on 9hrs a night.
You know your daughter best, you're doing a great job.

I think it snacks a bit of rules she has outgrown. Having a 'set' bedtime seems a bit juvenile. A simple 'no phones upstairs and go to bed no later than we do rule' would be more age appropriate.

I don't regulate my almost 15 yo bedtime or phone use
But I suppose we all do what we feel is best :) I'm not feckless
We all know our own children better than other ppl do (generally) so trust yourself

Although I take her phone I don't actually snoop through it. I insist on knowing her password so that she knows I could but I never do. I work within a particular area of the criminal justice system and so she has full knowledge of the dangers of the Internet so I don't worry about her Internet use. Think the general consensus appears to be that bedtimes are a good thing, I'm not strict on the bedtime but think I will keep it for now as a ball park.

Reassuring to see that many mums DO remove gadgets from bedroom at night - so all the things our DD/DS tell us possibly not true!! However, I also notice that DDs phone (which is kept downstairs) bleeps and buzzes away with messages right through until 1am - she's just 13!!! Crazy!

If DS forgets to turn his phone off it will bleep and buzz until I turn it off. One morning he showed me a message on a group chat from someone at 3.25 saying 'just finished the physics hw now'. So clearly some 14/15 year olds are not self regulating. I stopped taking away my older son's phone etc when he went into the sixth form as it was too much of a struggle and he is up so much later than me often working as well as watching TV. So I guess I decided he could try to self-regulate at 16 plus (though he is actually crap at it and would really benefit if I did still take his stuff.)

YANBU My 15 yr old DD has an 'upstairs' time pf 9pm(phone left downstairs) she goes to bed by 10pm normally. No TV in DC's bedrooms either. She is used to it now and doesn't question. The phone is constantly lighting up downstairs charging, she needs break from it as it's so tempting to just check it. Stick to your guns.

I'm shocked at people saying 10pm is too early. Why is it too early. That's what kind of time I went to bed at that age. Perhaps later at weekend. We need our children to function all day at school and teenagers need more sleep in fact.

I found ignoring it all best, as my dc didn't see it as a wind up to parents so didn't do the internet stay up late thing. The more yoy fuss with a teenager the harder the work xx

I think you're a very responsible mum. She's a teenager so of course she won't understand or appreciate what you're doing for her . When I think of the things I got up to as a 15 year old... Of which my mum still has no idea 25 years later! These days the potential online problems are very scary but just the lack of sleep from playing on phone or whatsapping her friends would be an issue

We have phones downstairs at 10pm on school nights for our 15 and 16 year olds. At least one of them is secretly relieved to have a break from the constant gossip. When we haven't done it we see a difference.

I have a friend that regulates her 21 year old internet usage because at 17 he had a problem with it stopped going out and turned into a recluse as was always on it you are not being unreasonable at all just safe and one day she will thank you stays strong

" I have a friend that regulates her 21 year old internet usage because at 17 he had a problem with it "

sorry but unless the 21 year old has mental health problems, that is just sad.

did you see this on sleep requirements? www.livescience.com/55048-childrens-sleep-new-guidelines.html

I'm shocked at people saying 10pm is too early. Why is it too early.

It's not too early. Most objectors are objecting to the concept of "bedtime" for a 15 year old, not to the time.

I have children this age and younger and older.

I think you're doing a fantastic job.

My oldest was fine and self regulated.

One of the subsequent ones was hell with it and I wish I'd been stricter - the result of my allowing her to do as the older sensible DC did has been an unmitigated disaster, which even she acknowledges now. The current DC (the same age as yours) doesn't have these rules because he really doesn't need them and so if I did impose them, there would be no problem anyway iyswim.

However, I think the fact you're arguing over perfectly reasonable rules means that she does want to be on the devices/up much later and this alone is reason enough to be convinced that what you're doing it right - let alone from her results.

You allow her more weekend freedom and presumably in the holidays too and I think you're doing a really great job.

Just stick with it and she really will definitely thank you in the end :)

DS is 31 so this is all ancient history for me but he did not have a TV in his room until the day after A Levels ( and a good TV it was, it gave up the ghost on Saturday!) and his phone - a Nokia, it only made phone calls, can you imagine that? - which he got at 13 was off whenever he went to bed; when that was I cannot now remember.

But OP you are dead right to ignore the bullshit about what others are allowed. She is your daughter and others aren't. Stand by your guns on this.

I have not read all of the thread but have to comment that "Bedtimes for 15 year olds are ridiculous".
I don't think they are - teenagers need their sleep. DD2 is 15 and has a bedtime of 10pm - she can read in bed after that. She gets up at 6.45 and we leave the house at 7.30am. She very often goes up before 10 to read and lights are often turned out at 10.30. And no, no phones in room. Mobile phone usage can become addictive in teenagers.

www.childalert.co.uk/article.php?articles_id=322