Are you serious i am 15 years old!!!!!

[Ohmygodareyouserious]

As the title would suggest my daughter is 15 and in year 10 (4th year old school). I take her I phone off her at 9pm every night (wind down time), she has a 10pm bed time (although with her faffing always more like 10.30) and a curfew when she goes out at the weekend. Last night she exploded, apparently I am the ONLY mother of, not only all of her friends, but the whole of her school, that thinks it is reasonable to treat a 15 year old this way!! She is old enough to regulate her own bedtime, curfew and internet use apparently and everyone else's parents that she speaks to think that I am crazy. I do know that all of her friends are allowed their phones all night as hers is constantly lighting up whenever I go into the kitchen (sometimes at gone midnight) which to me means they are obviously not regulating their use. AIBU? Please tell me that I am not the only one, I am beginning to feel as though she is hard done too.

There's a murder trial going on right now. The girl, a 15-year-old by the name of Kayleigh, was groomed by a man she met online and lured to his flat, where he and then a friend raped her. She was murdered when she tried to escape.

No matter how 'sensible' or 'responsible' a 15-year-old appears to be, that person is 15, not 25. Allowing unrestricted access to the internet 24/7 is a bad idea at that age.

What kind of comparison do you call that?

You can cosset and limit teens right up until the age of leaving home if you wish, they'll be the ones who do the stupid, naive things as young adults as soon as they are off the leash.

YANBU! 15 is still a child and it is your house and your rules. I think a 10/10.30 bedtime in the week is fine. I usually go at that time and I am 40! Like someone else said even adults are not good a regulating device use. No one knows the harm of sleeping near mobile phones either so it is a good idea not to have them on in the room all night for that reason alone.

I have a 12 and 9 year old so maybe I will change when they are older but I hope to be like you tbh. 12 year old has a phone/ipod and youngest one has an ipod. We have a no gadget rule after dinner or before breakfast in the week. They do keep their devices in their room on charge at night but turn them off. Youngest one will snitch on older one if he tries to use his phone at night!! They both go to bed at 8.30/9 in the week as older one gets up an hour earlier than younger one.

They have the rest of their lives to be a grown up, I think it is normal to have boundaries at home even at 15.

I am amazed at all the parents who don't give their 15 year olds bedtimes. My DS would stay up all night (literally) and fail all his GCSEs if I did that!! If I had DC who would genuinely regulate in a reasonable manner I might rethink it, but no chance of that here

DD just finished A levels and never had to be in college early so she also used to just stay up really late if allowed as there was no impact on her. Now she is working ready to start uni, so she puts herself to bed so she can get to work in time - me setting a bedtime hasn't impacted her ability to do it for herself.

Bedtime is 10 - 10.30 on a school night, he can stay up and set his own bedtime on other nights, but this usually results in a 4am bedtime.

I don't ask for his phone but I turn the router off when I go to bed anyway on schoolnights because I have to get up at 6am and can't have the DC waking me up - I am a very light sleeper.

DS has limited data on his phone contract so there's no real need to ask for it, if I ever do pop into his room he is fast asleep.

I don't think your curfew is unfair for school nights, but other nights you could maybe relax?

Dd's bedtime in the week is 10pm, she's 13 but she goes whenever she wants at the weekend. No phones in bedroom so no phone from 10pm in the week later at weekends. She self regulates internet, she reads, draws and plays piano a lot so internet isn't her major interest anyway. I'd do away with the school bedtime if I could but she's a night owl and would be up til the early hours everyday if it was her choice.

mine had to be in their rooms at 10pm at that age, mainly so I could go to bed, but they had their phones, mind you they also had TV and gaming systems in their rooms, I was happy for them to do what they wanted as long as they got up for school on time and all homework was done, they were quite good at self regulating bedtimes in the most.

How is it 'cossetting' to restrict a 15-year-old's internet access? People undergo some pretty serious changes neurologically between mid and late teenage years. That's why we have such things are age of consent, minimum age to buy alcohol/cigarettes/certain OTC meds.

I grew up one of those households, with rules and boundaries. Funnily enough, it gave me a good background when I left home at 18. I didn't do anything stupid just because I was 'off the leash'. Instead I realised how hard it was for my folks to parent me during that time and I had renewed respect for them.

expat

I agree

Ye gods she certainly isn't hard done by at all! YANBU at all, I had a 10pm curfew at 18 in the week!

But he wouldn't happypoo, because if you saw him up, or his light on at 1am, you'd tell him he needs to get some sleep. If he got sleep deprived, or didn't establish good patterns, you'd have a chat with him.

Expat you don't need to confiscate devices to limit internet access; you can insist all the family charge phones downstairs, turn off the router at 11pm or whenever, suggest, advice, negotiate, ask.

There's a lot of clear blue water between bedtimes and confiscations and a permissive free for all.

My parents were obviously very lax. I was allowed to stay up watching TV until 10pm before I started secondary school and until midnight by fifteen. If I was out I had to be back by 10.30 pm midweek, midnight at weekends unless I was with known adults. I'm 42 now.

The phone and internet thing was unknown then of course, just the TV.

I got excellent grades for 11 GCSEs and 4 A-levels so it didn't seem to hurt me.

blue screens stuff up sleep, whatever your age.

downstairs, not in bedrooms. and why are they beeping? Turn the bloody things OFF!

^advise

My son who is 14 and in year 10 goes to bed at 10pm with his electronics, apart from his music, - it helps him to sleep, during school week. In fact the school issued an email to suggest that all parents do this, it was already implemented for my son before this. He does it without any sulks and agrees it's for the best. I suspect his friends parents do the same.

YANBU at all!

Agree withNoblegiraffe
Independence is something you take on in stages, it's not all or nothing. No one on here old enough to have a 15 year old had the same kind of social media experience that today's 15 year olds have.

Without his electronics!

I would relax it a little - take the phone away at 10, scrap the set bedtime. What time is the weekend curfew? Sorry if you've already answered later in the thread. 11pm seems like a sensible weekend curfew but with the option of later times as long as she keeps in touch and it's not happening all the time.

Mental health can really suffer being in front of devices all the time and connected to friends/ the internet etc. Downtime is very important and imo very difficult to self-regulate at that age so it's good you are setting the boundaries. Obviously you will need to relax those as she reaches 16, 17 etc - I wouldn't be enforcing those kinds of rules with a child any older than 15 as it can actually do more damage than good. She does need to be allowed her own decisions and mistakes too.

I think you're being slightly strict. But maybe my mum was just really liberal? I'm not sure.
All I know is that I'm baffled by the poster on page 1 who imposed a bedtime for a 17 year old

Yeah, I think it depend a lot on what time she has to get up.My DD has to leave the house at 7.45 to get the school bus.If she misses it I have to take her in which is in the opposite direction to my work making mje late.

As I said earlier, have a conversation and find a compromise. I think having a good relationship with your DD at that age is really important, and it might make her feel listened to and understood on this particular issue.

I'm a teacher in a secondary school and I think your boundaries are perfect. I'm sure your daughter feels hard done by and it must be frustrating for her when other people want to know why she hasn't responded to their messages. However, I think restricting access to things like that is completely necessary. She needs her sleep. 10.30 is a very reasonable bedtime. She needs a curfew. When I hear about the parties my Year 11's have in the absence of parents it reminds me of when I was at Uni - they are really wild. The difference is, I was 19, they are 15. I work in a lovely, rural, middle class school too.

Not that I am suggesting that you don't have a good relationship btw Teens generally kick back against rules that they see as imposed on them, but are amenable if they feel they are being treated with maturity.

I love the posters with small children that have notions of what they will do when their DC become teens . It's like the ideas you have prior to having children.

I think it sounds perfect. A 15 year old is meant to push the boundaries and that's what parents are for.

I've had first hand experience of Step DC's being given far too much freedom at this age and it was hugely detrimental, in the short and medium term.

I shall be v similar to you when my DC's are that age! Mind you, my inflicted bedtime was 8pm at that age....!

love the posters with small children that have notions of what they will do when their DC become teens . It's like the ideas you have prior to having children.

Just what I was thinking

YANBU
She wouldn't realise what you are doing for her.

Like Pilates said.
I feel the increase of depression and anxiety in children is exacerbated by lack of sleep and being on their gadgets 24/7

The idea that because lots of other people are allowed to do something, therefore it is good, is lemmings over the cliff thinking.

I am a teacher too and I would say the vast majority of the teens I teach are very tired from late night technology use. I know this because they explicitly tell me they were messaging at 2 am etc. An average 15 year old needs 8-10 hours sleep, so a bit more than an adult. I really wish more parents were like you.