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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm probably being unreasonable but aibu to feel like mil is being selfish.

129 replies

Feelingsolow12345 · 10/06/2016 04:40

we're driving a 2 and half hour trip today for a long weekend away. the original plan was to stop off at the service station half way through our journey so the little one can have a kick about and a feed. now she's saying we ain't stopping we're driving all the way there. DP and I think that's selfish as she just wants to get there quicker and is forgetting we have a 21 week old in the car too.

OP posts:
steff13 · 10/06/2016 04:49

Who's driving? I guess whoever drives is the one who decides when/if you stop.

lastnightiwenttomanderley · 10/06/2016 04:50

She might be thinking 'well if the baby's asleep, we'll just push on and get as far as possible'.
How is your baby in the car? Who is actually driving?

Maybe remind her of the 2hr guidance for car seats and agree to have a break around 90 mins - 2hrs in?

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 10/06/2016 04:52

we're going in two separate cars but her plan was so we know where each other are, we would follow each other and stop at the same service station.

I agree it's up to who ever is driving but surely if you have a 21week old you'll need to stop for feeds and changes cause if he's screaming on the motorway it's dangerous. might just tell dp to stop without her

OP posts:
steff13 · 10/06/2016 04:54

If you're driving in two separate cars, stop whenever you want. You can call her on her cell phone if you need to know where she is.

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 10/06/2016 04:56

she knows I hate having him in his car seat that long (bt over protective since reading stories on kid who was left in car seats too long). so looks like me reminding her.

also I forgot to add, she sees it as she's booked it (without asking if we wanted to go or not she just presumed) you do what she says. so if we stop and she doesn't she'll moan to us.

OP posts:
MrsDe · 10/06/2016 05:00

You don't want to do what she wants to do and she doesn't want to do what you want to do.

No-one is being unreasonable.

Just do what you want to do and call her to see where she is.

hesterton · 10/06/2016 05:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Redglitter · 10/06/2016 05:02

Tell her you're stopping for a break. If it doesn't suit her then you'll meet her at the destination later if you're going in 2 cars there's absolutely no need to allow her to call the shots. Do what's best for you and your baby if she wants to moan let her get on with it

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 10/06/2016 05:04

it's the way she's always been. like the other day we went out the day before her birthday and got upset we didn't invite her as it was her birthday. I was like no that's tomorrow me dp and ds are spending time together but she kept playing her face till dp said ok.

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 10/06/2016 05:05

it's literally going to be one long weekend isn't it haha

OP posts:
Chottie · 10/06/2016 05:08

I don't understand this at all and I'm a MiL :)

Why do you have to travel in a convey? Can't you both travel separately and meet there - then MiL can drive non-stop and you can take a break when you need to.

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 10/06/2016 05:13

this was my argument the first time she mentioned it but she went nope we'll all follow each other. she'll be driving the minimum speed on the motorway as her mum hates the motorway so if that's the case it'll take us longer to get there so we will need to have a break.

when dp is up I'll just tell him we'll stop if she likes it or not, I'm not having our son stuck in his car seat for that long.

OP posts:
RupertPupkin · 10/06/2016 05:13

I like hesterton's advice. Just agree and then stop anyway for poo, or maybe a vomit. Or hell, because you're an adult with autonomy!

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 10/06/2016 05:14

I'm not saying all mil are bad, I bet you're a fantastic mil chottie.

feel like I needed to say that incase people think I'm being nasty towards mils

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 10/06/2016 05:15

shall I tell her in detail why we're stopping Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 10/06/2016 05:17

I just want to say as well, if he did do a poo while we was travelling you need to change it asap as they are death traps cause of the formula he's on.

OP posts:
icklekid · 10/06/2016 05:18

If she's not in the car definitely stop - your baby could have done a poo/be screaming for a feed all sorts of circumstances that mean you need to stop!

embo1 · 10/06/2016 05:22

Just say no!!! Stand your ground! Leave when you want, travel at your own speed and stop when you feel like it. Because you are a grown up! And if you don't, you're setting a president for the weekend and thevrest of your lives thatvwhat she says goes and she can override your parenting instincts... And your right to make your own decisions. Grow a pair!

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 10/06/2016 05:23

I was going to anyway but I just felt (after dp told me in an angry voice probably making me think) that she was being a bit selfish cause she wanted to get there quicker. thing is though she can get there quicker but we can't go into our room till 4 so we will be waiting around anyway so what's the harm in all of us stopping?

OP posts:
embo1 · 10/06/2016 05:24

*precedent

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 10/06/2016 05:24

I was going to stop anyway as my son is more important, but like I said I thought it sounded selfish they way she said it and I thought I was over reacting that's all.

OP posts:
LittleCroxley · 10/06/2016 05:26

Just tell her you are stopping - no excuse or lies. You are stopping because you just want to. She can either stop with you or meet you there.

Original poster
Feelingsolow12345 · 10/06/2016 05:28

and if she moans it's her problem not ours and if she ruins the weekend her problem not ours

OP posts:
VioletBam · 10/06/2016 05:30

You need to get a bit thick skinned. Just stop...tell her you needed to change the baby, whatever. Nobody would dictate when I can stop if I had a MIL like that!

embo1 · 10/06/2016 05:33

I would personally just say we'd meet there and leave no room for anything else. Very controlling to say you can't stop but must be in convoy at a slow speed. Nip it in the bud or she'll be telling you want time to go to bed next!