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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm probably being unreasonable but aibu to feel like mil is being selfish.

129 replies

Feelingsolow12345 · 10/06/2016 04:40

we're driving a 2 and half hour trip today for a long weekend away. the original plan was to stop off at the service station half way through our journey so the little one can have a kick about and a feed. now she's saying we ain't stopping we're driving all the way there. DP and I think that's selfish as she just wants to get there quicker and is forgetting we have a 21 week old in the car too.

OP posts:

AnnaT45 · 10/06/2016 08:31

Nevermind the baby or convey I can't believe someone thinks they can dictate what you do. What if someone needs the loo? Are they not allowed to stop?

Just text her 'We will see at the cottage at 4 as we can't guarantee we can go that distance without stopping for a nappy change or feed. Look forward to it'

Leave it at that

Ledeluge · 10/06/2016 08:39

I can't bear following or being followed in a car, I actually think it's quite dangerous as you are having to factor in another thing to think about. I know it's hard, but I'd be saying - this is what we need, we're going to see you there.

DoctoraNova · 10/06/2016 08:47

Nevermind the stopping, the weekend or whatever the current issue is. You have to get your head around doing what you believe is best for your baby, even if you think people will moan at you.

Original poster

Feelingsolow12345 · 10/06/2016 09:01

just spoke to dp and he went screw her we're stopping if she likes it or not.

and I'm so use to the doctors and HV saying his age by weeks not months sorry for the confusion there.

OP posts:

Joystir58 · 10/06/2016 09:04

you are an adult. Do what suits you and your baby- this weekend is supposed to be pleasurable isn't it? So make it work for you- be honest- tell MIL that you want a leisurely stress free journey, and you will be taking at least one break, more if you feel like it- and there isn't ay problem because you cant check in until 4pm anyway. Perhaps MIL is anxious about driving?

The more brave and honest you can be the better- you will show her that you are strong and that you will not be dictated to. And get DP onside- you need to be united.

mouldycheesefan · 10/06/2016 09:04

"Mil, we will meet you there. Travelling in convoy doesn't work for us as we will be stopping in the way and we know you prefer not to. See you there!"

Greengager · 10/06/2016 09:07

My mil is like this she's just used to ordering everyone else's lives and deciding what's best for everyone. Her piriorities are what matters. You need to stand your ground when it matters or you will have years of this shit. We are meeting for a picnic this weekend and I'm not allowed to bring any of the food or drink because I will do it 'wrong'. Whatever. One less job for me. However when she suggests I'm being daft for insisting on high back boosters I tell her we are doing it my way. No discussion. No justification.

SanityClause · 10/06/2016 09:14

You never know, your DS may sleep through the whole thing, and you may just drive for the 2.5 hours (I mean it's only 2.5 hours! ) just to get there a bit quicker.

I agree that she shouldn't dictate whether you can stop or not. But, I'd just play it by ear. You may not want to, so there's no point in making a fuss over something that may never even be an issue.

HiddenMeaning · 10/06/2016 09:33

I'd be more pissed off about the suggestion to drive in convo. I hate doing that, I find it distracting and extremely irritating. There is no need for it no that everyone has cell phones. Your DH sounds a bit of a pushover.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 10/06/2016 09:41

I'm just really pleased to hear your DH is on the same page as you. For once you really do have a MIL problem and not a DH problem.

Sounds like you're going to have to grit your teeth, make your own decisions and stick to them. What's the worse that can happen? MIL throws a paddy and storms off? Well then, that means you're free to do what you want. Of course, she'll expect you to go running after her full of apologies, but she'll learn, eventually. You're parents too, now. She has to learn to live with that.

Bolograph · 10/06/2016 09:48

I'm amazed at all the people who have even driven in convoy to know that it's grim. I'm in my fifties and I never have other than when being towed on the end of a rope. You've got a map. See you there. Why on earth do people do it?

SouperSal · 10/06/2016 10:02

Souper are you advised to have someone in the back with a baby at all times? We never did, just kept looking back and watching out. You can't do it if driving alone after all.

I/we've travelled long distances with DD since a few weeks after birth. If we were all going one of us sat in the back with her (I often espressed and fed while travelling) with stops at least every hour. I had her on the opposite side of the car with a mirror on her headrest if on my own so I could see her head (it can be fatal if their chins flop down to their chest).

We still travel this way (will be going 4 hours late tonight actually) with one of us in the back if all going (DD is almost 6). When it's just me and DD I put her in the front. We stop whenever anyone in the car needs to.

Not official advice, but if 2 parents in the car with 1 baby, I'm not sure why you'd have baby in the back on their own.

Willow2016 · 10/06/2016 10:08

If you stop whats she gonna do? Turn around on the motorway?

She doesnt get to dictate what adults do, your choice, your baby end of.

Start to really come down hard on her controlling ways now or you will have to put up with it for ever and once she gets to dictate one or two things the list will grow.

If she had knocked the bottle out of my hand her hand would have got an almighty slap back!

Tell her to back off and mind her own beeswax. She isnt the childs mother you are.

Make it clear before you go that you and dp are in charge of what you and child do, you want a nice weekend with her but will not be dancing to her tune all weekdend. If she causes a bit argument tell her she can go herself.

I dont understand how people cant think they can boss other adults around like children!

Willow2016 · 10/06/2016 10:11

Big not bit!

Willow2016 · 10/06/2016 10:11

Oh hell...can not cant!

vdbfamily · 10/06/2016 10:20

when travelling with young children you cannot predict what the journey will be and you just need to tell her that. We often drove to Germany and Scotland with 3 small children. We would never go more than 3 hours without a good stop for food/toilet/nappy/entertainment/walk etc but often you might set off and then stop and hour later as another nappy needed changing or someone needed another wee. You will probably make it the whole way fine if baby sleeps but you certainly cannot know that from the outset and from experience, a screaming baby and a long drive is not a safe combination!!

Original poster

Feelingsolow12345 · 10/06/2016 12:55

we told her we're stopping at x service station unless lo has other plans. she didn't like what we said but she couldn't argue. also we've gone ahead as I know how to get to the place.

OP posts:

Janecc · 10/06/2016 13:07

Good on you, way to go!!

bookgirl1982 · 10/06/2016 14:08

The advice is to stop at least every two hours to give the child a break from the car seat because their airway can be restricted. I'm sure she wouldn't want to put her precious grandchild at any increased risk...

lavenderhoney · 10/06/2016 14:24

Maybe you can get completely lost and just give up and go home?

After an evening of listening to her moaning about you disobeying her about driving I should think you'll be up and gone by morning anyway! Don't let her snatch bottles off you! She's not the boss of you nor the baby expert to be deferred to. She needs to try to make you like her, I don't see her bending over backwards the way you are -

ALongTimeComing · 11/06/2016 13:49

Lols how ridiculous. You are an adult with your own child. Just do what you want.

... Not entirely sure why you are going away with this loon.

Do not let her take over feeding and such. You are his Mum. End of story. You might feel incredibly squirmy inside about it but just say no and it will get easier.

Original poster

Feelingsolow12345 · 11/06/2016 20:19

well she's been ok until we try to get him to sleep then she starts talking. she even got up and took over in the night feed.

OP posts:

Tumtitum · 11/06/2016 20:33

Not read whole thread but I don't think YABU. DD is 18 weeks and no way would I attempt a car journey more than an hour really without a break! Mainly because she screams but also like you say for a feed and a kick about. We did two very long car journeys with DD when she was about 6 weeks and even though we stopped it was really tough on her!

SouperSal · 11/06/2016 21:38

she even got up and took over in the night feed.

How?! FFS! Tell her to back off!

Original poster

Feelingsolow12345 · 11/06/2016 22:23

well I'm glad we stopped a 2 and half hour drive took us 5 hours due to road works.

and she heard him crying and camping even though she heard me go out and my DP. I've just broke down on dp saying how I feel left out and everyone is going against my parenting. he said hes so sorry as he's not noticed has he's switched off from is mum.

OP posts:

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