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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm probably being unreasonable but aibu to feel like mil is being selfish.

129 replies

Feelingsolow12345 · 10/06/2016 04:40

we're driving a 2 and half hour trip today for a long weekend away. the original plan was to stop off at the service station half way through our journey so the little one can have a kick about and a feed. now she's saying we ain't stopping we're driving all the way there. DP and I think that's selfish as she just wants to get there quicker and is forgetting we have a 21 week old in the car too.

OP posts:

Original poster

Feelingsolow12345 · 10/06/2016 05:43

I've started to after she made out I couldn't cope with feeding my son while eating one handed. she knocked the bottle out my hand and said loud enough for people to hear "oh you can't cope I'll feed him and you go eat" . it's not like I do it everyday is it xD

OP posts:

waitingforsomething · 10/06/2016 05:47

I would just keep going unless your baby wakes and fries then of course you should stop to feed/change him. Take no notice- worst case scenario is she gets there before you right?

Original poster

Feelingsolow12345 · 10/06/2016 05:48

she needs to be there before us or at least the same time as us as it's all under her name

OP posts:

embo1 · 10/06/2016 05:49

She sounds a peach! Make sure your OH has your back on this break, polite but firm!

Original poster

Feelingsolow12345 · 10/06/2016 05:55

he was the one who thought it was selfish and got me thinking it too.

OP posts:

PPie10 · 10/06/2016 05:58

Yanbu at all! You have a small baby and if you need to stop then you need to stop. Very selfish of her to expect everyone to obey her commands.

DoreenLethal · 10/06/2016 06:04

she needs to be there before us or at least the same time as us as it's all under her name

No she doesnt. If you are early then just find a local parkand go sit in it for a bit.

If you cant get in til 4, leave at 1 and have your half an hour at a service station if you want it.

if she moans, just say 'oh dear' and carry on doing it your way. Otherwise you will never put an end to this.

00100001 · 10/06/2016 06:08

Ehuvdo you refer to your baby as 21weeks, and not 5 months old?

00100001 · 10/06/2016 06:09

Why do*

Janecc · 10/06/2016 06:12

If your baby is asleep, just drive, if not, stop. It's simple. She's the awkward, controlling one. Time to put some boundaries in place. She sounds like hard work. If you're dp is struggling with standing up to her, it isn't surprising. However, you're the parents now and she needs to be told politely and repeatedly to move over.

OhWotIsItThisTime · 10/06/2016 06:15

Do what you want, it's not like she can stop you.

Me and the dcs were going to a BBQ with db and partner, plus DF and dm. Dm wanted me to do an extra stop off so we could all travel in convoy. A 'no, that doesn't work for me' nipped that in the bud.

Admittedly, DM is much nicer than your mil. But you need to draw a line in the sand otherwise she will get much worse. Plus your dh needs to stand up to her.

AyeAmarok · 10/06/2016 06:18

She's being weird. You need to go with the flow when you have a baby in a car for a long journey. If he's asleep and you and DP don't need to pee yourselves then just drive until you do or baby wakes.

Her deciding and dictating when two adult stop on a journey when she's not even in the car is ridiculous.

Baconyum · 10/06/2016 06:25

She knocked baby's bottle out your hand? When you were about/mid feed?

Also sounds like you're going on a trip you didn't even want to?

Bigger problems than a convoy here.

Yes stop when you want to, utterly ridiculous for her to try and dictate the behaviour of 2 adults.

At some point you and your dh need a conversation to discuss how you're (plural) going to handle HER behaviour.

blueskyinmarch · 10/06/2016 06:36

Once you are in the car and driving she can hardly stop you! Who is going first in the convoy? If she is ahead I would let her zoom on and nip off at service station of your choice. Then you can have a peaceful half hour feeding your baby and having coffee and cake.

mollie123 · 10/06/2016 06:38

I am a MIL and I would never ever dictate to others how they should drive, when they would stop or what route they would take (even if I was in the same car )
it is nothing to do with her - just communicate by mobile phone and arrange your rendezvous of where and when to meet.
I sometimes feel MILs get a bad press on mumsnet for trivial things but this behaviour is over-controlling - just say 'this is what we are doing' !

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 10/06/2016 06:45

Maybe drive at normal speed and then take a break when you need one, leave her plodding on and you'll arrive at the same time.

Janecc · 10/06/2016 06:48

mollie that's because you're a reasonable human being.

Unfortunately plenty of people aren't. My mother bullies me terribly especially when I'm too ill to stand up to her (I'm chronically ill). Sadly my mil passed before dh and I were even married. So it's not all about mils.

AugustaFinkNottle · 10/06/2016 06:49

For goodness sake, don't drive in convoy on the motorway at minimum speed, you'll drive everyone else on the road mad.

It seems to me quite simple. She trots off at minimum speed, takes 2.5 hours, she's happy. You go at normal speed, take 2 hours driving but spend half an hour at the service station, you arrive at more or less the same time. Everyone's happy. If she moans, tell her there is no way on earth you are going to spend an hour or more in a car with a screaming, smelly baby and it's none of her business anyway.

Krampus · 10/06/2016 07:00

She's being odd, there is no need to drive convoy for a 2.5 hour drive plus you cant guarantee staying together anyway.

I would tell them that you can't say upfront if you will have to stop or not, what with babies being unpredictable. 30 mins into the journey and they could do the poo from hell, half way in they can start to scream uncontrollably. It would be more sensible to have a contingency plan, if one of us has to stop, or we lose each other what shal we do?

erinaceus · 10/06/2016 07:03

I thought I was over reacting that's all.

I do not think you are over reacting. You are just reacting. You are a parent. You react to your child's needs as a priority over your MIL's needs. That is parenting, as far as I can understand it.

I've started to after she made out I couldn't cope with feeding my son while eating one handed.

Is this something parents can do? I am not a parent myself and mumsnet continues to astonish me.

she knocked the bottle out my hand and said loud enough for people to hear "oh you can't cope I'll feed him and you go eat" . it's not like I do it everyday is it xD

I am not sure I could cope with feeding myself and a baby simultaneously, even without an intercepting mother in law using physical force to separate me from the food I was feeding to the baby. It sounds like a difficult level of a video game or something Not that having a baby is a game, more that she is somehow introducing unnecessary challenges and then blaming you for them.

Whocansay · 10/06/2016 07:08

This is mad. You have your own car. Stop when you want. Completely ignore her. Do what's best for you and your baby.

Alternatively stay at home or go somewhere else. She sounds like massively hard work.

The80sweregreat · 10/06/2016 07:13

just stop off then catch up with them later on. If you cant get in the place your staying till 4pm it doesn't make sense not to stop and have a break. with mobiles its easier these days to let people know what your going to do. Your child will need feeding and drivers need a break too! She is being selfish, people forget how little ones are sometimes - have selective memories I am afraid! If you stand your ground I bet she will stop too.

P1nkP0ppy · 10/06/2016 07:14

Weird.
Tell her you'll meet her at the venue. Full stop.
I'm a MIL and can't understand this either 😳

rollonthesummer · 10/06/2016 07:16

My DH hates driving in convoy-it's hard work weaving in and out tracking someone especially when they are driving really slowly.

I'd be tempted to stop hourly...

Oysterbabe · 10/06/2016 07:16

If you need to stop then stop.
If be telling her to get fucked in so many words, she isn't the boss of you.

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