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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm probably being unreasonable but aibu to feel like mil is being selfish.

129 replies

Feelingsolow12345 · 10/06/2016 04:40

we're driving a 2 and half hour trip today for a long weekend away. the original plan was to stop off at the service station half way through our journey so the little one can have a kick about and a feed. now she's saying we ain't stopping we're driving all the way there. DP and I think that's selfish as she just wants to get there quicker and is forgetting we have a 21 week old in the car too.

OP posts:

Janecc · 10/06/2016 07:21

erinaceous. Video game lol. Generally women give birth to two more hands they're not much use as they're attached to the baby. Did nobody tell you about the extra pair of hands mummies have?

allnewredfairy · 10/06/2016 07:23

If baby is asleep and content I'd do it in one. If baby wakes for a feed then stop. Simples! MIL can do what she plans in her own car and you can both meet up at the other end.

blindsider · 10/06/2016 07:23

I agree your MIL sounds controlling and snippy, but 2 1/2 hours isn't a long time in a car for a child. Mine conked out and used to sleep the whole 4 hour journey to Cornwall.

EverFallenInLoveWithSomeone · 10/06/2016 07:24

I can't believe you'd even consider following this directive when you're not even in the same car!

I agree. Don't like. Just stop when you want to.

She can do what she wants.

CheesyWeez · 10/06/2016 07:35

I'm with Rollon I hate driving in convoy too. It makes both cars drive dangerously if your attention is on the other car and not on the actual road and other drivers. The driver in front will have their eyes on the rear view mirror and not on the road! Maddening if she's going to drive slowly as you say.
You could set off early and have a lovely lunch on the way with your DH! When she phones say "oh we're already in X (interesting town) having a pub lunch"
Or go second and just stop when you want.

Barge into the accommodation first and take the best bedroom.

pearlylum · 10/06/2016 07:37

Arrange to meet there.

You can't plan a stop with a baby. The baby may be screaming and have a dirty nappy after 20 minutes, in which case you need an early stop.
Or baby may snooze contentedly for the whole journey, so a stop would be silly, it would be better to do the whole trip in one.
These things can't be planned with a baby.
Explain that to your MIL. Be polite but firm.

Eliza22 · 10/06/2016 07:39

Let your MIL go at her own pace and meet them later, at your destination. YOU have a responsibility to your own family. End of. Don't feel bad about "telling it like it is" and set a precedent NOW for future trips.

Enjoy your weekend!

TheNaze73 · 10/06/2016 07:46

Travelling in a convoy is dangerous, as is driving non stop, especially with a child who you're responsible for, in the car.
There is no logic in what she's doing, is she normally like this?

SouperSal · 10/06/2016 07:49

You're an adult. A parent. Stop fannying about and just tell her you'll be travelling to suit yourselves, you'll see them there and get on with it!

One of you will be in the back of the car with baby, won't you?

MLGs · 10/06/2016 07:53

Just tell you you're stopping.

I would also say no to the convoy if you think she'll insist on minimum speed as that's not fair to the kids.

Ok for her to want to just stay in the car if she's not with the kids!

MrsJayy · 10/06/2016 07:58

Just stop she might just like to get where she is going just tell her we are stopping at the service station its not a huge deal you are making it a deal

TendonQueen · 10/06/2016 08:04

Souper are you advised to have someone in the back with a baby at all times? We never did, just kept looking back and watching out. You can't do it if driving alone after all.

DelphiniumBlue · 10/06/2016 08:07

You don't need permission from anyone else to do what you think is right for your own baby.
It make take a while for Mil to adjust to the fact that her DS is a fully fledged adult now - and having his own baby now means he is. So she is used to being in charge, but thats going to have to change.
No need for an argument, but you can just say " we will be stopping at the service station," and leave it at that.
If she drives more slowly, you can get to the service station first and spend longer there, although why you are travelling in convoy beats me! As you're not in the same car as her, you can do what you like. If she wants to sulk, so be it.
Don't get drawn into an argument, or lose your temper, or cry. Keep really calm and rational, and smile. Don't act as if you're waiting for permission, just state what you are going to do. It needn't be confrontational, and she doesn't have to agree with you.

AugustaFinkNottle · 10/06/2016 08:08

I never quite get this thing about going along with what someone unreasonable says because otherwise they'll moan and sulk. If she moans, tell her your perfectly reasonable, sensible decision isn't up for discussion: it doesn't hurt her, and you have to put your child first. If she sulks, leave her to it and go and enjoy your break.

whois · 10/06/2016 08:09

[dangerous] as is driving non stop, especially with a child who you're responsible for, in the car.

Driving for 2.5h 'non stop' is not actually dangerous.

Anyway OP I don't see why you're driving in convoy or why you're bothering about MILs directive. Just tell her you're going to go at your own pace, can't plan when you'll need to stop to feed the baby etc so you'll just see her there.

All this fuss abut nothing.

lavenderhoney · 10/06/2016 08:11

Driving in convoy on the motorway going v slowly sounds like an accident waiting to happen. I wouldn't do this.

Stop when you want to.

SquinkiesRule · 10/06/2016 08:13

Just smile and nod, then drive at your own pace and pull over to stretch when you need to, no need to discuss of get get permission you and your Dh are adults, do whats right for you and your baby. Catch up to her when you get there.

Bolograph · 10/06/2016 08:13

we're going in two separate cars but her plan was so we know where each other are, we would follow each other

How ridiculous. You've got phones, right?

Following people is dangerous, tedious and pointless. Say no.

Nivea101 · 10/06/2016 08:16

As others have said driving in convoys on normal roads can be a bit dicey let alone on motorways.

No way could I ever let somebody control me like this, it's your car, your baby, your right to stop and start wherever you want. I'm a MIL too and never would I dictate to my grown up children like this.

If she doesn't like it, tough luck, it might be a bit of a wake up call to her controlling behaviour when somebody says NO!!

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 10/06/2016 08:19

I just wouldnt mention about stopping until you have done so. Just text a 'oh no, dc has poohed all up their back, we've stopped off to clean up', 'dc has been a little travel sick'.

MammaTJ · 10/06/2016 08:20

selfish-putting your needs or wants above anyone else's

You are trying to put the needs of your baby above anyone else's. Not selfish.

As a grandmother I can't believe she could do this. My DD or SIL only have to hint at something being best for my DGD and I do all I can to help make it happen!

MrsJayy · 10/06/2016 08:21

Driving 2.5 hours is not dangerous don't be dramatic thenaze

Bolograph · 10/06/2016 08:22

In 2016, anyone who drives "in convoy" is simply thick. There is never any reason to do it.

DartmoorDoughnut · 10/06/2016 08:24

Just tell her you may have to stop and then stop when you want, you're all grown ups ffs! Also travelling in convoy is more dangerous as you look at the car in front not the road/what's around you

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 10/06/2016 08:30

She came on your outing because she sulked. She booked this weekend away without any consultation but you're going anyway because if you don't she'll sulk.

She gets what she wants at all times because nobody wants to face her reaction. Wanting to stop on the journey and not wanting to travel in convoy at snail's pace are both completely reasonable. You have to stand up to her and break this cycle of falling in with her plans sometime, so why not do it now while you know your way of dong things is absolutely the right way for you, DH and DC.

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