Are we BU or are they?

[yorkshapudding]

In a weeks time DH is going away for a couple of days to attend a good friends wedding a few hours drive away (I'm not able to go due to work), this has been planned for well over a year. A week ago he had a text from a mutual friend of the B&G who is also going to the wedding saying that since he and his partner don't drive they had "sort of assumed" that they would get a lift with DH but wanted to check this was ok with him. No mention of petrol money. DH was a bit put out by the assumption but isn't one to take offence easily and replied saying ok but you'll have to make your way to ours (they aren't local to us, they live in a city about 1.5 hrs drive away from us and not on the way to the wedding location) and will need you to chip in for fuel. Friend replies "ok will meet at your house just let us know what time". DH says they need to leave at 5am to make it to the wedding. No response from friend. DH assumes all fine.

Today DH receives another text from friend "is it cool if we stay at yours the night before the wedding as we can't get there for 5am". DH and I are not keen on this idea for a number of reasons. Firstly and most importantly, immediately after the wedding DH will be going away for work for three weeks so we were hoping to spend some quality time just him, me and DD (2.5). I also have a particularly manic week at work that week due to a large event I'm organising and could really do without entertaining midweek overnight guests. Also, I dont fancy trying to keep a toddler asleep through the sound of three people getting up at 4am, using bathrooms, wandering about etc and then getting up for work myself at 6.30am. So DH emails friend, explains the above and suggests they stay with friends parents (who live a 5 minute drive from us) and he'll pick them up in the morning on the way to the wedding. Friend texts back saying that "doesn't work" for him as he's recently fallen out with his parents and isn't speaking to them.

AIBU and a complete cow to think that this is not our problem? DH thinks he should tell them they need to find a hotel local to us and he'll collect them and drive them to the wedding as agreed or if they don't want to do that they can make their own travel arrangements. They both have good jobs so as far as we are aware money is not an issue. My gut reaction is that they're cheeky feckers and DH is right but we're both quite stressed at the moment due to work and illness on both sides of the family so just not sure whether we're being unduly harsh.

Good outcome!

Well done your DH.

You have been kind and generous to this friend on many occasions over a long period. This one time, though, you are putting yourselves first. And friend isn't doing anything to sort himself out, although it sounds easy enough with other friends' houses and cheap hotels to pick from.

So all in all, I'm with your DH. Don't budge on staying over or petrol money. Having put in a boundary, if you withdraw it now your more than a bit freeloady friend will be encouraged to be even more expectant of favours.

It really isn't a big deal-friend just has to spend no more than 30 mins tops finding himself somewhere else to stay.

Well done OP and OP's DH :)

And your DH should ensure he gets half the petrol costs for them. Two extra freeloaders people in the car will mean more petrol will be used.

Maybe the friend has only just fallen out with his parents and was originally going to stay there, hence the short notice.

I'd put the friends up, as I'd feel crap about it later otherwise (justified or not).

Sorry skipped the last 3 pages! I know I should RTFT

I think the friends need to be on best behaviour or your husband will leave them stranded at a service station.

This so called friend sounds like a free loading assuming twat. YADNBU and I'm glad you stood your ground.

Navy, I also think you're a goady fucker. And oddly over invested in this thread.

Well done, OP. If they try to guilt trip you, don't stand for it! They need to grow up!

Re: asking for petrol money, the car will be heavier with 2 extra people and their bags, which requires more force to accelerate, which burns more petrol. So OP's DH would be using more petrol than if it was just him in the car.

Well done to your DP, OP.
and ignore Navy who seems to want you to lie down at the front door and let them wipe their feet on you.

I do think your friends are freeloaders and have so much cheek.

If I were in their situation no way would I make the assumptions they have made on you. Friendship doesn't work like that - that is a massive ask and they shoukd gave backed off at the first "doesn't work for us" man up and do what the rest of us do - treat it like a mini break and book hotel near the venue.

Dh and I used to have a group of "friends" like this. Funnily enough when I finally had enough of a free loading couple in this group and I said something they all turned on me like a pack of hyenas. We had done several elaborate house parties for the entire group and this particular couple had a habit of inviting themselves to ours to eat and drink good quality wine, champagne, fed them gourmet food. A weekend for 4 could set us back a couple of hundred pounds. They gave us nothing in return. Never even invited us to theirs for a meal when we d put them up many many times.

As for your friend, he likes coming to yours because you look after him and feed him. Yet you're concerned that he may take offence at not being able to put him up on this occasion.

I'm so glad I'm no longer in this "friendship" dynamic anymore.

It was MadaboutFourteen who said you were over-invested actually. Keep up.

Now run along and report her post as well.

Glad your DH has stuck to his guns, OP. Friendship is supposed to be a two-way street, but it seems this particular relationship has been One Way for far too long. The man-child's grumbles about the sofa bed tell us all we need to know about him. Entitled prat...

Oh - and goady fcker* - lol!!

Your " But why, OP? I just don't understand! Why now? Why? Why?" was obtuse and goady. OP had explained why many times.

Ok, mush, whatever you say.