To find it annoying if men try n do certain things for me, like open car doors or help with chairs

[LardLizard]

Ffs I can open the car door myself and seat down at a table without help

I know how to change the wheels of my car and my truck, and have had flats with both of them that I've needed to change. the trick is to stand on the wrench and sort of jump up and down on the end of it until the nut loosens. All about leverage. I've taught my son how to change the wheel as he's learning to drive, and we live somewhere where it might take a couple of hours for a breakdown person to arrive. Not sure if dh knows how to do it, but it's not tricky, the instructions are in the manual.

I'm not sure how I'd react if a guy pulled over on the highway and offered to help, but to be honest I might be worried that they might be a threat to me rather than grateful for their help. Which is a bit sad really, but there you go (in theory I could probably defend myself, but taking someone down in class is a bit different to reality I suspect).

"I think everyone, male or female should hold open doors for one another, that is just good manners as many of you have said. "

One might think it were that simple but when the response women get when they open doors for men shows that it isn't just about good manners.

nooka

All about leverage.

No. A longer lever would make it about leverage. Jumping makes it about weight / mass / strength which is why a man may be better at doing it. They're heavier. I broke my toe doing exactly what you suggested when the bolt came undone and I landed funnily. A longer lever allows smaller / lighter people to undo it more safely.

"I can't change a tyre.. Am I let down to feminism?"

No. But you ought to learn. It's not difficult and you can wait a very long time for the AA when it's busy.

Fgs.

🙄

Sorry?

My DH will carry shopping bags. Unless they're from Primark, he refuses then.

B that wasn't aimed at you, but the pedant earlier. You're right I probably should learn!

Was having this exact conversation with a colleague (male) the other day. He held the door for me as I was walking into the office. I said "thank you" he asked me what is said. I told him.

He told me that he holds the door for a lot of people and no one ever says thank you. Probably like the op they are offended that someone has tried to be polite and show they have manners.

I'm imagining the op would also be offended f a man went through a door before her and let it close behind him.

I like it. I think it is good manners. I can manage too but that's not the point.

I feel sorry for my sons because when they grow up they are liable to have random acts of kindness - like holding the door for someone or giving up their seats - rudely thrown back in their face.

"feel sorry for my sons because when they grow up they are liable to have random acts of kindness - like holding the door for someone or giving up their seats - rudely thrown back in their face."

Oh, FFS.

Seriously 8 pages for this? I notice men and women hold the doors open for each other, it's just politeness. I once dated a man for a while who would always open car door for me to get in, I thought it was very sweet.

I'm interested that nobody has answered a question I asked a while ago- if you were a man and a bigger and stronger man took your shopping bag out of your hand and carried it for you, how would you feel?

Maybe there are no men on here to answer that Bertrand.
I have no idea how I would feel about that as I'm not a man.

"Maybe there are no men on here to answer that Bertrand.
I have no idea how I would feel about that as I'm not a man."

And you don't even have the merest scrap of an imagination?

The idea of sharing the carrying of multiple bags is the most ridiculous red herring.

A thousand times yy Buffy.

Bert, I asked my DH who just laughed and said it would be creepy. And then said it's also creepy seeing blokes who act differently around women than with other men and watching the "change" in their personalities sometimes.

But then he's sort of a academic quiet sensitive soul anyway, and a butch confident type of man might have a different reaction. Perhaps others could ask their partners too?

Yeah, I do Bertrand so I imagine that I would be grateful that someone was offering to help me.
I doubt that's the answer you're looking for though

I see the Underthinkers are in again.

It is benevolent sexism if a man would/will only do something for another person because she's a woman and not because it's the right, polite thing to do for anyone, regardless of gender or age or any other distinguishing feature. You can dress it up as "just manners" or protest "but I hold doors open for men" as much as you like, but you're missing - or choosing not to see - the valid point the OP is making.

That doesn't mean that those of us who see the benevolent sexism subject any man guilty of it to a strident feminist tirade; it's possible to say a polite thank you or decline the proffered gesture equally politely while thinking privately "would you be doing this if I were male".