To find it annoying if men try n do certain things for me, like open car doors or help with chairs

[LardLizard]

Ffs I can open the car door myself and seat down at a table without help

My 9 year old grandson loves to carry my shopping or hold a door for me and I always say thank you. I'd be disgusted if he held a door and someone said,"I can do it myself!"

"If I were standing on a bus and a young man was sitting I would feel quite judgemental if he did not offer me a seat."

So would I. But I would feel equally judgemenal if a young woman didn't offer you a seat. That's the difference between good manners and "benevolent sexism"

I drive a BMW... go on, you may make assumptions!

I too can park in small gaps. I sat waiting for a man to get his medium sized car out of a gap once (busy street, I wanted his space). It seemed he was unaware that the wheel in his hand turned the wheels on the car.. back and forth he went... when he got out of the spce the patrons of a loal hostelry gave him a round of applause. Which became even more rapturous when I reversed in, straigthened up and got out of the car.

I appreciated that as much as I appreciate doors being held open for me, by whomever, waiters of either gender doing the chair thing, and my DH whipping round the car to help me out - I have a dodgy hip and getting out of the passenger side if a car is a bit of a pfaff.

I can't be bothered to feel put upon or belittled, it makes little bits f my day a little less onerous... and that is nice!

I am a woman and sometimes open the door for other people. What does it make me.

You can be a feminist and like good manners.

YABU of course

Whilst I agree that manners are nice and shouldn't be thrown back in someone's face it's really not as simple as that.

It's a common complaint amongst men that goes: "Women want equality but they expect men to hold doors open for them"

So either way you can't win.

Hello! - 1974 is calling and wants its boring discussion back

I'm interested that nobody has answered a question I asked a while ago- if you were a man and a bigger and stronger man took your shopping bag out of your hand and carried it for you, how would you feel?

Running round to open my car door is not actually doing a nice thing.

I am perfectly capable and you are slowing me down by insisting on this.

Ditto pulling out chairs and pushing them back as I sit down - it's weird and makes my life harder.

It is not politeness, it's not helpful, just stop it.

benevolent sexism

seriously!? I call that politically correct gone wrong. If a man tries to help me with something heavy I can carry, sometimes I say 'yes thank you' or sometimes 'no thanks I can manage'. I confident enough in myself and feminist enough not to think 'how very much dare you think that I am too feeble to do it myself'.

Same with driving. I am a good drive and a bad parker, not because I am a woman but just because. If a man wants to help me park, I will have not hang up letting him.

An interesting read on benevolent sexism.

The worst was when I was changing my car tyre and a women asked if I was ok and knew what to do or shed ask her husband to help me 😡😡. I said I have one of those but he wouldn't have a clue! You can't move here carrying something without men coming to your aid! Drives me nuts except the time when the strap was cutting through my hand

Balls! Posted the wrong link (although that is the place I saw this report linked from); this interesting Harvard Business School gender and work report.

FFS it's called manners! I can't believe anyone can get irked by this.
I've taught both my ds and dd to hold doors open etc. I'd be fuming if someone snarled at ds that they could do it themselves!

At the park with a group of work mates and our kids last week and an elderly man was going along the same path as us but in the opposite direction (walking stick and all).
My friend and I stepped out of his way for him to go first but he insisted that we did. I didn't think sexist pig at all.

My hubby opens the car door for me if we go out- and yes, he carries my shopping bags- as he bloody well should! Maybe I should ltb?

Any man (with the possible exception of a professional chauffeur) who runs around a car to open a door for a woman is an absolute pillock. Seriously. They're just doing it for show, it's pure optics, "look how chivalrous I am". I'll offer to help carry stuff for anyone who looks like they might be struggling, but everyone can open a car door ffs.

Touched by the stupid stick? . Yabu.

I would probably accept help with a tyre - it's not that I don't know how but it's a bitch to get the bolts off sometimes- you need brute strength :/

I think all this boils down to:

Offering polite help is fine
Forcing assistance on people isn't,

My 9 year old grandson loves to carry my shopping or hold a door for me and I always say thank you. I'd be disgusted if he held a door and someone said,"I can do it myself!"

Oh go on! Nobody would do that to a 9 year old, what a ridiculous comparison!

I can't change a tyre.. Am I let down to feminism?

Yabu, although I recently went to a clean up event where I was told if I needed help moving the chairs to ask one of the men for help. They ten advised my husband. Lol he then informed them that I was stronger than him and they didn't advise it again.

Wheels. We change wheels. Tyres are the rubber bits that are attached to them that require a machine to get on and off.

completely misses the point