To find it annoying if men try n do certain things for me, like open car doors or help with chairs

[LardLizard]

Ffs I can open the car door myself and seat down at a table without help

Ego I don't think too deeply about it (and I don't think he does either, it's just what he was brought up to do) and I can't help but just think it's nice.

Yes it's obviously an old fashioned thing and if you analyse the reasons why men did/do it then it will possibly lead to some antiquated reason that doesn't make a lot of sense but I don't think I need to justify liking it.

• definitely not possibly

No enter I'm not. Not that it's any of your business.

It wasn't a surprise, it's just fucking typical of certain people on here to resort to it when people don't agree with them.

Apologies in advance enter if you were just being sarky 🤗

I think people have different tones and ways of speaking, and there's a difference between criticising a person and an opinion.

Saying "you're talking bollocks" isn't abusive IMO, whereas saying that "you are a bollocking fucking idiot" would be.

Well I think it was a pretty shitty thing to resort to seeing as it just lowers the tone of the whole discussion. But there we are.

Querty12345

being English I'm not actually sure if I'm being sarcastic or not anymore!

I was on your side though as some posters seem to pop up, make a rude comment (without adding anything to the discussion) and bugger off again.

Another forum I use has the ability to completely block a specific user's posts. It's fantastic although probably can't be implemented on MN; it may undermine the efforts for anonymity.

I apologise. I shouldn't have said "bollocks"- it's always wrong to lose your temper.

But can I try and explain why I did?

This has been a largely amicable and interesting thread talking about the whys and wherefores of the "special" good manners that our etiquette rules say that men should use to women. It's an interesting topic. All the -well, feminists I suppose for want of a better word - were explaining why there are circumstances where these behaviour can seem patronizing and it's time they went. But everybody was agreeing that they wouldn't do the stereotyped "feminist shouts at poor man for opening door" thing so beloved of the popular press. Posters were responding, discussing, commenting. There was a constant background buzz of people saying "oh it's only polite" and seemingly deliberately missing the point. But largely the people actually engaged in the discussion were reaching consensus.

Then Querty said something about a man opening a door for her and did that mean he was a patronizing arsehole? Everybody said no, of course it didn't. Querty then responds by saying something about "well according to the rules of feminism on this board he was" (sorry, Querty, if I misrepresent you) and I lost my temper. Because nobody said anything of the sort. Rather the opposite.

And people are always accusing feminists of saying things they haven't. And it seems perfectly all right to insult and mock and dig at feminists continually- (just have a look at the Office advertisement thread if you need proof) but when a feminist loses her cool it just proves how aggressive and ridiculous feminism is. Which is why feminists should never lose their tempers. So I apologise to Querty. And to feminists.

just have a look at the Office advertisement thread if you need proof

what are you taking about?

Can you link to it?

Office thread

Hey b I'm not accusing you of anything. I respect your position. I may not be a feminist but it doesn't stop me respecting you because you are one. I think I was more trying to play devils advocate than actually 'take the piss' out of being a feminist, or what feminists may or may not think, if you catch my drift.

when a feminist loses her
cool if just proves how aggressive and ridiculous feminism is.

I don't agree, but in the right way. Men and women are aggressive, feminists and non feminists are aggressive. People just get aggressive over things they care about yeah? I know I do.

Men and women are aggressive, feminists and non feminists are aggressive. People just get aggressive over things they care about yeah?

I think Bertrand's point was that the minute a woman who has expressed a feminist opinion loses her temper, it's often used against her as if it's an indication of the typical behaviour of all feminists - as though the default state of all feminists, all the time, is "angry". That same tarring-with-the-same-brush isn't necessarily extended to other groups of people.

Page I was making a point that not everybody sees feminists as overly aggressive or that they get aggressive when trying to make a point, but that everybody in the world can get angry about something they care about, so it shouldn't be any different when a feminist gets passionate.

Ok I'm seeing what your saying so it's almost like

not aggressive= reasonable woman

aggressive= must be a militant man hating feminist

I agree in general terms, Ego - in that instance I meant specifically when someone briefly loses their temper.

Querty I absolutely agree that it shouldn't make a difference, but as I spend some of my time on feminist forums and FB pages, often populated by those less sympathetic to the cause, I can say from experience that the "all feminists are angry" trope is very much A Thing.