Am I "that mum"?

[pepsi001]

I've waited a long time to meet a nice man to marry and have a baby. I'm 37 I thought this would never happen for me. I'm over the moon and of course my little girl is my pfb.

Lately I've become aware of a kind of reverse snobbery. All of a sudden I'm in the wrong for wanting nice things for my daughter. I'm buy lovely clothes from M&S and Boden and Next and she had a Sophie and I adore Mamas and Papas.

I don't go into debt. I buy things on sale and on special discount days. I don't really do second hand or hand me downs - not there's anything wrong with that and I never judge how other people want to spend their money or not, but I'm made to feel like a bad person because I don't want to do that and would rather buy new.

I aiming to keep everything nice and then sell on when not needed again to recoup the cost slightly.

Why this reverse snobbery to boast about how everything you have is cheap or second hand or hand me down and anyone who actually buys nice things is a bad person?

AIBU?

Honestly some people have nothing better to do than pour negativity on others, just bloody ignore them, Run your life the way you want to Hun.

I met friend for lunch when pregnant and was excitedly telling her what I'd got and about the baby bedroom. I previously had a miscarriage so this was a big step for me. She poured scorn all over what I'd been buying and how I was wasting my money and how she had never spent that. She said I would be hated and vilified at baby groups as one of "those mums" whatever that means.

This person is not your friend.

Knowing that you didn't think this would happen and seeing your obvious overjoyed enthusiasm in preparation, a friend would not say this. Or at least not say it in a way which seems clearly designed to burst your bubble.

I can say this with several years of experience as a really good friend!

In your place, I would be seriously considered what sort of time I need to spend with said "friend" in the future.

*considering!
Flipping phones

When you have your first child some of your relationships will change and you will find people like this popping up and pissing on your chips basically, I was a new mum at 38 and people did this to me big time. I had to have all second hand, the one thing I did get new was the pram and people complained about the colour. You are literally like "fair game" to some people, I'm sad to say it goes with the territory.

This is your money, spend it as you wish but maybe just don't be too quick to mention it. Enjoy your baby for you both

Some people put other people down in order to make themselves feel better. Sounds like your 'friends' are belittling your circumstances because they can't match them themselves. Don't let them get to you and keep doing what you're doing. Are you hurting anyone? No. Are you doing anything illegal or at the detriment to others? No. Crack on and leave them to their own devices.

Although, for what it's worth, on top of all the lovely new shiny things our kiddlers have, our house is also coming down with bags of kindly donated second and even third hand clothes in great nick and with various toys, bikes, books and other bits and pieces that have been pre-loved. Not going to look a gift horse in the mouth by any means round here!! AND whilst most days there's a decent homecooked, veggie filled evening meal on our table, there are also plenty of days when it's beans on toast or scrambled egg or chicken nuggets or even....a chippy tea :0

Am I going to justify that to anyone and get uptight if anyone tells me I'm doing it wrong. I think not!!!

mumstheword that's my point exactly. I was being flippant...

I'd never bring up the circumstances of my child's conception in baby group unless asked specifically and I wouldn't enquire about others. I don't need to to know that every mum I speak to thinks their child is special!

I think perhaps the OP is swept up in the rush of love for her PFB and not aware that her tone/choice of words is being misread by her friends.

Just enjoy it, they grow up so quickly. You have so much time to buy clothes etc with your first child when the 2nd comes along things change, or did for me anyway. I moved a lot , have 3Dc's and never had the chance to have a lovely nursery something I would have like to have done.
I always bought new clothes but people gave me some clothes as they do now, it doesn't really matter at all. I really wouldn't make a big issue of where you buy things though as I agree this could sound like bragging.

I am surprised that anyone says anything. I know a lot of people with babies and young children- I have no idea who buys new and who buys second hand. I don't care, I don't try and find out and I don't ask. Neither do any of my friends. I advise ignoring and buying what you want from where you want.