To be furious with this mother

[Angelsandmagnets]

DD (11) and her friend who is the same age went out into town today with friend's mother 'chaperoning' (basically meeting them in Costa halfway through).

I gave DD £20, which would seem appropriate for an 11 year old shopping trip. However DD became increasingly uncomfortable as her friend bought a very expensive pair of jeans and was pressuring DD into doing the same.

I may have been skeptical about this however when they met friend's mother in the coffee shop she seemed shocked that DD had so 'little money' and asked if 'she needed more since I didn't give her enough'.

Fast forward a few hours and I'm now not sure what to do. DD is very embarrassed (I seriously doubt she would make this up) and I am supposed to be going out with this mother for coffee tomorrow. Should I confront the issue or just drop it? Aibu to be completely puzzled and annoyed by this mother?

£20 is more than enough for a pottering around town shopping trip. In fact, I couldn't afford £20 as it would be a day's take home pay for me. If DD pissed £20 up the wall I would not be impressed (but would blame myself for giving her the money).

Seems like a misunderstanding. The friend did a "big" clothes shop, and your DD was expected to get something fun but insignificant.

And Costa is such a ripoff. Unreasonable to take children there.

Gosh - £40 for jeans for an 11 year old?? We have a generous income here and I would never dream of spending that much. I think you gave a very handsome budget for a shopping trip!

She sounds fine, though I would only give dd a tenner when she was 11! If she wanted to buy jeans I would have gone with her back then.

I think the text was a mistake - it would have been better dealt with lightly and f2f. Just a mention of how much you give dd being enough for her atm, and a quick check that the extra money was returned.

You don't know that she's 'entitled'. You just know that her family income is either a bit more than yours, or that they divide their income differently so that her dd has more than yours does. Neither should be barrier to friendship.

Go for coffee with an open mind, and enjoy getting to know her.

Happiest - John Rocha is an interesting Irish designer. Debenhams stock his range but I guess you don't descend that far from Sloane Street.

Wondering whether to start a thread about the 'finer things in life' !! Especially as judged by 11 year old girls.
OP - your DD sounds sensible, she didn't give in to peer pressure to buy jeans even when entitled mummy provided money.
Have fun over coffee, think of all the MNs behind you! You could get there early and have your coffee already when monied mom arrives.

How awful, £20 is plenty. I would not let dd go shopping with them again if she is going to be made to feel bad.

Well judging by her reply I'd definitely not bother meeting the mum. She sounds rude.

Her reply is quite rude, and no apologies for offending. We a enjoy the finer things, but lot of us cannot afford it. She shod live in the real world and understand that.

OMG. My Dd gets her jeans from sainsbury at 10 a pair. £20 for a shopping trip is plenty. Hope your Dd friend return the money to her mum.

I think I should have read thread before replying

I was ten in 1968. I recall going out shopping in a nearby town with a friend. I bought a dress and jacket for £23.00 and took home change. Bus fare would have been about sixpence (two and a half pence).

I do think £20 is the right amount for today, though. If she's going to make a more expensive purchase, at 11 she needs her mum there to advise.

Bee Please do, would be very amusing.

Time that's a crazy amount of money in 1968

Yes, it was. If you think, I started work in 1976 on £23 a week, it seems like a horrendous amount. But the dress and jacket were coral, corduroy, very luxurious garments. I had some strange experiences in childhood. My parents were very definitely working class but sometimes had a lot of money. My mother was often in hospital so parenting was a bit ad hoc. No doubt I'd told my dad I needed something to wear (or my gran had told him. I wasn't allowed to ask a man for money. That was absolutely forbidden) and he'd handed over what he'd usually give to my mum.

I know Frecking, must acquire to £100 in today money.

I have never spend £40 on jeans for myself never mind a child!

Thankfully my kids dont care what they are wearing (as in designer wear) any more than I do. As long as its seviceable, suits them and comfy thats all that matters. Hell got summer clothes for all of us in Primark the other day (never been there but new one opened recently ) 2 pre-teen and teen ds's = jean shorts, hoodies, t shirts, sandals, sunglasses, pjs and some things for me all under £100! Some really lovely stuff, some good quality stuff too who cares where I bought it?

For a mooch around town without anything specific in mind £20 is plenty. If her friend wanted to buy overpriced jeans then thats between her and her parents, and your daughters money is between her and you. No need for other mum to comment or get involved at all didnt it occur to her that your dd might have saved up the money herself and she was being a bitch telling her it wasnt enough?

The mum is delusional and has no boundaries. How much spending money each girl had or is used to is by the by - it's truly bizarre that this woman thought it would be appropriate to give money to someone else's child and send them off to spend it as they wanted, without checking with their parent first.

Good luck with coffee, I'd be inclined to cancel ...

I thought there was an unwritten rule that you kind of check that the other child is going to town with a similar amount of money. I may be being very naive but my DD (almost 11) has been out in similar circumstances about 4 times now and has always taken £8-£12 and never ever spent all of it. That includes lunch money. They don't go clothes shopping, if they do it's something cheap like M&Co (all we have) and even then my DD doesn't purchase, just browse. They come home with things like a new pencil case, pick n mix, toot from Claire's.

Someone's already said it but to reiterate... Since when are jeans That cost 40 pounds the finer things in life?!

Fwiw I fucking love primark, would never spend 40 on jeans... 40 is nearly a weeks food shop!

Crikey, when I was 11 I used to get given £3 to go to town with (or £5 if I'd been very good). I'm only 26, how times have changed!
£20 is plenty, a lot of kids probably wouldn't even get that much.
Mention it if it's made you feel uncomfortable but I don't think it's worth falling out over.

My Primark jeans cost £11 , they fit perfectly and wash up just fine.

I really think you should go to the coffee with an open mind. I don't think enough has passed for you to assume she's an entitled cow.

beezie. Interesting but definitely not Irish, John Rocha.

OP I think £20 was very generous. Can't imagine what a child of that age needs to buy and certainly wouldn't be having mine buy their own clothes without adult supervision and a bit of guidance.

Go and meet her with an open mind and see what takes from there.