Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To smoke in my garden?

225 replies

whoopsididit · 02/06/2016 21:30

I smoke, wish I didn't and intending to really try and stop soon. But I smoke.

Moved into a new house two weeks ago.

I smoke in the garden. About 3 or 4 a night.

A few times I've been out there and the Window next door has been abruptly and loudly slammed shut.

They obviously can't stand the smell when I'm smoking, which I suppose is fair enough as it is a disgusting habit.

I feel it really hasn't got us off to a good neighbourly start.

I try and stand well away from their windows but I'm thinking AIBU to smoke outside in my own garden ?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 03/06/2016 08:21

Am now wondering if ex smokers can smell it even more strongly than people who have never smoked?

Unless that also applies to people who had to grow up in a house full of smokers, doubtful.

Your neighbours are being a tad unreasonable (and I speak as someone who loathes and detests the habit), but I find it even more unreasonable that they've never been round to speak to you as neighbours since you moved in. Not very sociable.

But also, if you spent as much energy trying to give up as you are doing to avoid annoying them, you'd probably be successful!

YoungGirlGrowingOld · 03/06/2016 08:23

I think this falls under "live and let live" and your neighbour is bu. The pp who said they would move made me chuckle - have we become so intolerant??

I have a pyromaniac retired chap adjacent to us who burns his garden waste without fail every day. He also chops logs for me and puts them in our wood store without asking. Am pretty sure he wouldn't do that lovely favour if I slammed my windows and tutted at his bonfires all the time. As long as I can get to the washing in time I don't grump too much!!

And as an ex-smoker who still gets the occasional craving you are welcome to come and smoke outside my window OP.

TheDowagerCuntess · 03/06/2016 08:38

There surely cannot be a smoker alive in the western world, who had not heard of Allan Carr.

Recommending him, as some sort of foolproof method of quitting, is a bit ... Hmm

He works for some people, but not for others - just like every other method.

YoungGirlGrowingOld · 03/06/2016 08:49

Dowager I was part-way through his short book for about 5 years during my smoking career! Picked it up again when he died of lung cancer. Then quit.

charlestonchaplin · 03/06/2016 08:50

You want to negatively impact your neighbours but for them to be cool about it? That's called eating your cake and having it, and it's pretty selfish. Do you what you want in your garden but don't expect them to be pleased about it!

You expect them to come to you and not upset you by slamming their windows shut. What are they going to achieve by coming to you? How many smokers would say, 'Oh we'll stop smoking in the garden, then, since it upsets you'? Chances are they'll achieve nothing but riling their neighbour. You know you're upsetting them so if you care take appropriate action without them coming to beg.

DrasticAction · 03/06/2016 09:18

YY Charles.

Well put Smile.

op you sound like a nice person, and your doing the act thats causing the reaction.

Why not go to them and say - is my smoke annoying you, lets try and sort it out, sometimes just moving ever so slightly gives the smoke chance to go elsewhere! they will be so grateful.

FlatulentStarfish · 03/06/2016 09:28

You are not being unreasonable. Neither is your neighbour. There are so many worse things a neighbour could do that smoke a few fags in the garden. Bonfires, cooking smells, BBQs, music and people yelling at each other. We all have to live and let live.

Enjoy your cigarettes you pay the rent on your property. A bit of cigarette smoke won't kill anyone. I'm sure when the two of you need to be neighbourly about something that actually matters, you will be. Xx

Luckystar1 · 03/06/2016 09:40

I have to agree with pp above. One small cigarette that is smoked then extinguished in about 2 minutes is nowhere nearly as bad as BBQ, bonfires etc.

Our NDN smoke outside her backdoor (which is at the side of the house for some reason), so right beside one of the back windows. I don't like it, I worry as the room will be the newest baby's bedroom but there is nothing I can do.

It certainly is not as bad as the bonfire our elderly neighbours decided to burn for 2 nights in a row this week which meant we couldn't open any Windows.

ShouldHavePlayedItCooler · 03/06/2016 09:41

I have this problem from the other side, ie my neighbours smoke like chimneys in their garden and it drifts into my bedroom, which I hate, as on top of the bad smell and health concerns, it makes me all bunged up as if I have a cold. But I've never slammed my window, just closed it when the smoke is very bad. They smoke in their house too, but it's never occurred to me to ask them not to smoke in their own garden. I'm sure I do things they don't love too, so I guess a bit of compromise goes a long way to good neighbourly relations.

WanderingNotLost · 03/06/2016 09:41

Could people please stop comparing cigarette smoke to car fumes? Cars have a function. They serve a very useful purpose. Smoking has literally no redeeming qualities whatsoever. It's incredibly bad for you, it stinks, and it affects the health of anyone who happens to be near you when you're doing it. It is not remotely similar to driving a car.

Querty12345 · 03/06/2016 09:55

Smoking has literally no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

It's bloody lovely. It's brilliant! Sweet smoky goodness. Fuck I miss it...

puddleduckmummy · 03/06/2016 10:17

Lol querty, me too! Although if you offered me one I probably wouldn't accept (unless I was utterly gazeboed!)

PrimalLass · 03/06/2016 10:21

I do wonder what smokers are supposed to do now that they can't smoke indoors and apparently can't smoke outdoors either.

Stop Smile

LogicalThinking · 03/06/2016 10:47

unlike cigarette smoke outside car fumes blasted into the open air have actually been proved to cause deaths and health problems.
Please tell me you don't actually believe this! You are saying that there is no proof that cigarette smoke causes deaths and health problems?

its a shame its drifting in to their house but im sure they will do annoying things like slam windows, cook stuff that stinks, make noises etc
But nothing else that could cause them health problems.

One small cigarette that is smoked then extinguished in about 2 minutes is nowhere nearly as bad as BBQ, bonfires
BBQs and bonfires don't happen several times an evening, every single day.

Gide · 03/06/2016 11:02

How stupid of some people to say the neighbour is being passive aggressive/unreasonable! Wtf?! Should the neighbour simply leave the window open and allow smoke to drift in? Fuck off, what nonsense.

It sounds like the OP has taken steps-literally-to ensure that she's not impacting on the neighbour now so a bit of a pointless row.

Querty12345 · 03/06/2016 11:05

Stop

People can smoke if they want to. They shouldn't be made to stop because other people don't like it. There's plenty of shit people do that pisses me off, doesn't mean I tell them to stop it.

UpsiLondoes · 03/06/2016 11:08

You're my worst nightmare Confused. I hate feeling trapped my in own home and unable to open a window because my neighbour needs a fag. Apologies if this was already mentioned, but is there any chance of smoking in the front of the house/front garden? The smoke doesn't travel as much (buildings) and doesn't go into bedroom windows.

AugustaFinkNottle · 03/06/2016 11:20

It's irrelevant that people do other annoying things in their garden like having barbecues and shouting. If it happens regularly, it's just as inconsiderate. But how can that justify deliberately doing something else that you know causes annoyance and worse to your neighbours?

Fenullafabulous · 03/06/2016 11:35

Dont stop for them. Do it for yourself.
It is really liberating.

MadameDePomPom · 03/06/2016 11:37

I'm sure it's already been suggested but why don't you just smoke at the end of your garden so nowhere their windows?

YANBU by the way.

MadameDePomPom · 03/06/2016 11:38

Or smoke outside the front of the house.

WorraLiberty · 03/06/2016 11:42

Could people please stop comparing cigarette smoke to car fumes? Cars have a function. They serve a very useful purpose. Smoking has literally no redeeming qualities whatsoever. It's incredibly bad for you, it stinks, and it affects the health of anyone who happens to be near you when you're doing it. It is not remotely similar to driving a car.

It's extremely similar to driving a car, especially given how many unnecessary journeys people make in their cars every single day.

But many of those people will convince themselves those journeys are necessary because it's raining/it's 20 whole minutes on foot/I don't like the bus/the kids don't like walking/it's dark in the winter etc....

In the same way many smokers will convince themselves that smoking has redeeming qualities...I'll gain weight if I stop/it calms me down/I get too stressed without my fags etc....

Meanwhile we're all breathing in shit while people point fingers and blame each other, but never themselves.

Querty12345 · 03/06/2016 11:48

how can that justify deliberately doing something else that you know causes annoyance and worse to your neighbours?

Because smoking is lovely

I really need to stop reading this thread it's making me cluck

Querty12345 · 03/06/2016 11:50

Anyway smoking isn't illegal. It might annoy people but it's not against the law. My neighbour cooks food that stinks like dirty cabbage and I used to sit next to a guy at work who had terrible bo it made me gag. And i hate when people don't indicate at roundabouts (a legit dangerous one) and I hate when people take selfies in public it makes me cringe. But ya know. People are people.

sadie9 · 03/06/2016 11:51

You could try getting one of those battery fans which might help disperse the smoke rather than waft it up into the air. Or get a long piece of plastic pipe which you could attach to the side of the house and blow the smoke into that. Just to get it in a different direction.
There is no other way around it. I would be hopping mad if the smell of cigarette smoke was coming into my house from outside. Really really mad. And yes, I am an Allan Carr ex-smoker free of slavery 17yrs, but I am tolerant of smokers.